My Thoughts About Living Together Before Marriage
Written by T.M. Gaouette | May 30, 2015
Ladies, living together outside of marriage has become such a norm these days that people hardly think twice about it. But as Christians, we are called to live a Godly life.
While scripture doesn’t mention anything about a man and a woman living together outside of marriage, it is pretty clear about sex between a man and a woman outside of marriage: “Let marriage be held in honor by all, and let the marriage bed be kept undefiled; for God will judge fornicators and adulterers” (Hebrews 13:4).
So many people justify living together before marriage. But God designed relationships in such a way that works for good. Anything less than what He planned usually leads to chaos and dysfunction. There’s a reason why. God’s creation of Adam and Eve is just the beginning, but it’s not a story that should be taken lightly. Genesis 2:24 reads, “Therefore a man leaves his father and his mother and clings to his wife, and they become one flesh.” There’s no relationship that comes in between the one as a child living with our parents to the one as an adult living with our spouse.
God’s design is perfect, and when we divert from it, we cause imperfections. We cause the dysfunction.
If you’re considering cohabitation and assuming that there’s no harm in it, check out these following truths first:
- It doesn’t give you an idea of what life would be like together. Living together and being married are not the same. Just ask someone who lived with her boyfriend before they got married. Oftentimes, people accuse each other of “changing” after getting married. There are certain expectations after marriage. So living together doesn’t give you the full picture. Instead, it offers a distorted image of the perfect design that God created. It’s not the real thing.
- It places you in a position of sin. Scripture reads that the marriage bed should not be defiled. When a man and woman live together before marriage, they do get intimate on several levels. Not only is sex outside of marriage a sin, but many couples have children outside of marriage as well, so they’re introducing a child into a potentially broken situation instead of one that offers security and stability for a child. This is one of the main points of marriage.
- It goes against God’s order of things. Scripture says that a man leaves his father and mother and becomes one flesh with his wife. God’s plan for marriage is that a man and woman meet pure, marry, consummate their marriage and then multiply.
- It doesn’t always lead to marriage. And sometimes when it does, it can be for the wrong reasons. Yeah! This is a weird one. But really, think about it. At one extreme, a man and a woman may choose to live together and delay marriage or even not bother with it because they assume they’re pretty much in a “marriage” situation already, so why bother. At the other extreme, the man and woman may decide to get married just because it’s the next logical step, not because they’re right for each other.
- It’s just an easier way to get out of a commitment. I mean, think about it. While “breaking up is hard to do,” it’s easier to walk away from living with someone than from being married to someone. With marriage comes commitment. Living together is the easy way. It’s man’s way of fulfilling a desire, but it’s not God’s way.
Ladies, living together is not just wrong because it almost always results in two people having unmarried sex, whether they intended to or not. It’s also wrong because it goes against God’s order of things. We may believe that marriage will come next, but what if it doesn’t? And if you’re sure marriage will come next, then why not get married now?
Ladies, what are your views on living together before marriage?
*Note from the editor: A previous version of this article contained views on contraception not held by the entire Project Inspired team.