Hey, Olivia! I’m in college and I met this guy the first week of school. He and I became good friends and then we started crushing on each other a little into the third week of school. Then one night, he and I were supposed to have a planned study date and he said he would help me with trig, but instead lied and made me super mad, so I left before we could even study. We made up after calming down and all is forgiven. But now, he’s not as interested as he was before. He still likes me, but now when we’re sitting at the lunch table together with other girls, instead of talking to me when he sees me sitting there, he likes to talk to everyone else but me. However, when I’m sitting with his friends, he appears out of nowhere and wants to talk and sit with me. I asked God to take everyone out of my life who wasn’t meant to be in it, but this guy doesn’t seem to be going away anytime soon. I still like him a little, but he’s acting strange and shady, and I don’t know what else I can do except try to cut him out on my own.
Please help me, Olivia.
TO CUT HIM OUT OR NOT TO CUT HIM OUT?
Uh-oh! Drama! It’s funny, but you don’t really expect drama from a guy, right? But I’m wondering if this is the truth behind this guy’s motivations.
Based on what you’ve written, it does seem like this guy’s trying to get back at you. When you’re with the girls, he tries to make you jealous; when you’re with the boys, he’s trying to claim you. It’s really juvenile, and pretty much indicates that this guy’s not mature enough to have a relationship.
But what about you? What are your intentions with this guy? Are you looking to just flirt with him? Casually date him? Hopefully marry him? You didn’t clarify. I’m guessing you’re not looking to marry him, so if it’s to flirt or casually date, ask yourself if you want to give yourself emotionally to someone you don’t see a future with. Or do you?
Now, I think I’ve made it pretty clear that I believe dating is the first stage of getting married, and anything less is not usually worth the emotional roller coaster. So, I’m not an advocate of casual dating. I feel that it always leads to unnecessary heartbreak and it can be destructive to your future marriage. Not to mention that people often give at least a little bit of themselves away while casually dating.
I’m reluctant to believe that your crush is ready to get serious about anything. If he was, he would have taken you seriously when he offered to help you study. He would have cared about helping you out. He also wouldn’t have tried to make you jealous by talking to other girls. Long story short, this whole thing is really just juvenile.
So, this is what I think you should do:
- Decide now whether you really want to deal with drama, whether it’s bff drama or boy drama. School is hard enough to deal with without focusing on boys and crushes and stints of jealousy.
- Ask yourself what your intentions or hopes are with this guy. And if you see no future with him, decide if you really want to get involved.
- Make a list of the qualities of your future husband. Keep that with you as a reminder that anyone who doesn’t fill those qualities is just a distraction from your schoolwork, your friends and, more importantly, God.
- Evaluate your relationship with Christ. He wants you to put more focus on Him than on any one or thing. If thoughts of this guy are consuming you, then he means too much to you, and you really need to step back and regain composure and prioritize.
Good luck and God bless!
Need some advice? Ask your relationship questions in the Ask Olivia Girl Talk forum or in the comments below and I might answer them in a future article!