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Christian Life

“My Friend Loves to Talk About Herself, but Never Listens to Me! What Do I Do?”

Teenage girl talking to friend

My friend likes to talk about herself or her likes/dislikes. I mean, it’s nice to know more about her, but I want to talk sometimes, too. Whenever I say something, she kind of brushes it aside or just keeps talking. I need advice. Thanks!

Girl, I definitely sympathize with what you’re going through! Don’t we all know someone like this? I know I do! Unfortunately, there will be some people who just love to talk about themselves. But, as you know, having a conversation with someone is part talking and part listening!

Friendship is a give and take relationship. And there truly is an art, or at least etiquette, involved in being a friend. I’m guessing that your friend is not aware of this and it might be something that you need to help her with, if that’s possible.

The reasons why people act like this are numerous. Maybe they fight for attention at home. Maybe they’re insecure, lonely or simply have never been taught how to have a conversation. Regardless of the reasoning, it’s annoying, right? But don’t take it personally. And don’t assume that her behavior means that you have nothing interesting to say. Instead, chalk it up to bad manners!

Anyway, here’s what I think you should do:

  1. Tell her how you feel. If she’s a good friend, she’ll want to know if she’s not treating you well. She may not even know that she’s doing it. Be kind and respectful. Maybe tell her that you love hearing her stories, but you’d love a chance to share yours.
  2. Be a good listener. Ask questions. Give her a demonstration on how to have a conversation and hopefully she will pick up on it.
  3. If she’s not willing to change, you may have to come to terms with this being her personality. If this is the case, it’s really up to you to decide whether you want to continue a relationship with her. If she’s not that great a friend, it may not be a big deal in the long run. Just come to terms with how she is and don’t take it personally.
  4. Pray that God gives you patience and grace to treat her with kindness and respect during those times when you feel frustrated.

Good luck and God bless!

Need some advice? Ask your relationship questions in the Ask Olivia Girl Talk forum or in the comments below and I might answer them in a future article!

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4 Comments

  1. sha566

    Posted by sha566 on November 1, 2015 at 17:42

    Hi Olivia, so I have been a Christian for as long as I can remember. I have prayed multiple times trying to devote my life to Jesus. However, I do not really have a testimony. My parents are not huge Christians, but my sister is. I haven’t really ever felt anything from God or heard his voice or anything. I have heard the Bible verse that says, “Look wholeheartedly and you will find me.” I have been trying that. I read a devotional everyday and pray multiple times a day. I am still not sure if my life seems any different than before. Today I was reading John 15 and Jesus said, “You do not choose me, I choose you.” This verse scared me. Does this mean that Jesus didn’t choose me? What does this verse mean?

    • Project Inspired

      Posted by swirl999 on November 15, 2015 at 18:46

      Hey friend,
      I’m not Olivia but maybe I can help. I don’t see that verse to be a judging kind of thing. If you look at the context, Jesus is talking to the disciples, who used to just be ordinary people leading ordinary lives. Even though they weren’t extraordinarily good people at that point, He sought them out and helped them to be their best selves. It seems to me like He’s telling them not to be prideful about their being His followers, honestly.
      I’d like to say a little more, because you’re worth it. Just because you haven’t had any dramatic or prophetic experiences, doesn’t mean you’re worth less than those who have. Most of us aren’t prophets. I’d say this: if you’re looking for God, then do not be afraid to love everyone and everything as much as you possibly can. “Whatever you did for one of the least of these…”

      🙂 Anna

  2. Project Inspired

    Posted by GymnastGirl97 on October 30, 2015 at 09:34

    I know someone like this, but she’s not really a friend….she likes hanging out with me, and I normally wouldn’t mind except that she is very clingy.

  3. mirandanoelle

    Posted by mirandanoelle on August 3, 2014 at 20:25

    Wow this was really helpful for me, thanks:) I have a friend who is like this and I’ve been struggling with how to deal with it, but this really is awesome advise!