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Love

“Is It Too Pushy to Ask Him to Call Me?”

I’m crushing on this guy but there’s a problem! He lives three hours away, which means that we don’t get to see each other. What’s worse is that we only get to talk through Facebook! I don’t want this to be a “Facebook only” relationship but I don’t want to be too pushy by asking him to talk on the telephone or anything. So what should I do?

Relationships can be so tricky, especially if boundaries and expectations are left unclear! The first thing that you want to do is clarify the relationship. Are you in a relationship with this guy or are you still in the crushing stage?

If you’re already a formal couple, then a conversation definitely needs to happen. It’s important that your needs are met and you should let him know that you would like to have more contact outside of Facebook. However, if you’re still in the “crushing” phase, then it’s a little trickier – but boundaries need to be established nonetheless.

I’m a firm believer that girls should try to avoid becoming too emotionally attached until a relationship has been formally established. This is really important to avoid unnecessary heartache. So, if you’re crushing on this guy and you don’t know how he feels back, then you should have a conversation with him about it before your feelings grow too much. It’s better to be a little disappointed now than have a bigger heartache later. So the first step is to have a conversation to determine the status of your relationship!

If you two decide that there’s room for a potential relationship, then it’s okay to suggest more contact outside of Facebook. You can be casual about it and say something like, “It’s kind of hard to write everything out on Facebook, so maybe we could talk on the phone.” If he’s open to that suggestion, then you can agree on a time that works for both of you. However, if he’s not open to phone contact, then maybe you should minimize the amount of contact that you have with this guy, even on Facebook. This is important so that your feelings don’t intensify.

If you decide to just be friends, that’s okay, too! Just be sure that the boundaries are clear within the friendship. You might also want to limit the amount of contact you have with him even on social media until your feelings for him lessen.

Whatever you do, always be sure to be led by The Holy Spirit. Ask God for guidance and Godly boldness as you approach the situation. Also know that whatever the outcome is, God has created a guy who He has just for you!

So what do you girls think? Have you ever been in a relationship on social media only? How did you handle it?

Image: iStockphoto | ThinkStock

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10 Comments

  1. Shevtrixie

    Posted by Shevtrixie on February 16, 2014 at 17:18

    Im crazy about the guy who im crushing on to call me lol but I know i have to wait until we get to know each other more I think he likes me back and Im naturally emotional cause of my past I know I can deal with the feelings of crushingggg and lubbydubbyyness if nothing happens!

  2. Simplicity

    Posted by Simplicity on January 25, 2014 at 12:15

    How can I ask Ayasha a question?

  3. kaitlin.harris249

    Posted by kaitlin.harris249 on November 9, 2013 at 23:57

    This helped me too. 🙂

  4. AllForTheKing

    Posted by AllForTheKing on November 9, 2013 at 21:44

    I don’t think it’s too pushy, but if he chooses not to, take no as an answer. I’ve been in a similar situation, but he liked me back, so when the thought came up we both jumped at the opportunity to talk more.
    Here’s my advice. It’s SAFER to wait for the guy to make the first move, because then you know for sure that his feelings for you are strong. But, I didn’t wait to make the first move with my boyfriend and we have had an amazing, loving, and fruitful relationship. However, because I didn’t wait for him to make the first move, I had a lot of insecurity for a long time that he didn’t like me back as much or was just pity dating me. It’s all a matter of weighing out the consequences of each situation. Do I wish he had made the first move? Of course. Do I regret having made the first move? No.

    • Project Inspired

      Posted by rjh4509 on December 27, 2013 at 19:55

      I’m definitely at the point now where I’m not afraid of making the first move if I’m interested. The last guy I was seriously interested in didn’t work out so well, all because I was afraid to make a move. I crushed seriously from afar, learned a lot about him and was overly friendly with him (it didn’t seem so to me, but it did to him) because I was trying to MAKE him notice me and to MAKE him make the first move. He blocked me on Facebook.
      Now, there’s a guy I’m interested in and I’ve recently decided that I’m not willing to let him get away without at least giving things a try. So I’m going to ask him out swing dancing – an activity that we both enjoy that could be construed as casual, or something more. We’ll see how it goes from there.
      If making the first move feels right, do it. Also know that some guys are shy, and they’ll be very grateful if the girl can take the pressure off their shoulders. This could definitely be the case if it’s a friendship where things aren’t clear if it’s JUST a friendship or something more. Girls shouldn’t be afraid to ask and find out! It’ll save a lot of awkwardness in the long run.

  5. Musician4Life

    Posted by Musician4Life on November 9, 2013 at 17:24

    This is a great post! I totally agree with everything you said. I must say though – internet/long distance relationships are tough.. I was in one over the past year – we were together for 9 months and broke up about 4 months ago (wow time flies…). I just want to let any younger girls know, be very careful. We loved each other but there was 2,000 miles and 5 years between us… Guard your heart – even though it’s not a bad thing to love someone, just please be careful in an online relationship. It could cause a lot of pain, even if you two stay friends (like me and my ex). Sorry, this was longer than i meant it to be. It’s something I feel strongly about… But anyway great article! 🙂

  6. Project Inspired

    Posted by priscilla001 on November 9, 2013 at 05:56

    well i don’ts think it is give him time and if he doesn’t call then maybe he’s shy

  7. Dee

    Posted by Dee on November 7, 2013 at 15:19

    How do you have a conversation about your feelings with a guy?

  8. BFFofGOD4EVER

    Posted by BFFofGOD4EVER on November 7, 2013 at 13:11

    Ask him for his number, and give him yours. It’s a non-pushy way to plant an idea in his head. Text him a Bible verse, too. It helps give a little nudge. But most of all: GET YOUR PARENTS’ PERMISSION BEFORE CONTACTED THIS GUY. Good luck!

  9. floralcuteness16

    Posted by floralcuteness16 on November 7, 2013 at 12:21

    Thanks! This helped a lot actually.