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    Ignored By Guys? Read This!

    Hi PI girls! I’m a 16-year-old girl in 11th grade who has never been in a serious relationship but always has had her heart opened to guys. There are some guys who have asked me out, but none of them love God and I’m not willing to be with a guy just because he’s cute–he needs to reach my standards.

    Recently, I’ve been trying to talk more to Christian guys and I like this nice guy that I met two years ago. He’s awesome, but he doesn’t show any interest in becoming my boyfriend. I prayed to God about this situation and I also read books and talked to my friends to get some advice about why this was happening to me and what I should do about it.

    Here are some questions I had that I now know the answers to. They will be really helpful for you if you’re confused about boys and your self-image.

    1. Why do guys ignore me and don’t look at me the same way they look at my friends?
    This question can be answered in only one quote:

    A woman’s heart should be so hidden in God that a man needs to seek him in order to find her.

    This means that you don’t need to try too hard to look good physically to attract guys. If you ask God for help to find your soul mate, he will put the right guy at the right time in your path who will love you for who you are, not for what you look like.

    So, the guys who don’t pay attention to you are probably not worth it and they’re not looking for a serious relationship. Also, try to concentrate more on pleasing God and doing well in school, because you’re too young and you’ll have plenty of time in the future to date.

    2. How can I attract guys in a modest way?
    You might think I just contradicted myself because in the other question, I said that physical appearance doesn’t matter. But I think it’s natural for people to want to have a good impression on others and there are many ways you can do this without having to look like a Hollywood star.

    First of all, you need to wear a SMILE on your face all the time! A smile can add natural beauty and it shows that you’re a confident person who likes to be around others.

    Second of all, try to be KIND to everybody! How do you feel when someone is really nice to you? You feel like you can see God reflected in that person and that you can call him or her when you need help. So, if you’re kind, guys will notice your personality, rather than your clothes and your body.

    Lastly, BE YOURSELF! If you act different when you’re around the guy you like, you’re not being yourself and he won’t get to know who you really are.

    3. What’s the “right” age to date?
    When you date someone, it’s because in your mind, you saw yourself marrying that person in the future. So age doesn’t matter as long as your level of maturity is high enough to understand what the purpose of a relationship is and your intentions with that person are very clear.

    This doesn’t mean that if you’re 11-13 years old, you can’t hang out with boys your age to get to know them. This means that you shouldn’t get too attached to someone when you haven’t prayed about him and he doesn’t seem to want to have a lasting relationship with you.

    Many people say that you can start dating when you’re 16-17, and I understand their point because girls begin to grow mentally at this age. Just make sure that you maintain your purity until you get married and obey your parents’ rules about dating.

    NOTE: if you have questions that are similar to these ones or you’re still confused about any of these answers, comment below and I will try my best to reply back. God bless you!

    Written by PI girl, Bremda

    108 COMMENTS

    1. Thanks Bremda! I’m 16 and will be going into 11th grade in the fall. These tips and thoughts reminded me to keep God as the number one Man in my life and will give me something to reflect on when school starts again! 🙂 God Bless.

    2. Im 19 and still do not have a boyfriend. I feel like I really need one. And most importantly I think Im READY to have one. But I dont know how to start speak to guys, I dont have many friends and most guys here want only one thing, you know. I really dont know what to do :/ …

      • Patty, try to socialize more with Christian guys because they’ll respect your standards and your body. Also, you’re still young, so don’t rush because if you do, you might end up with the wrong guy. Lastly, pray to God for guidance.
        -Bremda 🙂

      • Pray about it! I know that’s not what you want to hear bc it’s the cliche thing to say but I would pray about it 🙂 If you’ve never read the Christy Miller series I HIGHLY reccomend it! By Robin Jones Gunn. She talks about praying for your future husband in the cute 12 book christian fiction or you can by her non fiction book “Praying for your future husband”

        • Thank you 🙂 It’s hard to find these books in my country, but I really wanna read them, so I’ll try to order them 🙂

        • @melissa6395 I absolutely LOVE Robin Jones Gunn books! They are so inspiring. 🙂 Christy Miller is the best series, but I like the Sierra Jensen, Katie Weldon, and the Todd and Christy series. Hbu?

        • I agree reading the Christy Miller series helped me think about what I am looking for in a guy. My advice is pray to God about it and wait. Now mind you this is coming from a girl who isn’t very patient with stuff like this but I know that I don’t just want to settle for the next guy who comes around the corner. I want God to take his time and pick Mr. Right!!! I also want to have the satisfaction of saying that God was saving this man for me!!! So for all of you out there waiting for your mr. Right just keing waiting God is in control. 🙂

      • This might be hard to hear but I would try NOT focusing on your desire for a boyfriend or your love life (or lack there of) and really bring it to God. Surrender your desire for a boyfriend to Him, He is the author of love. I struggle with this (even though Im only 16) I always have. I am currently reading Lady In Waiting by Jackie Kendall & Debby Jones, a HUGE help with focusing on preparing/bettering yourself for marriage and using your single years wisely and When God Writes Your Love Story by Eric & Leslie Ludy, at a few points I got a bit jealous but mostly it made me want to radically abandon myself to the Lord and trust that He can write a love story far beyond what I could ever even imagine. Dont make the mistake of not trusting Him because you think He’ll mess it up… He wont.

      • Well you’re not alone : ) I”m 18 about to turn 19 and I have never had a boyfriend either. I always feel like a loser because of that. Now that I’m in college its really starting to bug me. I mean I missed my own prom, I feel awful. And the people who are in with people are my school are not always the best people. But yet a good Christian like me doesn’t have anybody. I also feel feel like I’m missing out on the teen years.

      • Hey Patty! I am 19 as well. Never had a boyfriend. Had many guys I had liked or a few I had told i had liked more then a friend, ended up getting my heart broken many times. But I have truly learned by reading the book “Praying for your future husband” by Robin Jones Gunn and Tricia Goyer, which I recommend that all girls should read. It just has really taught me that we all should be praying for are future husbands even for the guys we date. That even though we can’t see it right now, God has that perfect guy picked out for each of us. We just need to draw closer to the Lord trust in him. Hope & pray. Because it will be worth it all in the end. Remember good things come to those who wait patiently.(:

        • Is alright your lucky you can have a boyfriend at your age I’m 13 and my parents say not to get a boyfriend till I’m 25 and have a job and graduated college so don’t think your the only one who won’t have a boyfriend in your teen years!

    3. I’m 14, and just started dating my first boyfriend. And I don’t see any problem with it. 16-17 is a good age, but I think you should’ve mentioned that everyone is different and is ready at a different age. I will say that I’m probably more mature than most people my age, having grown up with five younger sibilings. My boyfriend is 16, and before he got to know me better, actually thought I was 15 or 16. So I might be in a different situation than most people.

      • I understand your point of view since I have six siblings! Dating depends on maturity, not just your age just like I said on this article. So, if you feel like you’re mentally prepared to be in that relationship, then, this might not apply to you.
        -Bremda 🙂

    4. Thank you so much for this! Recently there’s been a guy at school I liked because he’s funny and cute and nice to everyone…well nice to everyone but me. He seems to ignore me especially, and I don’t know why. I tried really hard to get his attention by trying to wear makeup (I normally don’t) and even just talking to him every once and a while. After he noticed I was trying to get his attention, he stopped ignoring me and started being extremely hurtful and rude and made fun of my appearance. I came to the abrupt realization that he wasn’t worth my affection. I still catch myself trying to get his attention sometimes, and I have to stop myself and just try and be kind to him even though he made fun of me. Boys aren’t attracted to me, because I suppose some guys see what’s on the outside first and sometimes don’t bother to see what’s inside, you know? But lately I’ve made some guyfriends that like me for who I am and are God loving young men. Ahh sorry I didn’t realize how long that had gotten!! Sorry for that 😉 anyway thank you so much for writing this article! It is so important for girls to know this!! 🙂

      • I am so glad you realized that this guy isn’t worth it-reading that just makes me so angry that somebody can be so cruel! Guys who are just going to be mean to you when they discover a soft spot are definitely not guys you want to date and marry, but I understand still feeling hung up on them any way. We’re proud of you!

    5. You’re absolutly right about attracting guys in a modest way. I was asked out by a guy this year. He didn’t ask me because he thought I was ‘hot’, He said it was because I was so nice.

    6. Great article!!! I think its important for all teenage and even young adult women to know these things! I’m 16 and going into 11th grade and I don’t really get noticed by guys even though they all know me. There’s really only one guy in my life right now but he isn’t looking for a relationship until he’s older and this really helps me!! Thanks!! 🙂

    7. Thanks,Bremda! That article really spoke to my heart! I have mixed feelings about guys. I say I don’t want to date but Inside I feel like I need to have a boyfriend. That helped me see who I am also!

    8. i’m only 11, but i’ve had some bad expirences with a relationship. I really liked this boy, but he thought we were just friends. i sometimes still have this empty feeling that i want to “have” someone. How can i get rid of this feeling?

      • ohmygosh your comment just melted my heart! I know how you feel because I was the same way when I was 11! Just know that your husband is out there, growing up as well. Just try to focus on your school, bettering yourself, learning as much as you can, doing a hobbby- so when you’re all grown up you will be ready when you meet your future husband!

      • Usualy when people are looking for love and for someone to be close to, they want to feel appreciated and loved. but instead of looking for a human partner first, get close to God, He is Love. So study him see how love is supposed to be, He’ll give you undivided attention whenever you want. He listens and cares about the things that you care about. So once you become close to Him, you can ask him if its time for you to have someone, or if your just supposed to spend time with Him and focus on Him…if you pray and trust God He will give you the perfect guy for you. Also remember God is not like the guys we know, he will never disappoint you, and he’s always working to do wat’s best for you.

    9. Usually if a guy isn’t interested in a girl it’s because they don’t have anything in common. Even if it seems like you do, if he’s not feeling it, you can’t push it! If he’s not into there is usually a reason and why would you want a guy who isn’t into you?

      • Bri, this happens very often but unfortunately, some girls are never noticed by guys and this makes them feel insecure. This article tells them how to deal with both rejection and insecurity. Maybe, the guy I liked didn’t like me but I just didn’t know how to face the reality. Thanks for expressing your opinion.
        -Bremda 🙂

    10. I think that another problem young women today face is that we focus too much on what guys think of us, and how that affects our self worth. What a lot of girls seem to be forgetting is that where they should really derive their self worth from is from Jesus. The Lord never intended that we base our confidence and value off of what men tell us, because men are not perfect. I go into this more on my blog. http://www.wearethecrownofcreation.blogspot.com/

    11. Oh my glob who ever wrote this THANK YOU SO MUCH! “A woman’s heart should be so hidden in God that a man needs to seek Him in order to find her.” I will keep that as a reminder whenever I think about having a boyfriend or anything like that cause that has been on my mind more then God 🙁 But this totes got me back on track 😀 thank you so much!!!

    12. Thanks Bremda, Im 16 and starting 11th grade soon! For a few years I have been struggling with a past relationship that i had with a christian guy i have been wanting back to this day. He doesnt talk or look at me anymore and just ignores me, but he is starting to say a few things finally but still. I know that he is supposed to win my heart but its very hard going through this and trying to get over it. I know God and who he was but i just wanted the pain and suffering of the break up to go away so i just leaned on another guy to try to take that place. I have prayed about it but I just feel like nothing has happened. I just need some advice about this because i dont know how much longer I can take. Thanks!

      • Britt, there’re many articles on this page that could be very helpful in your situation. Look up “Four Things To Do To Survive a Breakup” or “Why You Don’t Need a Boyfriend” on the bar that says “Search”. Also, check out the “Love” section. I hope it helps.
        -Bremda 🙂

      • First of all, obey your parents because they only want the best for you. Second of all, if you feel like the guy you like, really loves God, then try to have a serious conversation with your parents. Ask them why they don’t allow you to date him and if they don’t change their mind, then wait until you get older to make your own decisions. But NEVER disobey them!
        -Bremda 🙂

        • Also, look up “Your Parents Don’t Approve Of Your Relationships…Now What?” or “The Time I Wanted To Dishonor My Mother And Father” on the bar that says “Search” above.

    13. My pastor said that you are old enough to date when you can honestly say to yourself that you do not need a man to complete your other half but if God chose for you to be single He would be enough for you

      • haha, I like this! It makes me think how I went through a period of time in which I thought, wow, I never thought I could handle it before, but now I think maybe being a nun in a convent would be nice! You don’t have to worry about relationships (they can feel so sticky), and you could focus all your time on growing closer to God! I don’t actually feel this is where God is leading me, just how I was feeling at the time, but I still like to think back to it.

    14. In regards to number two, my dad forwarded me an email about beautiful women that featured this quote by Audrey Hepburn, and I think it is perfect for this point.

      For attractive lips, speak words of kindness.
      For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.
      For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.
      For beautiful hair, let a child or someone you love run his/her fingers through it once a day.
      For poise, walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone.
      People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; never throw out anyone.
      Remember when you need a helping hand, you have one at the end of each of your arms –
      one for helping yourself, and the other for helping others.

    15. “The next time that boy pursues you, he better do it like a dying man looking for water in a desert. -Leaving Karen Kingsbury

      This quote has come in handy many of times. Being in college I’ve discovered that there will be many opportunities for a relationship, but just because the opportunity arises doesn’t necessarily mean I have to or should take it I. Also , no matter how cute, how smart, how funny, or even how much he loves God. I will no longer pursue a man. It’s not right. As a a young woman & a daughter of Christ, I should be treated like a lady ( heck like a princess! ), and if that means waiting a long time so that God can shape me / shape my future partner (boyfriend/ husband) so that we are physically, mentally, and spiritually healthy for each other….then I will wait.
      Yes it would be nice to have awesome romantic summer adventures, but then what? I want something real, not just romance. I want a man, a man who is strong, who isn’t afraid to announce his love for Christ, who isn’t scared to pray with me, who puts God first…even before me or himself. I want to be a strong woman of God , I want to grow in my walk with Christ so that we as couple can move forward in our walk with Christ … and not him dragging me… i want to use this time of singleness to discover what God’s plans are for me ( heck i don’t even know if I want to live in the U.S. )

    16. Also, thank you so much for this, it is so true and so helpful for girls today! I’m 15 now, and I had my first boyfriend freshman year of high school. We had both met and started liking eachother in 7th grade though, so we kind of had it a long time coming, and all our friends knew, so it was kind of inevitable and seemed pointless to delay any longer than we already had and were, so he asked me out the day after Valentine’s Day. It was kind of painful because he is an atheist, and I knew I would not want to marry him and build a family with someone who doesn’t love the lord, but I still liked him and sort of hoped that I could bring him closer to the Lord. A good lesson to learn: Don’t try to change someone in the relationship, take them for who they are, and if that’s someone you don’t want to live with they’re either not meant for you now or not meant for you at all. After a few months, a couple weeks before the end of school, I broke up with him because I felt like I didn’t really like him as a boyfriend so much anymore, and I didn’t want to be dishonest by still going on and dating him when I like dreaded having to spend time with him and stuff, especially with the summer coming. I kind of realize now that he didn’t necessarily display all the traits I would want in my future husband (though he was really nice to me, liking me and all, he wasn’t really that way to everyone). Anyway, breaking up with him was hard (I didn’t want to hurt him, of course, and he could have taken it better and he could have taken it worse I suppose) and it hurt me, even though I did it. Since for the most part getting over it and healing through God, I’ve started just imagining what my wonderful Godly husband that God has planned for me will be like a lot, and I’ve really come to feel at rest with the whole topic, because I know God has the plan for me to prosper, and my heart doesn’t know what’s to come any more than I do. I know that was a horrendously long post/rant, but I guess I just needed to get it out of my system and tell it to someone more subjective than the people directly in my life, so thank you so much for being there! Also, thanks to everyone who posted and shared books, I’ve also found that Christian stories can help you heal a lot too!

        • Wow!!….God is soooo good!….The fact that us girls are able to communicate like this freely with confidence is astounding!….And the best part of it is we are able to council each other and learn from each other!…I ask the Lord to pour out an abundance of wisdom over ALL of you who want to do what’s right! Don’t give up! Don’t back down! There may be pain in the night, but JOY COMES IN THE MORNING!And most importantly, NEVER stop SEEKING God!….In the end, it’s HIS love that NEVER fails!

    17. I highly recommend the Christy Miller series, its a great christian series, and its really helped in my walk with God and keeping myself pure, and its gotten me praying about my future husband, I hope you will get to read it, it is really great! and I had a problem with keeping my thoughts and actions low, like I would think of the future with maybe that one guy, and our friendship just got messed up. trust me its not worth loosing a friend. and I like the saying, just keep dancing with God and someday that certain guy that God has chosen for you will cut in. you will Just have to wait and keep trusting in God. “for I know the plans set for you says the Lord” (:

      • Thank you so much! I also read the Christy Miller series! And to be hint, sometimes christy made me jealous because she had wonderful, loving Todd! But I just have to be patient and trust in the Lord. It’s hard, but Ik it will be worth it someday! And I’m still young…I’m only 16….and I know that god really does have great plans for me! Sometimes its just hard to give up everything we have to him. But if you think about it, it’s not so hard after all because He knows what he’s doing so there’s no reason to worry! God is love. HE CREATED LOVE! So I think ultimately that’s where we should be looking because He loves us more than anyone or anything in this world ever could!!!!!!!!!!:)

    18. Thankyou so much for posting this. It really helped me. God bless you. I just want you to know that Jesus is clearly working through you and you have had an impact on my life. Thank you God bless and keep going girl!

    19. I really like this article :), but I am still confused about somethin: How long should ya be “talkin” to someone before becomin boyfriend n girlfriend? Im talkin about if the guys a Christian man…

      • I think you should get into a serious relationship when you feel like you know him enough and his inttentions with you are clear. There’s no specific time you should spend with him being only friends, but if the friendship is strong and healthy, then you can assume that you’re both ready to be more than friends.
        -Bremda 🙂

    20. I’m glad you posted this. I know this guy that I know I’m in love with, at least in a small way, but we’re having a lot of problems. My mom wants him to find me appealing and regret leaving me behind (he’s three years older than me) when he sees me this year in high school. This tells me that I can still look appealing to him without just making myself gorgeous. That would be pathetic to have physical beauty without the confidence. So I realize that I can’t just be confident for him. I should make myself attractive in this (^) way, just because it’s a good thing to do. Whether he wants me back or not, it’ll be God’s will. And I hope that I mean these words. 🙂

    21. i was crying every day after school in the 9th grade because i thought no guy noticed me and i didnt have a boyfriend and i never have… i thought am i ugly?! but then over a bit of time i just realized none of that matters and God will have a guy for me in HIs will and itll just work out somehow.. plus i feel that im too immature to date anyway… plus im supposed to be a kid and have fun…its highschool! btw im 16… and going into the 10th grade

      • Thanks so much for writing this! I felt almost the same way last year! And I am 16 and going into 10th grade too!(I got held back) and so yeah I will definitely pray that me and you and everyone who is looking for a relationship that we will be able to see that God should be first, and most important in our life! And that we can trust Him always<3

    22. how do i flirt with boys? ive given up on this whole “not dating till im 30 thing” i felt really insecure and jealous the other day because this couple was flirting… n i kinda wanted a bit of that.. idk… is flirting okay?

      • It’s normal to feel jealous when you see a couple flirting but that doesn’t mean that you need to be in a relationship or that if you don’t flirt, you will never get a boyfriend. Flirting is not okay when you find yourself spending too much time trying to get the attention of guys. If you flirt too much, the right guy will have a bad impression of who you are. I recommend that you pray for God’s help and make sure that you don’t look for guys in the wrong places. Have fun getting to know different guys so that you will know what kind of guy you like, don’t rush and trust in God’s timing.
        -Bremda 🙂

    23. I’m 17 and this has helped me alot! Thanks! I had a question though. My dad doesn’t allow us to date. It’s a courtship in my family. So, I’ve liked this guy for 4 years now and he’s not allowed to date either. We have kinda the same values and both love Christ. But for the last year or so, I’ve started to ask God ‘is this the guy you have for me, God?. Because if it’s not, I want you to take away the feelings I have toward him’. But I haven’t really gotten an answer. I would love to ‘date’ him. He’s a amazing guy. But I know that my feelings are getting stronger, and I don’t want them to if he’s not the right one. So how do you know? I’ve prayed and asked, but just getting mixed feelings about it…

      • I’m so glad that you’ve been able to wait for so long without dating! This tells me that you guys have a healthy relationship as friends, which means that if you become his girlfriend, your relationship will be even more healthy and stronger. I think that you should keep praying because God always listens to and answers our prayers if we have faith. Since you’re almost turning 18, you shouldn’t worry too much about not been able to date him because of your dad. Why? Because you’ll have more control over your life as you grow older. But that doesn’t mean that you should disobey or disrespect your dad because that would be just wrong.
        -Bremda 🙂

    24. Don’t ever give into a boy who wants your purity… a good man will not want you for that, a man that loves God will want to wait until marriage. Stay pure no matter what… it will be worth it in the end.

    25. Loved reading this! Its hard sometimes when at school and I hear what some of what the boys day about me! It makes me feel so neglected and depressed makeing me feel unwanted by any guy!! Hopefully I can keep this in mind when going back to school this year! Thanks for posting!! 🙂

    26. im 18 now and mom is still trying to hold me back from dating.:( shes had bad exeriences but that doesnt mean ill go through the same thing!why wont she understand!? ive waited like she told me to but even at 18 its still a problem…

      • If there’s a guy you like and he wants to date you but your mom doesn’t want you to date him, you should tell him to visit you at your house so that your mom gets to meet him. That way, she will see there’s still guys who are serious about relationships and that not all guys are players. Still, sometimes things don’t go well and you end up with a broken heart and someone telling you “I told you!” But that doesn’t mean you should give up on dating; that means you should always pray and try not to get too attached emotionally to the guy you’re dating. Tell your mom that it’s inevitable not to have bad experiences, since life is all about learning from them. I hope this helps.
        -Bremda 🙂

    27. I honestly don’t feel that girls shouldnt say that they NEED a guy. That sounds very shallow and stupid. We need to step up as women and be independent. Not dependent on the opposite sex for
      happiness because we feel that only they
      can provide it. Thats what GOD is there for. We shouldn’t be brainwashed by this hook-up culture into beliving that dating solves our loneliness problems. Im 15 and i honestly think proper dating age is 25. XD ~*^.^*~

    28. Hi! I’m new on here so yeah lol. I had a bully 2 years ago who is acting like it never happened. His sister recently told me that he really likes me. At the same time we don’t talk, we have no classes together or anything. We don’t even have anything in common much. I asked him if he liked me and he plain out told me no. Help! I’m 16 and am a sophomore so is he. I don’t know how much i like him though ether 🙁

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