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    “My Best Friend and I Like the Same Guy! Help!”

    My best friend REALLY likes this boy but she doesn’t talk to him much. The problem is, I’ve been talking to him a lot lately and I’m starting to like him too! He’s an awesome guy, but I don’t want to hurt my friend! I don’t know if I should pursue him. What should I do?

    This is a tough spot to be in! When you and your best friend like the same guy, deciding what to do can be quite difficult. While you’re considering your next move, consider this important pointer:

    • Be sure to pray! It’s really important that you pray about this situation, because the decision you make can have lasting effects on your friendship. If this relationship is one that God wants you to pursue, then He’ll reveal it to you. If it’s a relationship that isn’t something that gets God’s approval, then He’ll reveal that to you, too.

    Also, ask yourself these questions:

    • Would this relationship be purposeful? Everything that God blesses has purpose. God is very purpose oriented and everything that He gives His stamp of approval to serves the Kingdom agenda in some way. Is this guy someone who could help you move forward with God? Is he someone who is invested in you and your goals? Or is he just a cute and likeable boy that you’ve developed a crush on? That’s something you might want to ask before moving forward.
    • Will this damage my friendship too much? Do you think pursuing this relationship will ruin the friendship you have with your best friend? Do you think it’s something that your friendship could survive, or will it cause anger and hurt feelings? This is something you should really think about before making your decision.
    • Is the guy interested in a relationship right now? If your crush isn’t currently interested in a relationship, then it’s possible that you could damage your friendship for a relationship that’s not even meant to be!
    • Are you showing love? Everything that God instructs us to do reflects love in some way, because “God is love” (1 John 4:8). Make sure that your decision is based upon hearing from God and showing love toward other people. It’s important that this decision isn’t purely emotional! An emotionally driven response, without weighing the pros and cons, could lead to a lot of unnecessary pain and heartache for both you and your friend! Remember, God tells us this:

    Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too. You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had (Philippians 2:3-5).

    Deciding to date your best friend’s crush could have some pretty hefty consequences. However, a relationship with this guy could also be a relationship that’s meant to be! Whatever you decide, it’s really important that you consider the options carefully and prayerfully.

    What do you girls think? Is it okay to date your best friend’s crush?

    Aysha Ives
    Aysha Ives loves God with her whole heart and has a desire to help hurting people. With a Masters Degree in Psychology, she combines her education and experience with her love for God to help people live whole and fulfilled lives. Aysha is an Author, Mental Health Provider, Youth Church Teacher, and the mother of one gifted little boy whom she absolutely adores. Aysha is honored to be able to share her love of God with Project Inspired readers. Aysha is also the author of God Cares About Your Stuff: How To Believe For Tomorrow When Things Look Utterly, Completely, And Totally Impossible Today, released February 2013- Available at Amazon.

    8 COMMENTS

    1. This happened to me and my best friend when we were like, thirteen. I was good friends with him, but she’d only met him once. Since we were only thirteen, things turned out disasterous and we stopped talking. If this happened now, I know we would handle things better, but that was when we were just starting to get interested in boys.

    2. Yeah this happened to me like a few months ago, and my friend I question got really mad and we stopped talking because I told her I liked the guy she liked. I was given advice from some other friends, and all of them said she wasn’t a true friend, because a true friend would not have gotten angry just because I like the same guy, especially since I told her I had no intention of dating him. So, if your friend in question is angry with you and you never speak again, most likely she is not a true friend, because a true friend would stick by your side through thick and thin.

    3. This exact same thing happened last year on a missions trip. Me and my best friend fell for the same guy – pastor’s son of the church we were staying at. That whole week we were having a ‘war’ over him. We were both kinda just joking around about it and I thought she was just playing around and didn’t really like him that much, but she thought the same about me. Once we both got home, we both started talking to him on Facebook and stuff. But… he kinda stopped talking to me. He kept talking with my friend, they ended up trading cell phone numbers… They were flirting a bunch and stuff and they both seemed genuinely interested in one another… and then there I was, standing in the background. I don’t think I’ve ever experienced that much heart ache. At the time I was so self conscious about myself and I just felt like I wasn’t worth it. I was so jealous of my friend and felt so awful about myself. One of my other bffs was right in the middle of both me and my friend. She was so upset for me, but so happy about her. Later I eventually accepted the fact that it just wasn’t gonna work out and I decided to be happy for my friend, she was able to snag such an awesome guy… But that ‘awesome’ guy ended up breaking my best friend’s heart. So we ritually ‘shoved him off a cliff’ and out of our lives. My friend and I made up, but there’s still some distance between us. And now, we are going to this giant competition in a few weeks… and he is going to be there representing his church. My best friend says she plans on making him jealous and stuff… But what I want to happen is for all of us to just stay FRIENDS. To put all of that behind us and just be friends… but some of that heartache I experienced before is definitely coming back, and I know for a fact it’s just gonna get even worse at the competition. Some prayer from anyone out there would be nice….

    4. If it’s just a crush for either, it’ll blow over.. when I was an 8th grader one of my best friends (she and he were both sophomores) started dating my 6th and 7th grade crush (they broke up only a few months ago, just after their 2 year anniversary), but even when she began dating him 6 months after I stopped liking him, she was still nervous even to tell me she liked him. Do with that what you will 🙂

      • Something similar happened to me too… I’m still kind of struggling with the whole situation. When I was in tenth grade I went to homecoming with this guy from my youth group and we just went as friends, or so I thought. Although I wouldn’t have admitted it at the time I did kind of have a crush on him. It was kind of awkward between us for awhile because he started acting like he might be interested in me but I was never quite sure.
        So, that’s when my family decided to move churches and I didn’t see him at youth group as much, just around school. I wrote him a note just asking to be friends and making sure everything was okay between us. After asking my best friend to give him the note, I found out the two of them liked each other… Too late, I couldn’t take back the note that was already given to him.
        They started dating. Things started to get better between me and this guy, we could talk as friends again. Then, the two of them broke up. Now, my best friend has a crush on him again but I’m not sure he feels the same way. Recently, I have been seeing him during lunch at school and maybe I’m reading too much into this but he is kind of acting like he might be interested in me again. I don’t want to hurt my best friend and I want to find out what he’s really feeling.
        I’m so glad I wrote that whole story out because it’s been weighing on me for awhile. Any suggestions, advice? And if you want to pray for me, that would be amazing. Thanks (:

    5. I’m currently having the same problem just vise versa. I’ve had this same crush for about 2 years now, and my friend knew about it. With me being more of a reserved person he tends to talk to her more. Just recently she came to me and said hey I like him as well. Now I barely get a chance to talk and it’s so frustrating! He’s always running to her and i have a feeling he likes her back! What do I do?

    6. I realised most girls here are the more reserved ones, but im the more expressive one, but i can only say that the expressive one, sometimes are also confused whether HIS REALLY THE ONE! She’s the one known to like the guy and im the one that no one knows that i like him as well.

      Especially if the guy is very well loved by all elders in church.

      Well, i think you need a spritually strong lady to talk to! Someone who’s married will be good.

      However, im kind of taught that although its modern century now, but males are still supposed to make a step. So if the guy doesn’t make his stand that he is interested to date with you with marriage in mind, i think you should think twice if its right time for dating him now.

      And for girls that are too shy to talk, i can tell you that no communication is almost no chance to date the guy. So pray for chance to speak or even chance to work together for the lord.

      I would encourage my friend who is more reserved to start expressing herself more. And she would try like writing a card and giving something before during occasions. You girls can try that, some guys might like the traditional and sweet method. ?

      And yep, do pray because its super important! But don’t pray and do nothing, cause miracles are not going to happen. Faith comes with work!

      Let’s work hard towards our future ?

    Project Inspired

    We here at Project Inspired want to guide and inspire teen girls to be true to themselves and to God. We want to show young girls how to be people of value and confidence – how to be your own best selves – through leading a Christian life. Who are we? We're a team of girls, like you. We edit the site, we post to social media, we hang out in the chat rooms and forums. We talk with you, we listen to you, and we love you!

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