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“I Rejected a Guy Friend and He’s Taking It Badly. Now What?”

Hello Olivia, I would like to ask for a bit of advice…it might not even be a question…but here it goes: Since spring, a guy from church (few hours from my church, but we meet quite often at youth events) started texting me. I would text back and stuff, and be nice…and I noticed that he kinda likes me, and I guess he wanted a relationship from it. But I didn’t want to (because of a few reasons). At the youth summer camp I told him that I don’t want to date him…and he [hasn’t been] taking it very well since. He also wanted to date my friend a week after that…probably from the hole in his heart? I really don’t know. But I feel soo bad!! He is quite a sensitive guy and I know I hurt him…but I really tried to tell him and show him in a nice way. I feel bad for him. Can I do anything to make it better, or what should I do? What I’m doing right now is praying for him. I really don’t know what else to do. I’m just not ready for dating yet. So I guess what I’m saying is, What should I do when I’m the one “rejecting”…is there any way to make it easier for him? Thank you.

Ouch! Okay, well, honestly, long story short: You need to leave him alone. Now, I know this may seem extreme, but this is how guys generally are. And some girls, too.

You see, guys need time to heal, and the only way that they can heal from a broken heart is to distance themselves from the person who hurt them. Anything less and they’ll think you’re just pitying them.

Now, I don’t know this guy, but my guess too is that he wanted to date your friend to cover up his hurt. So, I’d also suggest that you don’t offer the old “let’s be friends” scenario, because if one person is crushing on another, it is really hard to be just friends. Usually, and often secretly, one of you is crushing! And when the feeling’s not mutual, well, that causes a whole lot of unnecessary heartbreak. But I digress.

Anyway, here’s what I think you should do:

  1. Understand that guys have a different way of dealing with hurt. He’s probably really embarrassed and the last thing he wants is for you to feel bad for him.
  2. Cut off ties with him for now. Sorry! But if you care about him, you will do the selfless thing and leave him alone. Be polite and civil if you happen to be around him. Even if he’s rude to you. But leave it at that.
  3. Be careful about your interactions with guys in the future. They’re a lot simpler than we girls realize. If you’re not interested in pursuing a relationship with him, then don’t get too close.

Good luck and God bless!

Need some advice? Ask your relationship questions in the Ask Olivia Girl Talk forum or in the comments below and I might answer them in a future article!

Image: Lightstock | Ryan Klintworth


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  1. Project Inspired

    Posted by GingaNinja on December 16, 2014 at 11:32

    Thank you so much! This is *really* helpful right now 🙂

  2. ljonczy

    Posted by ljonczy on December 10, 2014 at 11:55

    Thank you Olivia so much for the advice, I appreciate it!! 🙂

  3. ljonczy

    Posted by ljonczy on December 10, 2014 at 11:54

    Thank you Olivia for the advice, a lot !! 🙂

  4. Andrea.A

    Posted by Andrea.A on November 21, 2014 at 17:40

    The same thing happened to me just recently. It started at a youth event. We sat next to each other and talked to each other and I guess he started developing a crush on me. We started talking more and I ended up falling for him. He had asked me out before, but I just never liked him like that. Once we hung out more and started talking a lot I changed my mind. I REALLY liked him. But my parents wouldn’t let us date and he knew that. One time we were in the Nursery at our Church watching the kids together. My sister comes in and sees that so she goes and tells my step-mom. The boy gets mad at my sis for telling and my step-mom for not letting us date.. The next thing I know he stops talking to me and then deletes me from FB. I know that may not seem like a big deal but it was to me because I didn’t know exactly why. Now I think he has a girlfriend. I still have to see him at Church. This was GREAT advice. Thanks Olivia!

  5. KatieEllanesse@1813

    Posted by KatieEllanesse@1813 on November 20, 2014 at 06:21

    I rejected a guy from school right before Christmas break so we were apart for almost a month. I knew he was upset but I didn’t really approach it and then after Christmas break we were friends again. I don’t think he had gotten over it completely but he wasn’t upset anymore. Probably from being apart for so long. Good advise!

  6. Project Inspired

    Posted by saraileft on November 19, 2014 at 21:02

    This is great advice. It worked for me. I rejected a guy and we didn’t speak for like a month but now we are speaking again. Guys just need to me to heal

  7. Hymnsinger99

    Posted by Hymnsinger99 on November 19, 2014 at 11:35

    This helps SOO much!!! This sounds almost exactly like my situation! I’ll be sure to follow this advice!