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    “My Crush Has a New Girlfriend…Now What?”

    I like this boy and I thought he liked me back, but I recently found out that he has a new girlfriend. This really hurt and now I’m afraid that I’ll keep being hurt by guys. What can I do to stop myself from liking guys so that I don’t get hurt again?

    Dating can be really tough, especially when you like someone and that person ends up dating someone else. Girls (and even guys, too) sometimes mistakenly believe that there’s something wrong with them when this happens. That is ABSOLUTELY NOT TRUE! The dating world can be so heartbreaking at times, but here are some suggestions to help safeguard your heart:

    • Have a conversation about a potential relationship. If you find yourself liking a guy, it’s probably best to have a conversation with him if you think he might like you back. This way, you can avoid misinterpreting signals. If you’re shy, then this might be difficult for you. If you trust the guy, then you could try asking him in writing, but DON’T ever write anything that you’d be embarrassed about if it got out!
    • Establish boundaries. It’s important to know that it’s normal for girls your age to like guys because God created males and females to be attracted to each other! However, be purposeful about not allowing yourself to develop strong emotional attachments to a guy until you’re at least formally a couple. Avoid too much flirting and physical contact to keep yourself from falling hard too soon, which could result in you getting hurt.
    • Consider courting. Courting is dating with INTENTION. When you’re dating to determine if a person is a potential marriage partner, then the focus changes from recreational dating to marriage-minded courting. I recommend that if you decide to court instead of date, that you should wait until you’re a little older when you’re truly looking for a marriage partner. Remember, you want to be ready for marriage when you start the courting process! Although courting doesn’t work for some people, it helps others safeguard their heart!
    • Pray! Never underestimate the power of prayer! The Bible says that “The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective” (James 5:16), so it’s important to bring your heartache to God! Ask Him to heal your heart and then ask Him to send the RIGHT guy into your life! When God sends Him, there won’t be that kind of heartache!

    Having a crush on a guy is normal, but it’s important for you to safeguard your heart until you’re sure he’s someone who is a potential relationship partner! I know you’re hurting right now, but believe me—your heart will heal soon. However, until then, take the time that you need to focus on yourself and the healing process. The RIGHT guy is out there for you! There are still a lot of good guys left—just wait for God’s perfect timing.

    What do you girls think? Have you ever been in this position before? What did you do?

    Aysha Ives
    Aysha Ives loves God with her whole heart and has a desire to help hurting people. With a Masters Degree in Psychology, she combines her education and experience with her love for God to help people live whole and fulfilled lives. Aysha is an Author, Mental Health Provider, Youth Church Teacher, and the mother of one gifted little boy whom she absolutely adores. Aysha is honored to be able to share her love of God with Project Inspired readers. Aysha is also the author of God Cares About Your Stuff: How To Believe For Tomorrow When Things Look Utterly, Completely, And Totally Impossible Today, released February 2013- Available at Amazon.

    12 COMMENTS

    1. This helped so much! This literally JUST happened to me and I’m still trying to get over it, especially since I was really, really starting to like this guy. And, just my opinion, but ‘courting’ is really stupid… I’m always going to date someone that I think would be a good match, and courting really doesn’t ‘save your heart’. Sometimes it breaks it even more – since you thought he could be the guy you marry. Anyway, thank you for this, again! 🙂

    2. Well, hmm. This is not exactly what I thought it would be, but oh well I guess. My situation is slightly different, he didn’t like me or seem to before he got his girlfriend, and he got her before I even started thinking about him again. You see, I met him when we were babies and I’ve always loved him since- we kinda grew apart though, when we both switched to diff schools… But I still love him and know that I always will, no matter what. It’s not the crush-y kind of love, either, it’s deeper. He was my best guy friend when we were 6 through when we were about 9. I crushed on him back then, haha. Every time I crush on anyone else, eventually it just goes back to him. He does have a girlfriend, now, as I said, and I hear stories about people dating in HS and actually GETTING MARRIED, which seemed rare before… Well, I guess it is, but it still happens! I’m scared of that. So scared. So yeah, my situation’s a little different, but that’s okay(:

    3. umm, this doesn’t help much, he’s just my crush we never dated, we both liked each other but than he got a girlfriend and he won’t talk to me 🙁 I guess I got attached and need to set better boundaries like u said 🙂

    4. I remember reading this before… and this LITERALLY just happened to me today… We were all at show choir, and some of us had another choir later. We had like an hour in between, so us girls went to Sonic. When my crush found out, he wanted to go to, so he drove on his own and met us there. He seemed really excited, and I thought it might be because of me… We’ve never flirted, but some word had gotten out that I liked him, and I wasn’t sure if he liked me back.
      Anyways, we got to Sonic, and ordered. I got to sit next to him. My popcorn chicken came out, as well as the rest of the food. Then he and one of my friends started talking about him getting together with someone else. She got all excited when he told her about the awesome time he had over the weekend, and even had his first kiss with this girl. My other friends (who new about me liking this person), were nice about it, but the girl talking didn’t really know.
      It really hurt a lot thinking about it, but when we got to choir he stood in line next to me and we talked (just casual). I tried to be cool, and so I gave him Tic Tacs. He still acted normal, but I was crushed a bit. I guess he sees me as like a little sister-friend or something… I went to the bathroom to sit down for a bit, and one of his friends was there. She talked to me a bit, and I told her what had happened.
      She is in a great relationship with this AMAZING Christian boy in our group, and she told me about how she went through a lot of what I am going through before finding her special someone. She also said I would find my ‘lobster,’ which is a ‘Friends’ reference. 🙂 (Lobsters mate for life) I feel a bit better now.
      I still like him, but I think he and this other girl are good. They are both Christians, and I like this other girl. She is nice, pretty, and they went to prom together last year. Both their parents are teachers, so it kind of worked out nice for them. Anyways, I know I will one day find my lobster, and I anticipate it greatly. 🙂

    5. This definitely helped. I just was in a situation where I liked this guy for like a year and we hung out a lot. Them out of no where he met this girl and they are dating so it kind of hurt but he’s still my friend.

    6. This happened to me when I didn’t even realize it was happening. It was a guy in choir with me and I’d talked to him some and was friends with his best girl friends (they’d grown up together, so they were basically siblings) and I learned a lot about him…which led me to assuming I knew him better than I did. I acted friendly with him, both in-person and on Facebook, but didn’t realize I was coming on pretty strong. It eventually took him unfriending and blocking me on Facebook (I noticed all of a sudden that a post we’d traded comments on had become a one-sided conversation) for me to realize how I’d acted. I’d gotten WAY ahead of myself in my mind with him – he was the first guy I’d liked who had all the qualities I’d ever looked for in a guy, so I kind of went into a “locked onto target” mode without even thinking of his side of it.
      I learned my lesson. Girls, do NOT treat your crushes as objects. In fact, it’s best if you don’t develop “crushes” at all, at least not in the sense of getting fixated on one particular guy to the exclusion of all others who may or may not like you back, or even may not know you exist. These days if I’m attracted to a guy, I’ll just talk to him – strike up a few conversations, see if he’s interesting at all. I also don’t fixate on just ONE guy, because if I did that I’d never even be open to the POSSIBILITIES of any other guys. The best ways for relationships to blossom are either from friendships, or for both you and the guy to admit there’s a mutual attraction and you’re interested in going on dates to get to know each other better. The latter is currently my strategy – mainly because I found myself interested by a guy I hadn’t looked at much before, although we’ve been in the same group for a year now. Unlike my other crushes, I wasn’t just physically attracted to him (he’s definitely cute but wasn’t “my type” which is why I hadn’t given him a second thought) but he said things that made me interested in him as a PERSON, and I am interested in getting to know this PERSON better. That’s the main lesson I’ve learned. Guys are people, not objects. Treat them like they are.

    7. This really did help when I had first read it and am still in the same kind ofmsituation and just needed to be reminded of it so Thanks for the help twice ha ha(:…but my situation is basically I started to like a guy and really haven’t had feelings for another guy like him as far as he really is for God and loves God…I haven’t really liked a guy that loved God…and honestly I don’t know why I liked other than that because I really haven’t gotten to know him and I have known him for like a long time he goes to my church and now is my step cousin *if you want to call him that* his mom married my uncle…well I was like these feelings me liking him it has to have a reason that only God knows…and so I wrote this long thing for him and messaged him on twitter well that didn’t go well because he never replied honestly probably ignored me and then a little while later had a girlfriend like that*snaps fingers*…I mean the least he could have done was reply…I am like shy when it comes to guys especially and the only thing I really knew to do was message him but ever since then he doesn’t talk to me at church we would say a few things here and there…but nothing now so I honestly don’t know I mean it was awkward at first now it’s better and I really don’t like him any more just going to forget about all that happened I mean he willingly did so I will too(:

      also if you will reply can you tell me if it is really wrong to like a step cousin as far as not even in the family because I honestly don’t think so but I could use some advice from other people(:

    8. This has actually happened to me a couple of times. It seemed that we were about to start a relationship and people were actually asking if we were dating because of the way we interacted, but it didn’t happen. When I was home for summer break, I met a guy at our church’s college group and he actively tried to spend time with me at church and on our group’s lake trip. Then suddenly on Facebook there was the post that he started dating another girl. I think this happens because guys don’t know the difference in how they should act when hanging out with a girl their interested in dating and a girl they want to be friends with. There is a taboo in society where girls and guys can’t just be friends, so when this happens the guy doesn’t know how to act around a girl other than what can be considered flirting. My best advice is what a friend told me, “hope for the best, but expect the worst.” It is ok to hope that a guy might ask you out, but don’t expect it to happen until he actually asks.

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