“My Friend Is Dating My Crush. How Do I Handle That?”

    I would really appreciate some godly advice! At the beginning of the school year, I admitted to my friends that I had a crush on a guy. I didn’t really know him or talk to him, but for some reason I really liked him. My friends ended up telling his friends, so he knew that I liked him. Then one of my (now former) friends told me that he texted her and said he liked her. I was sad, but I forgave her because I thought it wasn’t her fault and she said she was sorry. But then a few days later, I found out that she’s dating him, and then she would talk about him in front of me. It irritates me because she is only a freshmen and she has already said she likes or has wanted to date nine guys just this school year (seriously, I counted), and she always flirts with different guys. And now she has started to date the guy I liked, and it’s embarrassing because everybody knows I liked him. Now I always see them together at school and it’s super awkward. I really want him to find out how much she flirts with other guys and break up with her, but I know wanting revenge isn’t good. I don’t know how to handle my feelings. I have already talked to her and told her that she wasn’t being a good friend, but she was just rude to me. Please help!

    Hey girl, thanks for entrusting me with your question.

    I can’t tell you the intentions of your friend, but from what you’ve described, I can only guess that she is a little insecure. But at the same time, I sense that you’re also feeling a tad the same way. Am I right?

    Let’s look at your friend first. You write that she’s wanted to date nine guys and she’s only a freshman, and that she flirts a lot. Well, without really knowing her, I can only assume that she’s looking for attention. Which, in turn, usually means that she is lacking attention somewhere else in her life. This may be a private issue with her and her family life. When young girls are missing emotional attention from their parents, they usually look for it elsewhere. Anyway, I think the point is that she may not be happy on the inside. And you should really take this into consideration when dealing with her.

    On your part, I’m sensing that your insecurity comes from the fact that your guy picked her over you? Or that she’s had nine crushes and you haven’t? Sweet girl, please don’t assume that this lack of attention is a negative reflection on you. On the contrary, having nine crushes as a freshman really isn’t anything to boast about. And your crush picking her doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you.

    However, this jealousy and desire to seek revenge is a problem. I know you’re probably feeling somewhat betrayed because she is your friend and she knew that you liked this guy. Regardless, I urge you to remain devoted to your faith. Stay true to yourself and don’t fall apart. You know that these sentiments are negative and don’t come from the Lord. So I urge you to rise above these feelings.

    1 Peter 3:9 reads, “Do not repay evil for evil or abuse for abuse; but, on the contrary, repay with a blessing. It is for this that you were called—that you might inherit a blessing.” Sure, what your friend did was not right, but don’t let it get you down. Don’t let it cause you to stray from the Christian you that God wants you to be. Rather, embrace the moment and use it to bring out Godliness.

    So here’s what I think you should do:

    1. Pray for your friend. Set aside your negative emotions and extend love to your friend. She’s lacking emotionally and is looking to fill that void with boyfriends. That’s sad and she probably needs a really good friend right now.
    2. Don’t let your friend’s relationship with your crush get you down. If she wants to talk about him, set your negative feelings aside and be nice. If he’s around, just be polite and kind. If you can’t handle either, then change the subject kindly or excuse yourself.
    3. Remember that this is just drama. And you don’t want to get involved in drama. School is so full of it, so learn to rise above it and not be a part of it.
    4. Don’t resort to revenge or being vindictive. This guy will see the truth eventually. You don’t have to get involved. You know that doing so only comes from a desire to break them up, and that’s just mean, too.
    5. Talk to God. Pray that God helps you remain true to your faith and true to Him, so that future crushes don’t encourage you to behave in a manner unbecoming of the Godly girl that you are.

    Good luck and God bless!

    Need some advice? Ask your questions in the Ask Olivia Girl Talk forum or in the comments below and I might answer them in a future article!

    Ask Olivia
    Got a question about boys, your besties or God? I'm here to help! As the girl all my friends always came to for advice, I've turned my girl talk, level-headedness and love of Jesus into a job -- one I love because I was a teen not long ago, too! Click into Ask Olivia in our Girl Talk Forums to ask me a question!


    1. I had something similar happen once… Except I’d never told anyone but my family about my crush. I’d liked him for a long time (still do, in fact), and had come to care deeply for him and wish that he would like me back. Then he started dating a mutual friend from our drama group. It felt like someone had socked me in the gut. And what made it harder was that the girl was like an extroverted, somewhat more liberal version of me. We’ve been referred to as being almost like twins a few times. So I was very confused and slightly insecure about the fact that not only was he dating someone else, but she was a mutual friend and similar to me. I felt like there was something wrong with me. But I cared about the guy, so I resolved to pray for him and for the relationship, and for God to work it all out for them if they were meant to be together. It gave me some measure of peace, and helped me avoid becoming bitter towards either of them. Eventually they went their separate ways, and now I’m glad that God protected me from hating the girl or from holding onto anger about the situation. God gives peace.

      • IK the feeling all too well, girl….. except, in my case, my one best friend and his girlfriend are together still :’) Ah, well, @ least we can pray for peace of mind. I hope everything works out good for the both of them, and just do my best to be happy for em.

    2. How do you get over a guy that you have had a crush on for 3 years who is a really good guy and is strong in his faith. I have tried praying about it and nothing. I really want to be able to move on.

    3. Oh man I so know how you feel. I told some of my friends I liked this guy and I did for several years. I would think someother guy was cute but I always came back to liking him. Well he moved away and then one of my friends told me he had said he liked her. I think I I went kinda crazy and felt hurt I did forgive her. But instead of moving on a tried to get into another relationship. That I ruined. Today I am much better but I am still trying to look to Jesus for fulfillment. Thanks so much for this post.

    4. I actually need help I’m having the same problem right now. My Best Friend is dating my crush and I feel like crying she gets a boyfriend and when they break up she gets upset not only do I like and and not want them to date I don’t want her to get hurt. I know people say this is dumb considering I’m in eight grade almost a freshman but he’s the only crush I talk to. And it does make me a little jealous but I don’t want to tell my BFF how I feel.

    5. I NEED HELP. I am pretty young (6th Grade) but I have these feelings too! My crush started dating my friend a week ago and I just found out. Turns out my other friend had set them up without knowing I like him. I don’t know how to feel since we are still kids and I also don’t know if she really likes him as much as I do. She knows him a bit more that I do, but I don’t think I have to know him that well to tell he is a great guy. Should I tell them? Should I talk to other friends? Should I keep everything to myself? HELP!!!

      • I’ve struggled with these kinds of these as well Samantha. Just think, it’s only 6th grade, middle school dating is only drama and only lasts for a little while. Pray for your friend, your crush, and your attitude towards the both of them. Also ask God to give you the wisest choices to make with this situation!

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