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    “If Guys Respect Modesty So Much, Why Do They Date Girls Who Don’t?”

    I know that guys really respect modesty, but I always see guys (particular famous ones) who have girlfriends or admire females that do not dress too modestly all the time. Famous teen male singers are an example of this; I feel they actually ignore the modest girls. If guys respect modesty so much, why do they date girls who don’t? I guess I cannot blame them; the girls that dress that way are usually super pretty.

    Ugh! I totally get how this can be confusing! After all, PI is a huge advocate for modesty, not just in clothing choices, but also in a person’s whole being–the way they act and the way they live. So it’s definitely confusing when you see so many guys dating girls who just don’t dress or act modestly. What’s up with that?

    I can’t judge what’s in a guy’s heart. There are probably tons of reasons why guys date immodest girls. And when you bring Hollywood into the picture, well, that just takes everything to a whole new level of reasoning! Maybe the guys are competing with their friends, maybe they’re attracted to the immodesty, maybe they see the girl as a token of their own success, or maybe they just really like the girl and overlook the immodesty. I really don’t know. What I do know is what I’ve heard from guys themselves, and often the reasoning is not good.

    I think you should change your focus! Don’t think about why guys have girlfriends who dress immodestly. Instead, put your focus on YOU and how you as a Christian present yourself.

    Unfortunately, immodesty is prevalent in our culture. And it’s come to the point where some things aren’t even considered immodest anymore. In fact, it’s become a competition, it seems, especially on the red carpet, to see whose neckline plunges the furthest or who dares to show the most. My suggestion to you is to not take your lead from Hollywood. Instead, look to the Bible for guidance.

    We’ve published a lot of posts on modesty and immodesty here on PI. If you haven’t already, I highly recommend that you check them out–some are from the guys’ point of views! But again, put the focus on you and never let the world, least of all Hollywood, dictate what you do or sway you from your Christian values.

    10 Things Teen Boys Don’t Want You to Know

    Faith Saver: What Christian Guys Think About Modesty

    What Do Christian Guys Really Think About Sexual Purity?

    Style Guide for Christian Girls: Modesty

    What Does Modesty REALLY Mean?

    Good luck and God bless!

    Need some advice? Ask your relationship questions in the Ask Olivia Girl Talk forum or in the comments below and I might answer them in a future article!

    Ask Olivia
    Got a question about boys, your besties or God? I'm here to help! As the girl all my friends always came to for advice, I've turned my girl talk, level-headedness and love of Jesus into a job -- one I love because I was a teen not long ago, too! Click into Ask Olivia in our Girl Talk Forums to ask me a question!

    19 COMMENTS

    1. I know guys who go out with immodest girls or girls who do all the wrong things but when it comes to marriage ,they want the decent ,modest girls . This may not be with all guys but with few guys I know.

    2. I truly don’t like how this site talks about women they think are “immodest.” It portrays girls like me, who wear bikinis and shorts, like “bad girls” and because we’re soooo bad, the boys want to date us. I don’t think I dress immodestly at all, but according to this site I do.

      How about this. Let’s not be defined by our clothes. That’s what Paul was talking about. I wear short dresses. I wear shorts. I wear bikinis. The men I choose to date do not date me based on my clothes or appearance. They date me for my personality and my heart. Because I genuinely love God. I understand that this article was written for girls who are frustrated with their dating situation.
      Part of the problem, though, is Christian girls get sooo caught up in “what is modesty? Will this make him stumble?” that they don’t open themselves up to just talk to guys. This culture makes women afraid of “crossing a line” or “making him stumble.”
      The men I choose to date respect me. They respect my choices to remain pure until marriage. Wearing shorts or a crop top does nothing to change that.
      So my advice to the girls on this site is to find young men of God that respect YOU no matter what you are wearing.

      • I’m sorry if this site made you feel that way. I don’t think they’re trying to display bikinis as immodest. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion though. One piece swim suits or even two piece, I don’t think it matters, as long as what you’re wearing you’re comfortable with. 🙂

        • Thank you guys 🙂 PI is a wonderful site, and I really do like it. I know their intent is not to hurt, but we must be mindful of this modesty debate. Love you ladies <3

      • Allison, I feel the same exact way 🙁 I feel as though God has totally opened my eyes in a tremendous way on modesty, and I really have made some big changes. But apparently they’re not big enough for others because shorts are still bad, anything above the knee is always immodest (and I don’t even go that far over the knee), etc. Although I don’t think Project Inspired’s intent is to make anyone feel bad, I do strongly believe that many blogs, Christian leaders and many others of the like should all agree on the entire point that keeping your body, especially your girl parts, covered is God’s will….as well as we should all respect everyone’s personal convictions– even on modesty– because they won’t always be the same as another girl’s.

        • I agree. And I think that modesty looks different in different cultures. There shouldn’t really be a standard rule, like your skirt needs to reach your fingertips, as long as you are not trying to flaunt or stand out in any way that takes away from Christ.
          For example, my mom grew up in Norway, and when she was a teenager, girls wore only bikini bottoms to the beach, nothing on top. This was the social norm, and though I feel that that is completely inappropriate to do here, in that culture, it was completely fine. It didn’t make any one girl stand out because it was the normal beach attire. It didn’t cause men to stumble any more than a girl wearing shorts in Cali would. Breasts were not sexualized. So yeah. Modesty is different in every culture.

      • To be honest, I think it comes down to intent more than anything. If you get to thinking why you want to wear certain clothes, and it comes down to “well, I want this person to notice me” or “such and such people will find more interest” then more than likely it’s something you shouldn’t be wearing. For example, I typically wear guy-cut graphic tees. However, I also wear a size F bra, so often or not people (guys and girls alike, both strangers and friends) tell me I ought to wear clothes that show off that detail more. Their reason typically boils down to “well, you have to give the guys something to look at” or “you’ll never find someone if you cover yourself up”. I simply say no and move on, because if that’s the only good reason to wear bustier clothing then I won’t. I have tank tops and v-necks for when it’s too hot, which I wear accordingly. I notice that I get a lot more compliments whenever I wear them, and I will admit it’s a little flattering, but if they’re only going to take notice because I’m showing off a bit more skin, then they aren’t worth my time.

        • I agree that intent is super important! I never dress with the intent of making a guy check me out, but it happens anyway. No amount of coverage will stop lust, unfortunately. So I pick and choose the men I spend my time with 🙂

      • I so agree with you. The verse most people cite about women being modest (you know, the one about elaborate braiding and such) was about being modest in attitude and not focusing on your looks, not how much you’re covered. I dress kind of in the middle, and the way I act and carry myself demands respect from guys, not my clothes. I think people get it mixed up cuz there are a lot of girls who believe they have to show everything off to get guys to like them, which is wrong. Everyone should dress for themselves, not others.

      • The fact is everyone has their own opinion! And I agree PI’s is a little conservative…
        But the truth is if you intend to wear something like a crop top or bikinis, whether you want guys looking at you or not… they still will no matter what your intent is…

      • Don’t you think it’s important to save as much of your body for your future spouse? I mean why would you want other men leering at your body and thinking God knows what? To me, that’s kinda nasty. I’m not saying your nasty, the men thinking that are. There are bad people all over the place and I think it’s important to cover up. I know they’re going to be looking either way but why would you want to draw that kind of attention out even more by wearing bikinis and short shorts? Because the cute 20 year old guy is checking you out as much as the 45 year old father of three.

        I’m not saying women should wear burkas, but they should acknowledge that there’s a healthy middle. Too much of anything is bad. That is true for modesty and immodesty.

        Also, I think it’s really refreshing that PI is conservative. The rest of world is not and having a safe place to hear positive messages like this helps me and other girls. I hope and pray you can see where I’m coming from because I don’t want to be mean. I want you to take my advice from a sister in Christ who cares.

        The Bible also says that we should get advice from older women because they are wiser. Although Nicole isn’t old yet, she’s still older than us and we should really pay attention to what she and her friends on here have to say about topics like these. 🙂

    3. I totally agree with this! I feel like people today are so in to the fashion that they do NOT take time to say “Hmm, what is this portraying to people about me- I say I’m a christian and I act like one but I don’t dress like one. Yes the men acknowledge me and make me feel important and good but is that enough?” Young children look up at us teenagers and young adults and they see sleezy dressing girls. They don’t women of virtue at first glance. They see people so caught up in earthly things and make up and fashion, and assume that is all there is but its not! I feel like the younger generation these days has set a God repelling goal for the children and even older adults because of the way we act and the way they treat people and how they dress. Is that the message that we, as Christians are trying to send to this world today? Is this how we want people who need God to view Christians? I don’t think that this is what God has intended us to act. It is the way Satan has intended us to act.

    4. Girls send such an obvious message when they dress inappropriately. That message, sadly, is being passed on to younger generations. It’s the whole “Your body and how you cover it makes you important in a guy’s eyes” statement that little girls are hanging on to. Women put so much focus into how they look on the outside rather than on the inside.

    5. My brother dated the only girl who wasn’t wearing a two piece. It’s as simple as good guys are gonna appreciate the modesty, but guys that aren’t worth it are gonna be led by their flesh.

    Project Inspired

    We here at Project Inspired want to guide and inspire teen girls to be true to themselves and to God. We want to show young girls how to be people of value and confidence – how to be your own best selves – through leading a Christian life. Who are we? We're a team of girls, like you. We edit the site, we post to social media, we hang out in the chat rooms and forums. We talk with you, we listen to you, and we love you!

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