If You Want a Godly Guy, Stop Looking in the Wrong Places

    God’s desire is for your closest long-term relationship to be one centered on Him. This is the best thing for your spiritual, emotional and personal well being—and it’s how you glorify Him through your future marriage. Unfortunately, many girls know this in theory…but they date guys who don’t follow Christ.

    When I speak to women about this, I’m often greeted with frustration. “I can’t FIND any godly guys!” they say.

    While men who take their faith seriously are a treasure to find, they aren’t as scarce as you may think. It could be you’ve been looking in the wrong places. Here are three common mistakes I see women making.

    Swiping Right on the Wrong Kind of Man

    A girl reached out to me last year, frustrated by a guy she was dating. He wouldn’t commit to an actual relationship. When I probed a little more, she admitted they met on Tinder. Girlfriend, if you want a committed relationship with a guy who shares your faith, Tinder is NOT the place!

    Online dating is awesome and I encourage it, but not all dating apps and websites are created equal. If you want someone who’s serious about their faith, you need to have an app that allows you to provide extensive details ABOUT your faith. And you want to be on a website that draws committed people—not people looking to hook up.

    Hanging Out in the Wrong Kinds of Crowds

    Your friend group also plays a huge part in the kind of men who will express interest in you. If you’re into the party scene, I can guarantee you 99 percent of the men you’re spending time with don’t take their faith seriously. You will not find a spiritual leader while getting drunk at a local bar—that’s not how this works.

    If you want a man who is godly, you must start with your own faith walk. Are YOU the kind of woman a godly man would date? It’s a hard question, but it has to be asked. As one of my professors told me, when godly people are drawn together, it’s “deep calling unto deep.” Christ in you is drawn to Christ in them. But if you continually put yourself in a crowd of people who don’t care about following Jesus or letting Him change their lives, godly men aren’t going to be plentiful.

    God can bring people into our lives at any moment, but God also allows you consequences for your choices. Cooperate with His heart for your life and the opportunities will coincide.

    Spending Time with the Wrong Gender

    I’m being a little lighthearted here. But let’s be real: If you’re looking for a godly relationship (which is not a sinful desire), you can’t hang out with girls all the time! Meeting a godly man means hanging out with guys in general.

    If you didn’t grow up with guy friends, this will be a learning curve, but it’s one easily overcome. Don’t have a friend group? Join a new church or Bible study and host events at your house. Coordinate lunches. Get together outside of church. Be the one to initiate group events and have people invite their friends. If nothing else, you’ll be in an awesome community—relationship or not.   

    What if you’re not on Tinder or in bars, and you regularly hang out with guys—but no luck? Be faithful. I know—it’s hard. I’ve been there. Contentment is a step of faith in God’s love for you. It won’t be easy, but remember that it’s better to be single than to be in a relationship that doesn’t honor God! Better to wait and be equally yoked in your heart for Him than to be hasty and regret it down the road. Stay faithful where you are, and walk daily with Jesus. He’ll give you wisdom for the right guy, in the right place and in the right time.

    Phylicia Masonheimer
    Phylicia Masonheimer
    Phylicia Masonheimer is an author and speaker teaching women how to discern what is true, discuss the deep stuff, and accomplish God's will for their specific lives. She holds a B.S. in Religion from Liberty University, where she met her husband, Josh, and now lives in northern Michigan with her two daughters, Adeline and Geneva.


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