For the Girl Who Is Worried That She’ll Never Find ‘The One’

    Thanksgiving and Christmas can be tough for the single girl. People are getting into relationships or getting engaged at a faster rate than normal (which was already fast enough, thank you very much) and it’s hard to be the one on the outside looking in.

    As time passes, worry battles against the faith in your heart. Will you ever find “The One”?

    “The One” Is Not a Biblical Concept

    It might surprise you to know that “soulmate” ideology is not biblical. Nowhere in Scripture does God indicate each one of us is destined for a specific person. The idea that each of us has a “soulmate” is rooted in Greek mythology—not Scripture! God has outlined a type of person to look for; read Titus 1:5-9 for some examples. There are many people who might fit these qualifications—and that should be encouraging! As you walk in God’s will, He brings people in and out of your life. If you’re walking in the Spirit and listening to His voice, you’ll know a good man when you see one.

    The person you marry becomes “The One” once you say your vows. At that point you have covenanted before God to one another “till death do us part.”

    God Doesn’t Need Your Help; He Wants Your Trust

    Okay, so “The One” isn’t a biblical concept. But that doesn’t do any good if you’re single, right?! What if God doesn’t have marriage in the future for you at all?

    Too many young Christians ask this question. It’s the wrong question to ask! We should not waste time wondering whether or not we will get married. Instead, we should live our lives to the fullest right where we are. The more time you spend thinking about what might happen in the future, the less effective you are in the present. By dwelling on marriage, you cheat yourself of the abundant life God has for you.

    God is all-good and all-powerful. If you are seeking Him and walking in His will, He will reveal opportunities for a relationship in His time. You don’t “help” God by worrying; in fact, worry is offensive to Him! Worry says “God, you aren’t all-good or all-powerful. I can’t trust you. I need control of this part of my life.” The sad part is that we don’t even have control of our future—He does. Worry does us all harm and no good.

    God doesn’t need your help to find your future spouse. He simply wants your trust.

    God Cares About Your Relationships

    Finally, remember that God cares deeply about your relationships. All your relationships—with family, friends, boyfriends and your future spouse—matter to God because they are part of your witness for Him. He also cares about your relationships because they affect your heart, and as your loving Father, He takes thought for what you experience.

    Do you really trust that God cares about you this way? When you do, you’ll reach a new level of peace in your singleness. Worry and love cannot coexist. When you choose daily to trust God’s love and timing, you cease to worry about finding “The One.” That’s God’s job. Your job is simply to live out the calling He has given you today—not tomorrow, or the day after. There is sufficient grace for where you are right now.

    As relationships pop up in your Facebook feed, let them be a reminder of God’s love and capability. Rather than despair in your singleness, turn your eyes to Jesus. Ask Him to reveal His purpose for you in this season and to teach you how to live fully as the one He deeply loves.

    Phylicia Masonheimer
    Phylicia Masonheimer
    Phylicia Masonheimer is an author and speaker teaching women how to discern what is true, discuss the deep stuff, and accomplish God's will for their specific lives. She holds a B.S. in Religion from Liberty University, where she met her husband, Josh, and now lives in northern Michigan with her two daughters, Adeline and Geneva.


      • I agree. God has someone out there for us. He wants us to use our time as singles to prepare ourselves for the one He is bringing into our life. He knows everything, and He created us to marry one specific person whom He already knows and is working in his life.

      • I think you are misunderstanding the article a little. If we focus on the “One” or the one God has prepare for us, we will not focus on God and his direction to meet that man that God has for us. The idea of “the one” also comes from romatic movies that’s why we think like that. But in the Biblie are true love stories, like Isaac and Rebekah. In this story the servant had to find a woman for Isaac. I believe like you that this woman was the woman God prepare for Isaac, but I think is our choice to focus on God, the giver, the creator and do something like listening to the Holy Siprit, work on our character, to find that man at the right time. Do you imagine what would happen if Rebekah didn’t meet with that servant and instead she would rather stay at home? Probably another woman would take the place of Rebekah. That’s why is so important to focus on God, obey him and make him our number one priority.

      • Hey Priscilla, there isn’t room here to completely address the theology of predestination, but here’s the short version: even if God does indeed predestine us to *salvation*, that does not mean He also predestines spouses and specific circumstances. We are responsible for the choices we make in this world, including who we choose to marry (we can make a poor decision in this area, such as marrying someone with whom we are not equally yoked). An example of this would be a person marrying and then getting a divorce; divorce itself is never God’s will, as His heart is for a couple to be unified. But because of sin, divorce is allowed under certain circumstances. God can *redeem* the aftermath of a divorce, but He does not predestine divorce to happen. In the same way, God brings people into our lives, and we have the freedom to choose from those He brings by walking in His wisdom. But there is no specific soulmate designed for you; when you make your choice with His wisdom and leading, and covenant to that person before God, they become “the One”.

        • @phylicia Assuming that not everything (evil or not) is not part of God’s plan, that assumes that God is *not* all powerful. Because God is good, he does not actively participate in the bringing about of the evil, but passively lets it happen because he has planned it in his will for the greater good.
          “For we are God’s masterpiece, created in Christ Jesus to do the good works that he has prepared in advance for us to do.”
          Phylicia, I love your articles and most of your viewpoint, but do you really believe that God is all powerful?

      • There isn’t a ‘one’ in the sense that if you marry anyone else, your life and reality as you know it will end. I believe that whoever you end up marrying is the ‘one’ for you. The worldly concept of the ‘one’ involves the possibility of marrying the wrong person and then searching for that one person who will complete you. If you’re a Christian, you’re called to believe that it isn’t about the person that you marry so much as God’s transformative power, and His ability to better your marriage, and that there isn’t a perfect person for you, but there are people who are better suited to you.

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