Catch Nicole in Catching Faith 2 now on DVD and streaming, buy your copy here!

Catch Nicole in Catching Faith 2 now on DVD and streaming, buy your copy now!

  • Relationships
  • Films
  • About Nicole
  • Press

    Is It Wrong to Date Several People Before Meeting “The One”?

    To some readers of this post, the very title is absurd—of course it’s not wrong to date more than one person before settling down with the one God has for you! But though our culture has normalized serial dating, Christian culture has done the reverse. In an effort to “guard hearts” and promote purity (both with good intentions), Christian culture puts a lot of pressure on young people to marry the first person they date.

    This isn’t said in so many words. It’s insinuated with analogies about emotional purity and “sticky tape” hearts given “one too many times” before marriage. We’re told our future marriages will be hampered with comparison and discontent if we date more than one person. Yet this kind of pressure makes that first relationship far too serious, too soon.

    So is it really wrong to date several people before meeting your spouse? I don’t think so. Here’s why.


    It’s Not a Sin to Date More One Person

    When we make extra-biblical laws—e.g., “You should only date the person you marry”—we need to get to the heart behind the rule we’re following. Where is this found in Scripture? Since the Bible doesn’t contain a book on dating, we must look to God’s context for relationships and romance.

    From Scripture we can deduct several principles to guide our relationships:

    • Love is a choice and an action before it is a feeling (1 Corinthians 13). Therefore, our dating relationships should not be flippant and shallow, disregarding the lives involved.
    • We should make every effort to stay in peace with other believers (Ephesians 4:2-3). This means that serial dating and breaking up, moving quickly from one relationship to the next for selfish purposes, is not God’s will for our lives.
    • However, not all relationships are meant for the long term. Sometimes we need to separate from bad company (Proverbs 13:20).

    So is it a sin to date more than one person? I don’t see this having a precedent in Scripture. What would be more concerning is a lifestyle characterized by serial breakups. This points to a heart issue far deeper than dating relationships: insecurity and dependency on man instead of on God.


    No Relationship Is Wasted

    If we can date more than one person before marriage, how do we respond to a breakup? What was the point of a relationship gone sour?

    Breakups serve many purposes, not the least of which is our own spiritual growth. Through our breakups we learn more about ourselves, others and God. We determine where we need to improve in our own lives and what to look for in the lives of others. We shift our focus off the present and onto the sovereign will of God.

    No relationship is wasted if you lived it to the glory of God. Sometimes God is most glorified when a relationship ends, whether His glory is revealed in the peace both parties have at the conclusion or through what you learned in the process.


    Be Okay With a Date Being a Date

    When we pressure our relationships with the need to marry the first person we date, we stop being our most genuine selves. We start viewing brothers in Christ as prospects, acting as husband-hunters instead of sisters in the Lord. Not only does this hamper our dating lives, but it also colors our conversations with ulterior motives.

    We need to be okay with a date being just that: a date. It may grow into something more, or not. It may end in a breakup. But if you live it out for the glory of God, those days are not wasted. Those dates are not wasted. Each relationship we engage in teaches us something we take into the future—including into our future marriages.

    So is it wrong to date more than one person? Not in and of itself. What matters is the motive of the heart. Walk by the Spirit of God into the will of God, and each step you take only brings you closer to the heart of God Himself.

    Phylicia Masonheimer
    Phylicia Masonheimerhttps://phyliciamasonheimer.com/
    Phylicia Masonheimer is an author and speaker teaching women how to discern what is true, discuss the deep stuff, and accomplish God's will for their specific lives. She holds a B.S. in Religion from Liberty University, where she met her husband, Josh, and now lives in northern Michigan with her two daughters, Adeline and Geneva.


    1. This is so true. I fell into a relationship that moved way too fast. We were planning marriage just 1 month into the relationship. When it ended, I was completely crushed because I felt like I had just lost my entire future. However, God was gracious enough to pull me out of the despair I was in. He taught me so many things, and my faith grew in incredible ways.

    Project Inspired

    We here at Project Inspired want to guide and inspire teen girls to be true to themselves and to God. We want to show young girls how to be people of value and confidence – how to be your own best selves – through leading a Christian life. Who are we? We're a team of girls, like you. We edit the site, we post to social media, we hang out in the chat rooms and forums. We talk with you, we listen to you, and we love you!

    Read On

    Samaritan’s Purse Sets Up Hospital In New York City Amid Coronavirus Pandemic

    With over 80,000 cases of the Coronavirus in New York alone, the pandemic is rocking the state and the lives of everyone that lives...

    How to Choose a Bible Study Plan That Fits YOU!

    You want to read the Bible – but where do you start? Sixty six individual books are contained between its covers, some of which...

    Kirk Cameron Launches 30-Day Prayer Challenge To ‘Send Fear Running’ Amidst the Quarantine

    Late last week, film producer and actor Kirk Cameron challenged believers to participate in a 30-day prayer challenge called "30 Faith Strong" in order...

    5 Tips for Finishing Strong This Semester

    Midterms and spring break are in the rearview mirror: You’re in the home stretch! As summer comes closer, it’s easy to stop caring about...

    10 Signs It’s Time to Take a Leap of Faith

    But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more...


    Stay connected with Project Inspired.