I was raised in a Christian household and I’ve always believed in God, but when I started high school, my faith life kind of died down…. I never opened my Bible until Sunday and never really questioned if I was living my faith. Recently it dawned on me that I was just starving my spiritual self and that needed to change, so I always make time to read my Bible every day and have time to pray. My boyfriend is also a Christian, but he was raised in a very different life and he seems to have problems with seeing what is right, like not watching inappropriate movies or [hearing inappropriate] music…and he apparently only quit smoking because of me. He’s starting to tell me that I’m overbearing and I need to loosen up (it hurts so much). I know that stuff is wrong and I tell him it’s not right to be doing stuff like that, but he just gets aggravated. I really don’t see him putting his faith over himself. What do I do? We are planning on getting married next year. Good luck and God bless!
Well, sweet girl, if he’s telling you that you’re overbearing now, what will he say once you’re married?
I’m going to be really honest with you because you are planning on marrying this guy. When it comes to Christianity within a home, it’s really important to be on the same page. Now, if you were already married, I’d suggest you make it work, but since you’re not married yet, I’d strongly urge you to think very carefully about following through on your plans of marriage. You see, scripture is really clear about “lukewarm” Christians. In Matthew 12:30, Jesus says, “Whoever is not with me is against me, and whoever does not gather with me scatters.”
In my honest opinion, your guy is lukewarm in his faith. Worse, he could be Christian just in name, which means he’s not even trying to follow Christ. Regardless, you need to think about some really important things when it comes to marriage.
What about when children come into the picture? Strongly devoted Christians are very particular when it comes to bringing up their children. Will you and this guy share parenting skills and values? Will he come to church with you every Sunday? What about the kind of friends he’ll bring back to your home?
I’m not going to tell you not to marry this guy—that’s totally your decision. But I do have concerns and urge you to really think about this before taking the big step, especially when it means a lifetime commitment. But more than that, my fear is that this guy will smother your zeal for Christ, so that eventually you too will become a lukewarm Christian, and how sad would that be?
So, this is what I think you should do:
- Read “10 Signs He’s ‘The One’” and “I Think I’ve Found ‘The One’! Now What?“ These posts will help give you an idea of how your future husband should act. You see, your focus should be 100 percent on God, and you and your spouse should help each other when it comes to strengthening your faith.
- Ask yourself if you really want to compromise your faith. Because that’s what you’ll have to do. Not to mention you’ll be choosing someone who’s likely not going to help you strengthen your faith, nor will he be interested in your desire to strengthen his. If anything, you’ll probably end up resenting each other. So take the time to really think about whether you can live with the “stuff” that you think is wrong about his lifestyle. Remember James 1, which reads, “Therefore rid yourselves of all sordidness and rank growth of wickedness, and welcome with meekness the implanted word that has the power to save your souls.”
- Be honest with your guy. He needs to know that you’re serious about living a life according to the Word. So discuss some of the issues that will likely come up during your marriage, such as instilling a strong faith in your children’s upbringing.
- Read your Bible. Scripture is pretty clear about how to live a Christian life. It also reminds us that you can’t love God halfway.
- Pray. God’s guidance is what you need and your prayers will be answered in the way that you feel about the idea of marrying this guy, as opposed to being married to someone who shares and strengthens your faith.
Need some advice? Ask your relationship questions in the Ask Olivia Girl Talk forum or in the comments below and I might answer them in a future article!