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Christian Life

“Need Advice! How Can I Overcome Insecurity and Enjoy Interacting With Friends?”

Hi Olivia! I have a friend that I’m just starting to reconnect with again. When we interact through texting, I always get this sense that the things I say make me appear to be “too sweet,” or, in other words, I don’t want to come off as clingy to this girl. She is initiating a lot of contact between us and has invited me to hang out with her. Am I just being insecure? How can I overcome insecurity and just enjoy interacting with friends instead of doubting myself constantly?

Hey girl, thanks for the question! I’ll be honest from the get-go. I’m concerned that you’re creating a problem where none exists.

Your friend obviously likes you enough to initiate hanging out, right? So whatever you’re doing seems to be fine with her. She likes you and she likes hanging out with you. So leave it at that. You don’t want to overanalyze your relationship to the point that you make it an effort to be a friend. There’s a difference between working hard to be a good friend versus working hard to impress someone.

So here’s what I think you should do:

  1. Relax. If you do enjoy her company, you don’t want to ruin that relationship by being insecure.
  2. She obviously likes to hang out with you, so take that as proof that you’re likable.
  3. Listen to your friend. If she voices a concern, then reconsider your behavior.
  4. Know that your self-worth is not determined by how much someone likes you, but by how much God loves you…and He died for you. Wow! That’s love.
  5. Learn to love yourself. Without being conceited, of course. It’s really important to know that you’re likable, because if you don’t even like yourself, it’s hard to imagine why others do. So make a list of all the things that you think are cool about yourself. And then accept that you are likable.
  6. Develop a sense of self-confidence so others won’t take advantage of you. When insecurity sets in, we’re easily manipulated. Don’t allow yourself to be negatively influenced simply because you might want to make friends or not feel left out.
  7. Pray. When we pray constantly and consistently, we create a strong relationship with God, and this fills any negative void, whether it be loneliness, insecurity or sadness.

I pray that this helps!

Need some advice? Ask your relationship questions in the Ask Olivia Girl Talk forum or in the comments below and I might answer them in a future article!

Image: iStockphoto

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4 Comments

  1. sunbluie

    Posted by sunbluie on August 22, 2014 at 17:09

    i love this! and thanks Ductaper4Jc

  2. Ducttaper4JC

    Posted by Ducttaper4JC on August 21, 2014 at 19:25

    I’m 20, and have battled insecurities my whole life. One big one that produces loneliness is that, “even though others enjoy having me around, they wouldn’t miss me if I were gone.” Which, obviously, knowing that others enjoy having you around won’t remove that insecurity.

    Here is one thing I’ve learned to do to help ease the insecurities. I tell my friends “if I EVER annoy you or come across as too clinging or ANYTHING, just tell me please.” Then every time any insecurity comes up, I simply remind myself “I told my friend to tell me if I was bothering them, and I trust them to keep that commitment. They haven’t said anything, so I must be okay.”

    It has only been recently that I’ve actually started to get past some of my insecurities, instead of just handling them. Because of the unique and specific position God had me in for that process, I can’t give a ton of practical advice. What I can say is that learning how much God loves and values you, how lovable and valuable you are, and thus learning to love and value yourself, is key.

  3. Publicpassion

    Posted by Publicpassion on August 20, 2014 at 23:23

    I really needed this! Thank you! Although I do have some questions. I’ve been battling loneliness lately. Not the I don’t have a boyfriend kind. But feeling unwanted and unneeded by everyone. I don’t know why, but it hurts a lot. What can I do? Is there certain scripture that speaks of it? Please and thank you!

    • Project Inspired

      Posted by Alexus on August 21, 2014 at 18:43

      hi Publicpassion! Feeling unwanted or unneeded is tough. I remember going through a time where I felt worthless and unspecial, I hated myself and wanted to die because I doubted God and didn’t see the point of living without him, because life without him is vain. I realized that my insecurities came from feeling unloved by my Mom and Dad. I live with my Grandma, my Dad is in jail and I didn’t want to live with my Mom because she was a selfish person and didn’t parent righteously, letting her boyfriend govern and even spank her kids. I realized that my feelings of worthlessness came from feeling worthless to my own parents. I had to pray to God to show me my worth was in Him. That I am so valuable Jesus died for my sins. I realized later my parents do love me. My mom just loves herself more and my Dad just made bad decisions and hopefully when he gets out of jail in December he will show me he loves me by treating me right and being here for me. But if he doesn’t come through for me it will be so very hurtful, but I will have to pray to God to learn to accept it and let it go. I live with my Grandma right now I am secure in myself because I know God loves me with all his heart, a great and infinite passion, but I my mom told me why she let me live with my grandma. It wasn’t because she felt bad for me having a hard time living in there household, like I had thought. It was because I was disturbing the peace at there house and she wanted me to leave so that her boyfriend wouldn’t leave. She even blamed me because she said that everyone was on the same page and I didn’t want to be a part of it. I didn’t want to be a part of it because I knew better, my other siblings didn’t. But when she told me this it hurt so bad. For a moment I hated her and I had to force myself to forgive her. But it still hurts sometimes when I think about it. God got me through all this. Reasuring me that event though my parents love wasn’t unconditional his was. He reminded me of all the things he got me through and did for me. That his love was eternal and I couldn’t earn it because I was already worth it, not on my own, but because his love made me worth it. So if you are feeling unwanted and unneeded, ask God what is making you feel that way. Maybe something is going on around you that you aren’t recognizing but feeling without realizing it. Are you being treated with unconditional love by the people you love or depend on. If not you need to take it to God and ask him to give you healing, forgiveness, peace of mind and self love. Ask God to remind you of all the times you share and all the things you have been through together. Let him show you how much he loves you. Ask for an anointing. When you ask God for a spiritual anointing over a situation, God puts his supernatural power over the situation and renews your heart, mind, body, soul and circumstances. When you do this get alone in a room where you can really get alone with God and ask him to speak to your spirit and anoint you. Finally Have Faith. Know that God will give you the confidence and value you seek and that he will change your circumstances and put people around you to help support you and give you love. There still will be periods of time where the devil tries to isolate you and make you feel insecure again. We always need to talk to God about everything and let him renew our faith and give us hope again. God bless you! I hope this helps and I will be praying for you!