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“OH NO! I Have a Crush on My Best Friend’s Crush!”

“So, my best friend has a really big crush on this guy at our church, they’re friends but not really close, and he doesn’t know she has a crush on him. But the problem is, I’ve been talking to him a lot lately, and I’m starting to really like him! I don’t know what to do! I really don’t want it to ruin or hurt our friendship; I haven’t even told her (or anyone) that I like him.”

Girl, that’s one tough spot to be in! It’s SO hard when you like the guy your best friend also likes. My first question to you would be, who is this guy that you’d risk–or possibly even end–a friendship over? And not just a regular friendship. Your best friendship. Is he worth it? And what would make him worth it?

I’m not big on casual dating–I think that dating should be the first stage in finding your husband. Anything else leads to heartache, right? So in my opinion, if this guy’s not a candidate for a long-term commitment, why are you risking a friendship? Good friends are so hard to find and best friends can be in your life forever, but a casual relationship can come and go in a matter of weeks.

If this guy turns out to be the one, then he will find his way to you in an honest way, whether it’s when your friend’s crush fizzles out or later on in life. If not, then it’s not worth upsetting your best friend, or worse, losing her. Trust me…when you look back on this, you’ll be glad you didn’t pick a boy over a friend!

So what now? Well it’s not like you can just snap your fingers and make your feelings for this guy disappear overnight. Here’s what I suggest in the meantime:

  • Walk away whenever possible. Of course, you don’t want to be rude to him, but don’t go out of your way to talk to him, and definitely don’t flirt with him.
  • Try not to think about him because it’ll only make you feel bad. Instead, busy your mind by doing an activity, getting together with your friends or reading your Bible.
  • Pray that God changes your heart!

It’s not going to be easy, but you will get through this…and you’ll be a better friend because of it!

God bless you and good luck!

Need some advice? Ask your relationship questions in the comments below and I might answer them in a future article!

Image: Project Inspired

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17 Comments

  1. Zutterfly

    Posted by Zutterfly on January 15, 2017 at 09:16

    I had a crush on this dude for a good amount of time and we’ve been texting. Me and him dont text often like we used to do, but then i started texting his best friend and my best friend’s crush. I started liking him but i like my other crush as well. The issue is that i lied to the new guy i like to impress him by taking credit for my other friend’s drawings, i feel really bad about it. My friend then found out and is mad at me. I’m afraid the new guy i like knows that i lied and he might never see me the same way again. What do i do?! Starting a conversation is hard!

  2. cassidychance

    Posted by cassidychance on December 16, 2014 at 19:46

    I like my best friends crush. I liked him before and then I got over it because the feelings weren’t mutal. now things have changed and my best friend, my crush, and another guy are best friends. the other guy (let’s say his name is zach) likes my best friend (let’s say her name is kate.) the thing is she doesn’t like him anymore and she’s moved into my crush/old crush (let’s say his name is cody.) I haven’t told her that I like him yet because im afraid she’ll be mad at me. me and cody talk all the time, and we have lots of classes together (more than him and kate.) he flirts and I flirt. I don’t want to hurt kates feelings but to be honest she’s had tons of boyfriends and I haven’t. I love my best friend to death; what should I do?

  3. Project Inspired

    Posted by gmstgirl on May 20, 2014 at 16:47

    ok here’s the story I NEED help. it all started today 4-20-14 I was in childcare with my best friend Emma and we both know full well I have a super huge crush on this guy named Elijah and today he was sitting in front of me in the computer lab. and well he forgot to log off. Emma dragged me up to his computer brought up a sticky note and started typing. then after about a minute this is what it said

    I love you- Lindsey (one of my friends)
    but my friend GraceMarie( My Name) loves you way more. but she’s super scared to talk to you. But If you talk to her first, I promise she’ll respond. all you have to do is tell her that you either tell her you like her or think she’s pretty.

    and before knew it, it as time to log off she saved the note and we logged off for him.

    we were giggling all the down the stairs. but inside I had died. I really scared what if he actually does.

    TOTS SCARED,

    GraceMarie
    (AKA gmstgirl

  4. Project Inspired

    Posted by koolkatx92 on March 9, 2014 at 21:48

    I am going through this same thing right now. I have known of the guy for a while but I just got to know him and developed feelings with him while on a trip a few weeks ago. Within like two days of me developing feelings from him, I came back home only to find out that he had just asked my friend out. I was happy that she was honest about it, but it really hurt. Worst part is, he doesn’t know how much it hurts me to see them together. It’s only been a few weeks now, but they are happy together and now looking to get in a relationship, while I continue to be extremely jealous every time I see them together. (which is pretty often because we’re all music majors) And now we are about to go on another trip where I am supposed to room with her.

    • Project Inspired

      Posted by koolkatx92 on March 9, 2014 at 21:50

      Has anyone else had this happen before? If so, how long did it take you to get over the guy and what did you do to get over him? It seems complicated, esp since I would actually like to be friends with him eventually.

  5. Hjmoer

    Posted by Hjmoer on February 17, 2014 at 11:58

    Well, I really like this guy at my church, He’s just turned 15 and I’m just about to turn 14. I like him and he knows I like him because my friend told him and he likes me because the same friend told me he likes me. He’s not one of those immature boys who is afraid to flirt with or ask a girl out. I’m really mature for my age too and am one of those “not willing to compromise my morals for anything” type girls. We are both really close with each other and super compatible. He is totally adorable and respectful and loves my family and my family loves him. We aren’t dating, even though everyone wants us to and we both do. He asked my dad for permission to date me, but my dad said no for now and that I needed to wait a little while because right now its kind of crazy in school and he doesn’t want to put me under pressure. (This was in early December) Anyway, we are constantly flirting with each other at church and I can’t seem to take my mind off of him. It makes me sad because we can’t date now and I have to wait til like the fall of 2014 or longer to date. I”m afraid he’s gonna start liking someone else because he has to wait so long. What do you suggest I do to keep from thinking about how we CAN’T be together right now? Thanks, Hannah <3

  6. bethluvstheafters

    Posted by bethluvstheafters on February 17, 2014 at 11:28

    Oh gosh… it was about a month ago that me and one of my really good friends discovered we have a crush on the same guy. It’s REALLY awkward sometimes. She already has a boyfriend and says that I deserve him, but we think that he likes ANOTHER one of our good friends, which makes everything five times as awkward. But, we hardly speak of him now, and it’s not nearly as awkward as it was.

  7. SkyleeBluetiful

    Posted by SkyleeBluetiful on February 8, 2014 at 22:06

    Okay, so I was at church and we did a series on purity, and my lead youth pastor had all the guys get up and stand up and let the girls sit down. I looked around while we were listening and I saw this gorgeous Christian boy… But I have no idea what his name is or anything. I don’t know if I should be crushing on this guy if I don’t even know his values.. And I can’t even get the courage to go and talk to him..

  8. chicken_chick

    Posted by chicken_chick on February 8, 2014 at 15:01

    But, it would probably be a good idea to tell your friend, so she won’t feel like you’re secretly trying to steal the guy. Secrets don’t usually solve anything.

  9. chicken_chick

    Posted by chicken_chick on February 8, 2014 at 14:52

    I mean, what if the man is the one you’re supposed to marry? But you blow him off because your friend likes him.

    I had a similar situation, but the guy had a crush on me. And he was really nice and sweet so I started liking him, not like it was on purpose. We’re happily coming up on our two year anniversary. I know he’s the one. My friend, treats me very dirty. To the point of bullying me for it. As do all of her friends and every other girl I know that liked him. Their moms don’t like me either lol. 😐 Some friends they were. I wouldn’t trust those people father than I could throw them now. And I really thought they were my friends. 🙁 Sad. Finding the man God has for you is more important than a friend who would hate you just for getting a guy. Just in my opinion. /:

    • dearestbeloved

      Posted by dearestbeloved on February 12, 2014 at 19:02

      I agree with your response to the advice given above, but something is tugging at my heart to let you know that God doesn’t have a “one” out there for us. The bible does say He has plans for us, but no where in the bible will you find, “I have one man out there specifically for you.” Love is a choice, God gives us the option to love everyday, God gives us the option to love Him, and to love others. It’s a blessing to find someone you can love, but in all honesty, God is our “one”. Whoever God blesses us with the opportunity of being with, is our “second”. I didn’t know that when I was younger, just thought I would share. 🙂

  10. chicken_chick

    Posted by chicken_chick on February 8, 2014 at 14:47

    I don’t like the advice. If your friend is a REAL friend, they’re not going to dump you because you also have a crush on the same guy. It’s a crush on a guy you both haven’t ever even dated before, not like you have a crush on her husband, or her boyfriend of fiance or something. So you have the same taste.. she should understand. smh

  11. Clairabear

    Posted by Clairabear on February 8, 2014 at 09:04

    Okay, wow!!! I just realized YESTERDAY that I have a crush on my best friend’s crush, and i prayed about it. Goodness, God answers pretty darn quick sometimes!!

  12. thespiritualwarrior7

    Posted by thespiritualwarrior7 on February 7, 2014 at 20:18

    Okay, I have a question:
    There’s this guy I used to like, in fact, he was my first crush. But eventually it got to be very unhealthy and I had to end it, but now he won’t leave me alone. I feel like maybe he doesn’t know it’s over, for good. What do I do?

    • chicken_chick

      Posted by chicken_chick on February 8, 2014 at 14:58

      I’m no expert, but be careful. Try talking to him, but make sure you have a friend with you or others are around and you’re not too harsh. You could write him a letter trying to explain everything, that way he can’t interrupt you. 😛

  13. HollyHeart96

    Posted by HollyHeart96 on February 7, 2014 at 17:47

    I was in this position in December. Me and one of my friends liked the same guy. We decided that our friendship was way more important than him, especially after we found out some not great things about his character. We decided that neither of us would date him at the time, but if later on we thought that it fit into God’s plan for us to date him we would discuss it between us. Neither of would go out with him unless the other was okay with it!

  14. Project Inspired

    Posted by Soccerfan99 on February 6, 2014 at 12:51

    Wow great advice! I might be going through the same thing, but I pray that I’m not.