Hey Olivia! So, I’m a girl who has some serious relationship issues and in desperate need of some help from a Christian sister. See, I’m interested in dating and really think I’m ready for a boyfriend. I want a relationship that encourages equal efforts of two people in learning about God and each other. But I just can’t seem to catch anyone’s eye. Due to a tumor I had for large percentage of my life (which has recently been removed, praise God!), much of my development has been halted. Simply put, I am a high school girl trapped in a middle schooler’s body. Fun, right? I also have weight and rejection issues that I’ve been dealing with. How do I push these aside to make me bolder? Are there certain things that I should be doing to attract a guy’s attention? Or am I wrong and I should just wait until college? I feel a certain amount of pressure to have a boyfriend before I graduate as all of the prominent women in my life were dating by 16 and married or engaged by 20. They advise me to just wait, but it’s easy to say when you have a wonderful man to call your own and have been with him from a young age. Besides, just because you wait longer doesn’t mean there aren’t problems, right? I have two guys in mind, both good Christian men that I could see myself having a long-term relationship with. Please help.
Hey girl! Thanks for trusting me with your question.
I know that it can be hard to understand when everyone around you seems to be moving forward with their lives and you’re feeling left behind. But really, you can’t compare your situation with others. Everyone’s life is unique and you just need to get a better understanding of what God wants from you and your life. And even this may not come to you immediately.
I do feel that before you consider dating, you should take time to learn and appreciate who you are and how valuable you are. You wrote that you’re “dealing with weight and rejection issues.” This can definitely cause stress in a relationship. And it would be unwise for you to delve into any relationship until you become confident in who you are as a woman and a child of God.
The other thing is that you may feel that you’re ready for a relationship, but God may have other plans. And forcing a relationship to happen may not be the wise way to go. Relationships should come naturally. And I know it’s frustrating when your friends tell you to wait, but finding the right guy is way better than finding just any guy, right?
Quite frankly, I don’t think you should be doing anything to attract a guy’s attention. Just be you, and when the time comes, so will the right guy. You may hate this idea right now, looking at it from your current perspective. But when you do find the right guy in God’s time, you’ll look back and be grateful for it.
So here’s what I think you should do:
- Don’t focus on when and how to find a guy. It causes unnecessary stress. Lots of times when we force something to happen, it doesn’t work out. And this is especially true when it comes to relationships.
- Besides being comfortable with yourself, you really need to be comfortable with your singleness. There’s nothing wrong with being single. In fact, it’s a freedom that you should take advantage of until you get married. Not that you won’t be free then, but your priorities will be different and you won’t be able to be selfish in a way you can be when you’re single.
- Learn to love yourself. I’ve always stated that age is not the defining factor in considering when it’s a good time to date. Rather, the state of your heart needs to be ready.
- Strengthen your faith. Focus on your relationship with Christ. The only relationship you should be thinking about is the one with God. You’re not ready to be in a relationship until you are strong in your faith.
- Pray. Share your insecurities with God. Ask Him for strength and courage to wait patiently and ask Him to open your eyes to the amazing person that you are. Sharing your anxieties with the Lord brings you closer to Him and helps you understand that His priorities trump yours.
Good luck and God bless!
Need some advice? Ask your questions in the Ask Olivia Girl Talk forum or in the comments below and I might answer them in a future article!