“I’m So Awkward When I Socialize! Please Help!”

    Dear Olivia,
    Thank you so much for this opportunity for advice!
    I am in need. This isn’t about boys, but more about socializing. I have an awkwardness about me when I socialize, and I often find myself misunderstood and lonely, and it hurts. I used to cry more because I am very sensitive, but I hold things in at school because I know people see me as a weak little girl, even though I am in high school. Please give me a word and some advice!
    The Social Butterfly That Can’t Yet Fly

    Oh, sweet girl! I know it’s not easy to fit in. School can be a pretty depressing place when you don’t have friends. But the important thing is not to allow that to depress you. I know, it’s so much easier said than done! But the truth is, you’re not alone! So many people have anxiety about socializing.

    Oftentimes, in our desire to be “cool” or “fit in” or be “social,” we try too hard and we end up looking or sounding awkward, and the whole thing backfires! Ugh! But girl, you can only feel comfortable in your own shoes. So it’s really important to love who you are. God loves you, after all, and He’s never wrong.

    So this is what I suggest you do:

    1. Find your strength in the Lord. What I mean is recognize how amazing you are. As a child of God, you have a special place in His heart, and when you hurt, He hurts. You really need to know that you are a unique creation and God designed you. He designed that awkwardness and sensitivity, and with it, He instilled a sense of humility that comes with being a Christian. Now that you know that you are as He made you, find confidence in that knowledge. Hold your head high, sweet girl. God loves you!
    2. Don’t try so hard to fit in. Sometimes you become more awkward when you try too hard to be “cool” or “sociable.” You don’t have to be a “social butterfly.” You just have to be a loyal follower of Christ. So work on that and everything else will fall into place. Be comfortable in your own shoes and your natural personality will flow.
    3. Find friends doing the things you enjoy. Take up an activity, go to youth group or start doing a hobby that you enjoy, and you will meet people who share some of your interests. This way, you can be yourself, talk about the interests you share and so on.
    4. Pray. Pray and believe and you will receive. Pray and ask God to give you self-confidence to share your real self with others. But pray also that you are fulfilled by God’s love, because ultimately, God wants you to need Him and no one else. Sure, He wants you have friends, but He doesn’t want you to feel lost when you don’t because He is there to fill that void.

    Good luck and God bless!

    Need some advice? Ask your relationship questions in the Ask Olivia Girl Talk forum or in the comments below and I might answer them in a future article!

    Ask Olivia
    Got a question about boys, your besties or God? I'm here to help! As the girl all my friends always came to for advice, I've turned my girl talk, level-headedness and love of Jesus into a job -- one I love because I was a teen not long ago, too! Click into Ask Olivia in our Girl Talk Forums to ask me a question!


    1. Oddly enough, what helped me in my socialization skills was watching disney sitcoms on Netflix. Idk why, but i guess on shows like hannah montana, wowp, and good luck charlie, everyone just seems so well socialized. Idk I guess after watching them awhile I sort of learned from the way those characters interacted. But this would probably apply to a variety of things: movies, tv shows, etc.

    2. This advice is so on point. I used to feel the exact same way! But one thing that some of my relatives have pointed out is that I’ve become more open and outgoing over the years. It’s really simple. I just started learning how to appreciate me for who I am and who God created me to be. When you don’t love yourself or feel like you have something to offer, it shows to those around you. I’m still pretty awkward and I wouldn’t really consider myself the life of a party. I’d rather watch Netflix or read a book. But I still willingly go into situations where I have to interact with people, not with the pretense of making them like me or finding friends, but for the life experience. Volunteer, join an activity, go to youth group. Whenever you are in the situation, don’t compare yourself to the other girls, but rather remind yourself that you are a person with so much to offer, and Jesus didn’t die for you to feel like less than what you were created to be.

    3. Thank you so much for replying to my post! When I saw this article, I was just like “This seems to apply to me”, and when I read the description, I realized that it was my Ask Olivia post and that it had been answered! I am happy that this was recognized, and thank you so much for the advice. God Bless!

    4. Wow this is amazing advice! I’d also say that putting the phone down is a good option too. When you’re forced to not hide behind the phone screen all the time it forces you to talk to people. Over time, this really helped to get out of my social awkwardness. 🙂

    5. Prayer. I gotta say, that has been so amazing lately. I am new to an area because I recently moved, and its so awesome. EVERY time so far that I ask the Lord to give me new friends and / or deepen my relationship with others around me, it happens! Its so awesome!
      I tend to get nervous and discouraged lately not having what seems like close friends, and going to be social with people around me who already have relationships in others and don’t seem as concerned as I am about meeting has been hard. But like I said, every time I have prayed that I can recall, I have met people or had deeper conversations with people or whatever I asked for! So pray. and “pray without ceasing”. Remember the woman in the metaphor which I believe Jesus told. She kept going to the king of her village at his throne asking for something and eventually after her continuing to ask, he gave her what she asked for. So pray with persistence. And in everything, use wisdom. Das all. (:

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