Before my best friend and I got saved, we both used to date and we lived in a very depressive and sinful relationship. Now that things have changed and we both have Christian principles, things are much better. We decided to not date anymore but just be best friends, in the purest sense. We are quite close and I feel that this might be a problem. I often find that I feel a bit too close with him at times. For example, he sometimes grabs my waist when we hug or I rest my head on his lap. I understand that it’s both our faults, but I don’t know what to do. We both try to not be so physically close with each other because it could potentially lead to sinful thoughts or temptations that we want to stay away from. It’s been extremely difficult to be able to change this. I want to be able to be his best friend and not feel like his girlfriend. If you have any advice on what to do, please help!
Uh-oh! This is truly a difficult situation because the two of you have already crossed the line into intimacy. So now that you’ve experienced it, it’s a temptation that you’re familiar with. You’ve been there before, right? And in moments of weakness, what’s to stop you from justifying doing it again by arguing, “Well, what difference would it make?”
Even now, the two of you choose to cross lines that could ultimately lead you to sin. You wrote that. You both know where you’re making mistakes, but are choosing to make them anyway.
You have control over yourselves and you have the strength of God on your side, but you’re both choosing not to control yourselves, primarily because you’re willingly placing yourselves in compromising positions. You’re the one putting your head on his lap; he’s the one grabbing you by the waist. The fact is your desire to please God should be stronger than your desire to get close to each other. In John 14:15, Jesus said, “If you love Me, you will keep My commandments.”
Well, now that you’re a Christian, you understand your sins, which is great. But you’re also held more accountable for those same sins because you’re aware that they are sins. James 4:17 reads, “So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin.” Does that make sense? It’s not going to be easy in this relationship because you’ve had to pull back. But it’s your choice. And the reality is that if the two of you don’t know how to act morally around each other, you probably shouldn’t be around each other.
Being a Christian is not just this cool thing you call yourself—it’s a way of life and you need to live your Christian life consciously.
I’m sorry, girl, but I’m not sure you can be his best friend in the way that you wish.
So here’s what I think you should do:
- Determine how important this relationship is. Have you decided that this is the guy you’re going to marry? If not, you may have to end the friendship. Your relationship with God is more important than your relationship with this guy. And if you’re afraid that hanging out with this guy is going to eventually lead you to sin, then you should not be hanging out with him. Additionally, if he’s not the guy you’re going to marry, you shouldn’t be hanging out at all. You obviously still have feelings for him and feel easily tempted when you’re around him. This is certainly not a relationship that you could continue once you do find your future husband.
- If this is the guy you will eventually marry, then what are you waiting for? Talk about your future plans and decide when you’re getting married. I’d suggest the sooner the better depending on your age and life phase. If you want to spend the rest of your life together, why not start making steps in that direction now?
- If you decide to get married, establish rules about not being together alone. Don’t place yourself in compromising positions, and ensure that you’re surrounded by trusted friends at all times when you’re together.
- Pray together. Ask God to forgive your past transgressions, if you haven’t already, and then ask Him to bless your relationship. Ask Him to keep you strong when you’re together.
- Read your Bible. Let the Word guide you in your relationship, life and, most importantly, times of temptation. “No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.” (1 Corinthians 10:13 )
Good luck and God bless!
Need some advice? Ask your relationship questions in the Ask Olivia Girl Talk forum or in the comments below and I might answer them in a future article!