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    “OH NO! I Have a Crush on My Best Friend’s Crush!”

    “So, my best friend has a really big crush on this guy at our church, they’re friends but not really close, and he doesn’t know she has a crush on him. But the problem is, I’ve been talking to him a lot lately, and I’m starting to really like him! I don’t know what to do! I really don’t want it to ruin or hurt our friendship; I haven’t even told her (or anyone) that I like him.”

    Girl, that’s one tough spot to be in! It’s SO hard when you like the guy your best friend also likes. My first question to you would be, who is this guy that you’d risk–or possibly even end–a friendship over? And not just a regular friendship. Your best friendship. Is he worth it? And what would make him worth it?

    I’m not big on casual dating–I think that dating should be the first stage in finding your husband. Anything else leads to heartache, right? So in my opinion, if this guy’s not a candidate for a long-term commitment, why are you risking a friendship? Good friends are so hard to find and best friends can be in your life forever, but a casual relationship can come and go in a matter of weeks.

    If this guy turns out to be the one, then he will find his way to you in an honest way, whether it’s when your friend’s crush fizzles out or later on in life. If not, then it’s not worth upsetting your best friend, or worse, losing her. Trust me…when you look back on this, you’ll be glad you didn’t pick a boy over a friend!

    So what now? Well it’s not like you can just snap your fingers and make your feelings for this guy disappear overnight. Here’s what I suggest in the meantime:

    • Walk away whenever possible. Of course, you don’t want to be rude to him, but don’t go out of your way to talk to him, and definitely don’t flirt with him.
    • Try not to think about him because it’ll only make you feel bad. Instead, busy your mind by doing an activity, getting together with your friends or reading your Bible.
    • Pray that God changes your heart!

    It’s not going to be easy, but you will get through this…and you’ll be a better friend because of it!

    God bless you and good luck!

    Need some advice? Ask your relationship questions in the comments below and I might answer them in a future article!

    Ask Olivia
    Got a question about boys, your besties or God? I'm here to help! As the girl all my friends always came to for advice, I've turned my girl talk, level-headedness and love of Jesus into a job -- one I love because I was a teen not long ago, too! Click into Ask Olivia in our Girl Talk Forums to ask me a question!

    19 COMMENTS

    1. I was in this position in December. Me and one of my friends liked the same guy. We decided that our friendship was way more important than him, especially after we found out some not great things about his character. We decided that neither of us would date him at the time, but if later on we thought that it fit into God’s plan for us to date him we would discuss it between us. Neither of would go out with him unless the other was okay with it!

    2. Okay, I have a question:
      There’s this guy I used to like, in fact, he was my first crush. But eventually it got to be very unhealthy and I had to end it, but now he won’t leave me alone. I feel like maybe he doesn’t know it’s over, for good. What do I do?

      • I’m no expert, but be careful. Try talking to him, but make sure you have a friend with you or others are around and you’re not too harsh. You could write him a letter trying to explain everything, that way he can’t interrupt you. 😛

    3. I don’t like the advice. If your friend is a REAL friend, they’re not going to dump you because you also have a crush on the same guy. It’s a crush on a guy you both haven’t ever even dated before, not like you have a crush on her husband, or her boyfriend of fiance or something. So you have the same taste.. she should understand. smh

    4. I mean, what if the man is the one you’re supposed to marry? But you blow him off because your friend likes him.

      I had a similar situation, but the guy had a crush on me. And he was really nice and sweet so I started liking him, not like it was on purpose. We’re happily coming up on our two year anniversary. I know he’s the one. My friend, treats me very dirty. To the point of bullying me for it. As do all of her friends and every other girl I know that liked him. Their moms don’t like me either lol. 😐 Some friends they were. I wouldn’t trust those people father than I could throw them now. And I really thought they were my friends. 🙁 Sad. Finding the man God has for you is more important than a friend who would hate you just for getting a guy. Just in my opinion. /:

      • I agree with your response to the advice given above, but something is tugging at my heart to let you know that God doesn’t have a “one” out there for us. The bible does say He has plans for us, but no where in the bible will you find, “I have one man out there specifically for you.” Love is a choice, God gives us the option to love everyday, God gives us the option to love Him, and to love others. It’s a blessing to find someone you can love, but in all honesty, God is our “one”. Whoever God blesses us with the opportunity of being with, is our “second”. I didn’t know that when I was younger, just thought I would share. 🙂

    5. Okay, so I was at church and we did a series on purity, and my lead youth pastor had all the guys get up and stand up and let the girls sit down. I looked around while we were listening and I saw this gorgeous Christian boy… But I have no idea what his name is or anything. I don’t know if I should be crushing on this guy if I don’t even know his values.. And I can’t even get the courage to go and talk to him..

    6. Oh gosh… it was about a month ago that me and one of my really good friends discovered we have a crush on the same guy. It’s REALLY awkward sometimes. She already has a boyfriend and says that I deserve him, but we think that he likes ANOTHER one of our good friends, which makes everything five times as awkward. But, we hardly speak of him now, and it’s not nearly as awkward as it was.

    7. Well, I really like this guy at my church, He’s just turned 15 and I’m just about to turn 14. I like him and he knows I like him because my friend told him and he likes me because the same friend told me he likes me. He’s not one of those immature boys who is afraid to flirt with or ask a girl out. I’m really mature for my age too and am one of those “not willing to compromise my morals for anything” type girls. We are both really close with each other and super compatible. He is totally adorable and respectful and loves my family and my family loves him. We aren’t dating, even though everyone wants us to and we both do. He asked my dad for permission to date me, but my dad said no for now and that I needed to wait a little while because right now its kind of crazy in school and he doesn’t want to put me under pressure. (This was in early December) Anyway, we are constantly flirting with each other at church and I can’t seem to take my mind off of him. It makes me sad because we can’t date now and I have to wait til like the fall of 2014 or longer to date. I”m afraid he’s gonna start liking someone else because he has to wait so long. What do you suggest I do to keep from thinking about how we CAN’T be together right now? Thanks, Hannah <3

    8. I am going through this same thing right now. I have known of the guy for a while but I just got to know him and developed feelings with him while on a trip a few weeks ago. Within like two days of me developing feelings from him, I came back home only to find out that he had just asked my friend out. I was happy that she was honest about it, but it really hurt. Worst part is, he doesn’t know how much it hurts me to see them together. It’s only been a few weeks now, but they are happy together and now looking to get in a relationship, while I continue to be extremely jealous every time I see them together. (which is pretty often because we’re all music majors) And now we are about to go on another trip where I am supposed to room with her.

      • Has anyone else had this happen before? If so, how long did it take you to get over the guy and what did you do to get over him? It seems complicated, esp since I would actually like to be friends with him eventually.

    9. ok here’s the story I NEED help. it all started today 4-20-14 I was in childcare with my best friend Emma and we both know full well I have a super huge crush on this guy named Elijah and today he was sitting in front of me in the computer lab. and well he forgot to log off. Emma dragged me up to his computer brought up a sticky note and started typing. then after about a minute this is what it said

      I love you- Lindsey (one of my friends)
      but my friend GraceMarie( My Name) loves you way more. but she’s super scared to talk to you. But If you talk to her first, I promise she’ll respond. all you have to do is tell her that you either tell her you like her or think she’s pretty.

      and before knew it, it as time to log off she saved the note and we logged off for him.

      we were giggling all the down the stairs. but inside I had died. I really scared what if he actually does.

      TOTS SCARED,

      GraceMarie
      (AKA gmstgirl

    10. I like my best friends crush. I liked him before and then I got over it because the feelings weren’t mutal. now things have changed and my best friend, my crush, and another guy are best friends. the other guy (let’s say his name is zach) likes my best friend (let’s say her name is kate.) the thing is she doesn’t like him anymore and she’s moved into my crush/old crush (let’s say his name is cody.) I haven’t told her that I like him yet because im afraid she’ll be mad at me. me and cody talk all the time, and we have lots of classes together (more than him and kate.) he flirts and I flirt. I don’t want to hurt kates feelings but to be honest she’s had tons of boyfriends and I haven’t. I love my best friend to death; what should I do?

    11. I had a crush on this dude for a good amount of time and we’ve been texting. Me and him dont text often like we used to do, but then i started texting his best friend and my best friend’s crush. I started liking him but i like my other crush as well. The issue is that i lied to the new guy i like to impress him by taking credit for my other friend’s drawings, i feel really bad about it. My friend then found out and is mad at me. I’m afraid the new guy i like knows that i lied and he might never see me the same way again. What do i do?! Starting a conversation is hard!

    12. Good friends are hard to come by and good friends won’t end your friendship because you date a guy she likes. He’s a human being with a heart and feelings too, not a possession she can call dibs on. A friend of mine dated a guy I was crushing on and I was supportive. I thought “at least one of us got him!” Later on she hooked me up with my current boyfriend who’s even sweeter than my former crush. You can never do enough for selfish people (like those who would cancel a friendship because they didn’t go their way over a boy) they’ll want more and more from you. I say date him and find out who your real friends are. God put you on this earth to live your life, not be sidelined by others!

    13. Ok so in P.E me and one of my best friends are partners in badminton and my crush was practing with us we kept making fun of eachother in a fun way but my best friend also had a crush on him ALTHOUGH she is dating this other boys she eventually likes others and can’t even talk to her bf only my crush after the period she told him she liked him a 6 from a 10 and at lunch I told him if he likes her and said i dont know
      Should I tell him tomm that I liked him for a while???

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