Hi Olivia! I have a friend that I’m just starting to reconnect with again. When we interact through texting, I always get this sense that the things I say make me appear to be “too sweet,” or, in other words, I don’t want to come off as clingy to this girl. She is initiating a lot of contact between us and has invited me to hang out with her. Am I just being insecure? How can I overcome insecurity and just enjoy interacting with friends instead of doubting myself constantly?
Hey girl, thanks for the question! I’ll be honest from the get-go. I’m concerned that you’re creating a problem where none exists.
Your friend obviously likes you enough to initiate hanging out, right? So whatever you’re doing seems to be fine with her. She likes you and she likes hanging out with you. So leave it at that. You don’t want to overanalyze your relationship to the point that you make it an effort to be a friend. There’s a difference between working hard to be a good friend versus working hard to impress someone.
So here’s what I think you should do:
- Relax. If you do enjoy her company, you don’t want to ruin that relationship by being insecure.
- She obviously likes to hang out with you, so take that as proof that you’re likable.
- Listen to your friend. If she voices a concern, then reconsider your behavior.
- Know that your self-worth is not determined by how much someone likes you, but by how much God loves you…and He died for you. Wow! That’s love.
- Learn to love yourself. Without being conceited, of course. It’s really important to know that you’re likable, because if you don’t even like yourself, it’s hard to imagine why others do. So make a list of all the things that you think are cool about yourself. And then accept that you are likable.
- Develop a sense of self-confidence so others won’t take advantage of you. When insecurity sets in, we’re easily manipulated. Don’t allow yourself to be negatively influenced simply because you might want to make friends or not feel left out.
- Pray. When we pray constantly and consistently, we create a strong relationship with God, and this fills any negative void, whether it be loneliness, insecurity or sadness.
I pray that this helps!
Need some advice? Ask your relationship questions in the Ask Olivia Girl Talk forum or in the comments below and I might answer them in a future article!