I’ve Never Kissed a Guy or Dated. Am I Being Too Picky? Advice?

    I’ve been struggling with being single in a world where my friends are dating in serious relationships, and I can’t seem to even find a guy with a mutual attraction. In high school I didn’t really care so much, but now that I’m in college it’s quite different. My roommate hooks up with guys she barely knows, and although I don’t want anything to do with that, I can’t help but feel alone. A lot of my friends are dating people that they already know they’re going to marry when they graduate in a few years, and a lot of my other friends are pairing off quickly. I’m left here like “wait a minute, where’s MY guy? Where’s MY prince charming?”

    I’ve never been in a relationship before, I’ve never even kissed a guy before. I view dating and relationships as a serious commitment, especially in college, and I don’t want to just date anyone for the fun of it. My one standard that I refuse to compromise for is that I will only date a Godly, Christian man. That obviously narrows down my “selection” if you will, and because of that I’ve turned down other great guys. I don’t need a knight in shining armor, just a good guy wearing the full Armor of God. My roommate disagrees with my views and gets really frustrated with me and says things like, “if you would just get your first relationship out of the way already this wouldn’t be so hard for you”, among other things.

    I try not to listen to her, and I try to remember that by “holding out” if you will, I am honoring God. I try to remember that He is in control and has a plan for my life, including the man He has for me, but it’s difficult. I find myself wondering constantly if my roommate is right. What if it’s my fault that I haven’t been in a relationship? What if I’m being too picky? I pray about this constantly, but I just don’t know what to do. I’m tired of people telling me that all will work out in God’s timing, because I’ve heard it a million times. Please, do you have any advice to help me with this?

    Hey girl, I know what you mean. But it will all work out in God’s timing…lol. I’m sorry! I couldn’t resist. The thing is, though, it’s true.

    Let’s cut to the chase. There’s no specific time-frame as to when you will find the guy that you would consider marrying. And isn’t that the reason one dates anyway?  So, you’re absolutely right to view dating as a serious commitment. It is!

    You know, this is a prime example of being in the world without being worldly. You have amazing Christian values, but you’re looking around you and feeling as if you’re being left behind. Why? Because you haven’t found your future husband yet? Are you ready to settle down and get married? If not, then trust me, it’s a good thing you haven’t found your Godly man. You’re in college, so you should be focused on studying and having fun with your friends and strengthening your relationship with God.

    And having not kissed someone is not something to be ashamed about. It’s something that should be commended. Unfortunately, in our culture -our world- you’ll likely be considered a prude or called something similar, but you know what? That’s okay.

    Personally, I feel that such strength and commitment is often looked at with jealous eyes. Not many people are that strong. Especially in such a sexualized culture. I mean, to say, “Get the first relationship out the way,” is in itself such a callous way to look at relationships. As if they’re so meaningless and dispensable. It’s not your fault that you haven’t been in a relationship, it’s your decision. And being picky about who you share your time and life with is not a bad thing. This idea that you need to be paired up with someone, simply because those around you are, is a destructive one. In contrast, you have opted for a true commitment, and one that you know will lead somewhere. I say it’s awesome! And I will pray that you stay strong. It’s what God wanted for all of us, so how could you ever regret such a decision. Kudos to you!

    One more thing! Life will present you with multiple situations in which you will be coaxed into the world, so you’re going to have to deal with people like your roommate all your life. Use this as part of the training in ignoring those who are trying to divert you, whether intentionally or unintentionally, away from your Christian values. Remain strong in your faith and never compromise your Christian values because you feel left out or lonely. In your haste, you may pick someone who will lead you away from the plan you and God have for yourself. In moments of darkness, God wants you to look to Him.

    So, this is what I think you should do.

    1. Trust that the time is not right and learn to be okay with that. In order to relax about  this whole thing, you need to understand that it really is okay to be single. Learn to love it. There’s a cool post on PI titled, 5 Ways to Enjoy Being Single When All of Your Friends Have Boyfriends. Check it out after this.
    2. Remember the reasons why you chose certain Christian values, and love those reasons. Make them a part of who you are and don’t be ashamed. More people should wear their love and devotion to God with strength and confidence! You never know, maybe a new attitude will inspire your friends/roommate to be more selective about who they date and kiss also!
    3. If you feel alone, then find friends that you can hang out with. Not everyone is in a relationship and not everyone who is in a relationship wants to hang out with their boyfriend all the time. So, make friends with other singles, or arrange to do stuff with just your girlfriends.
    4. Don’t get lost in the world, where culture dictates your moves. Follow your faith. Trust in God. He has your back (1 Corinthians 10:13).
    5. Pray for strength. In moments of loneliness, call out to Him and He will comfort you and remind you of how amazing you are! Because you are:)

    Good luck and God bless!

    Need some advice? Ask your relationship questions in the Ask Olivia Girl Talk forum or in the comments below and I might answer them in a future article!


    Ask Olivia
    Got a question about boys, your besties or God? I'm here to help! As the girl all my friends always came to for advice, I've turned my girl talk, level-headedness and love of Jesus into a job -- one I love because I was a teen not long ago, too! Click into Ask Olivia in our Girl Talk Forums to ask me a question!


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