Is It Time to Break Up?

    You’ve had that unsettled feeling for weeks. You sense a distance in your relationship, or perhaps a desire to put distance between you and your guy—and you aren’t sure why. Is it time to break up?

    There are many reasons why couples decide it’s time to call it quits on a relationship—some better than others. As you decide whether to bid your boyfriend adieu, consider the following motives to end a relationship.


    1. Your relationship has become exclusively physical.

    If every date turns into a make-out session, if you struggle to maintain purity in your relationship or you frequently find yourself falling into sexual sin—it’s time to seriously consider a breakup, or at least a break. When a relationship becomes primarily physical, there are several things at stake:

    • Your walk with God – God has commanded that we honor our bodies and honor the bodies of others. When we transgress God’s design for sexuality (or push the limits of it), we aren’t walking in God’s will, and it’s much harder to hear Him.
    • The relationship itself An exclusively physical relationship cheats its members of emotional and mental maturity. It distracts from a quality, forward-thinking partnership and creates a cycle of guilt and defeat. Rather than working together for the glory of God, this couple will spend most of their time trying not to fall into sin.
    • Your peace and purity When we make a habit of living outside God’s intentions, we feel more and more distant from our loving Father. We lack peace, wisdom and the strength to face temptations.

    Take it from someone who has been there: Don’t let a physical relationship be confused with a truly loving, Christ-centered relationship. End it before it goes too far.


    2. Your relationship is not Christ-centered.

    A physically-based relationship is a big sign that a couple is not Christ-centered. Christ-centered relationships are founded on a mutual love for God. The shared values and convictions dictate how the couple dates, talks and interacts.

    Not all Christ-centered relationships will look the same. This doesn’t mean you do devotions together every time you see one another (though that IS a good idea). It means most of your time is spent with your shared faith in mind. Everything you do as a couple comes back to your mutual love for Jesus. If this is missing from your relationship, consider how serious your partner really is about the Lord. Don’t be unequally yoked! Have faith that God is big enough to bring you someone who loves Him as much as you do. And if you lack passion for the Lord, being with someone who doesn’t follow Him isn’t going to help.


    3. One or both of you are no longer making an effort.

    Stage of life plays a big role in relationships. While some high school relationships do end in marriage, many more end right around the freshman year of college. This is because stage of life has shifted, and the roles, duties and responsibilities of adulthood pull people apart.

    This might seem incredibly sad and disappointing, but remember this: No relationship is wasted when lived to the glory of God! The people in your past are part of your life story. They help form your character and teach you about yourself and God. Just because a relationship ends doesn’t mean it was a failure.

    If one or both of you are no longer making an effort—whether because of a new stage of life or because you no longer have something in common—it might be time to say goodbye.


    Breaking up is hard. But it is better to have peace with yourself and God than to live in confusion! Pray for wisdom and confidence to move forward in whatever decision you make. And remember:

    • It is better to make the break quickly than to drag it out.
    • It is better to be honest about why you are breaking up than lead a guy on.
    • It is better to be single than to be in an ungodly relationship.

    Seek God’s will and obey Him when you hear it. He rewards those who step out in faith!

    Phylicia Masonheimer
    Phylicia Masonheimer
    Phylicia Masonheimer is an author and speaker teaching women how to discern what is true, discuss the deep stuff, and accomplish God's will for their specific lives. She holds a B.S. in Religion from Liberty University, where she met her husband, Josh, and now lives in northern Michigan with her two daughters, Adeline and Geneva.


    1. Hi, I need some advice. I believe that I fell in love with my “step brother”. He’s not really my stepbrother but our parents have been dating for 5 years. I’ve liked my “brother” since the first day I met him which is before our parents dated. We recently revealed our feelings for each other have been dating behind our parents back. We’ve struggles with lust but we have not done it. He also struggles with giving himself to god and loving himself. Oh and hes leaving to the military soon. Should I let him go? How do I know that I won’t lose him? Thanks in advance.

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