“My Friend Is Dating My Crush. How Do I Handle That?”
Written by Ask Olivia | February 25, 2015
I would really appreciate some godly advice! At the beginning of the school year, I admitted to my friends that I had a crush on a guy. I didn’t really know him or talk to him, but for some reason I really liked him. My friends ended up telling his friends, so he knew that I liked him. Then one of my (now former) friends told me that he texted her and said he liked her. I was sad, but I forgave her because I thought it wasn’t her fault and she said she was sorry. But then a few days later, I found out that she’s dating him, and then she would talk about him in front of me. It irritates me because she is only a freshmen and she has already said she likes or has wanted to date nine guys just this school year (seriously, I counted), and she always flirts with different guys. And now she has started to date the guy I liked, and it’s embarrassing because everybody knows I liked him. Now I always see them together at school and it’s super awkward. I really want him to find out how much she flirts with other guys and break up with her, but I know wanting revenge isn’t good. I don’t know how to handle my feelings. I have already talked to her and told her that she wasn’t being a good friend, but she was just rude to me. Please help!
Hey girl, thanks for entrusting me with your question.
I can’t tell you the intentions of your friend, but from what you’ve described, I can only guess that she is a little insecure. But at the same time, I sense that you’re also feeling a tad the same way. Am I right?
Let’s look at your friend first. You write that she’s wanted to date nine guys and she’s only a freshman, and that she flirts a lot. Well, without really knowing her, I can only assume that she’s looking for attention. Which, in turn, usually means that she is lacking attention somewhere else in her life. This may be a private issue with her and her family life. When young girls are missing emotional attention from their parents, they usually look for it elsewhere. Anyway, I think the point is that she may not be happy on the inside. And you should really take this into consideration when dealing with her.
On your part, I’m sensing that your insecurity comes from the fact that your guy picked her over you? Or that she’s had nine crushes and you haven’t? Sweet girl, please don’t assume that this lack of attention is a negative reflection on you. On the contrary, having nine crushes as a freshman really isn’t anything to boast about. And your crush picking her doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you.
However, this jealousy and desire to seek revenge is a problem. I know you’re probably feeling somewhat betrayed because she is your friend and she knew that you liked this guy. Regardless, I urge you to remain devoted to your faith. Stay true to yourself and don’t fall apart. You know that these sentiments are negative and don’t come from the Lord. So I urge you to rise above these feelings.
1 Peter 3:9 reads, “Do not repay evil for evil or abuse for abuse; but, on the contrary, repay with a blessing. It is for this that you were called—that you might inherit a blessing.” Sure, what your friend did was not right, but don’t let it get you down. Don’t let it cause you to stray from the Christian you that God wants you to be. Rather, embrace the moment and use it to bring out Godliness.
So here’s what I think you should do:
- Pray for your friend. Set aside your negative emotions and extend love to your friend. She’s lacking emotionally and is looking to fill that void with boyfriends. That’s sad and she probably needs a really good friend right now.
- Don’t let your friend’s relationship with your crush get you down. If she wants to talk about him, set your negative feelings aside and be nice. If he’s around, just be polite and kind. If you can’t handle either, then change the subject kindly or excuse yourself.
- Remember that this is just drama. And you don’t want to get involved in drama. School is so full of it, so learn to rise above it and not be a part of it.
- Don’t resort to revenge or being vindictive. This guy will see the truth eventually. You don’t have to get involved. You know that doing so only comes from a desire to break them up, and that’s just mean, too.
- Talk to God. Pray that God helps you remain true to your faith and true to Him, so that future crushes don’t encourage you to behave in a manner unbecoming of the Godly girl that you are.
Good luck and God bless!
Need some advice? Ask your questions in the Ask Olivia Girl Talk forum or in the comments below and I might answer them in a future article!