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“I’ve Been Hurt by a Guy Online and Now I’m Having Trouble Trusting Guys Altogether. Help!”

I know this guy who I became friends with in school. Since I go to an online school I never met him in person and was trying to be cautious, but it turns out he was using me the whole time. I stopped talking to him but it’s really complicated because now I have trouble trusting guys. Like any of them.

Thanks so much for your question, girl! Unfortunately, I don’t know the details of how the guy “used” you or what kind of relationship you two had. But your question immediately makes me think of all the negatives of online relationships.

I think that the response to your question is twofold: the first part is the whole idea of having a relationship with someone online, and the second is that you have no trust for any future guy. Let’s consider one issue at a time.

First, online relationships. I don’t know the requirements for online learning, and whether you have to meet people online through school. So assuming that you do, you are right to remain cautious, always!

When you deal with someone online, you only really get to know them in the manner in which they present themselves. This is why you can’t really know someone that you’ve never met. I mean, how much can you know about someone you have met personally? That’s hard enough, right? And even that person can hide stuff from you! But a person online can hide so much more.

Fellow students or business associates are one thing, but when it comes to deep friendships or relationships, you really cannot meet someone and pursue an honest relationship online, because you can’t really know someone until you meet them.

Now, let’s tackle the trust question. The more relationships a person has, the more baggage they carry, right? It can be good and bad baggage, but either way, this baggage sets a person up for certain expectations, as well as certain fears. In your case, you got deceived and then hurt by this guy, and now you’re afraid of getting deceived and hurt by others.

This is why you need to get involved in relationships strategically and at the right time in your life. In other words, if you’re not planning on getting married to someone right now, you really shouldn’t be looking to get emotionally involved with someone. I truly believe that dating is the first step in finding your husband.

So this is what I think you should do:

  1. Stick to business if you have to meet fellow students online.
  2. Don’t get into a relationship–dating–unless you are ready to start thinking about marriage. Casual relationships with guys you don’t intend on having a future with usually end in heartache and ultimately affect future relationships.
  3. Don’t allow this deception to destroy your trust for someone else who doesn’t deserve the distrust!

Good luck and God bless!

Need some advice? Ask your relationship questions in the Ask Olivia Girl Talk forum or in the comments below and I might answer them in a future article!

Image: Project Inspired

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2 Comments

  1. Adina

    Posted by Adina on April 24, 2015 at 08:08

    Wow, that helps me a lot!! I’m in a relationship with a guy now, but my past relationships I have met online and I have a big trust issue… so this helps alot

  2. Project Inspired

    Posted by lovejoypeacebell@hotmail.com on April 24, 2014 at 19:04

    I understand how you feel. I had the same problem and even though this sounds crazy ;), I called a lady I didn’t even know, and she didn’t even know who I was too! I told her what happened and she told me some of the most encouaging words I have ever heard. I told her that my boyfriend online had broken up with me out of the blue. And she said, “Honey, just think, if you were to marry him, and to have a child, would he be a good father and husband? Do you think you would love him eternilly? Would he be a faithful husband and provider?”
    I really thought about that and I came to realize that maybe she was right.

    Good luck!