Need Advice! How Far is Too Far, Physically?
Written by Ask Olivia | September 10, 2014
I do need advice! I have a boyfriend and we’ve been dating for 8 months. I do believe that he’s a believer. So, my question is how far is too far physically? We both have agreed to no sex before marriage because we know that’s in the Bible, but I am pretty confused at where we should draw a line. The Bible says to stay away from sexual immorality, so what exactly does that mean?
Oh, girl! I gotta admit. I kinda cringed when I read your question. I mean, think about it. You’re basically asking me how far you can go before sinning. What’s the furthest I can go before I hit sin? Really? So, you’re willing to test the limits with God’s Word. You’ll stay within the boundaries, but you want to go out as far as you can. I don’t mean to sound harsh, but that’s your question. If you didn’t know how to swim, would you go out as far as you could before your tippy toes no longer touch the ground? Or would you stay where it’s safe?
I’m going to cut to the chase. If you’re talking about intimacy, then I think kissing on the lips is as far as you can go. Not kidding! And I’ll explain why.
1 Thessalonians 4:3-5 reads, “For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God.”
This verse uses words like, “sanctification,” “control your body,” “holiness” and “honor.” Now, I don’t know what you and your boyfriend have in mind, but can it be described using those words?
Often, we get into relationships and we set our guidelines to where we feel we can personally handle it. But, let’s be honest. In the heat of the moment, when our boyfriend’s gorgeous eyes are looking into ours and we’re feeling warm and fuzzy, we may be tempted to step over that line. We then set another guideline and pray that we don’t overstep that one. Of course, there are those who believe that they’re above temptation.
But no-one is above temptation, so why would we willingly put ourselves in a situation that tests? James 1:14-15 reads, “But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death.”
The truth is that any act of intimacy can lead to the next level. Commonly, intimacy begins with touch, such as holding hands, then a kiss on the lips. This can easily turn into more passionate kissing, and let’s be honest, this leads to more inappropriate touching, and whoa!!!!!!!!! I’m gonna stop there! I’m pretty sure you know how it goes on from there, and how in the heat of the moment, things can escalate pretty quickly and we’re in a place where “sanctification,” “holiness” and “honor” have never been! So, do you want to take that chance?
Scripture says to refrain from sexual immorality. But it also talks about avoiding lust.
So, here’s what I think you should do:
- Read your Bible. Scripture is clear about how we as Christians should live our lives, including how we should conduct ourselves when it comes to morality.
- Understand the significance of purity and chastity, and why God reserves intimacy for those who are married. Unfortunately, our culture is so sexualized that a kiss is treated as trivial. Well, if it was so trivial, why do we want our first kiss to be so special? If it’s so special, shouldn’t we be saving it for the most special man in our lives?
- Pray. Scripture says that there is no form of temptation out there that no-one else has had to endure. And that God provides a way out of all temptation (1 Corinthians 10:13). So if you’re finding yourself tempted to become more intimate with your boyfriend, know that God can help you overcome that. So, pray and ask Him for strength.
So, if you want to follow scripture, then you should be saving all those intimate moments for your husband. I hope that helps!
Good luck and God bless!
Need some advice? Ask your relationship questions in the Ask Olivia Girl Talk forum or in the comments below and I might answer them in a future article!