Dating and Temptation

    From Nicole: Read this article by Project Inspired reader, Jessica, to see how you need to be aware when you are tempted!

    Many teens seem to get wrapped up in thinking about dating and relationships. Our hormones are changing as we’re growing and sometimes it’s hard to control our urges for things like sex and dating. But, how can we stop these urges and avoid doing things that we’ll regret when we get older?

    First of all, we all go through this period in our lives. All you can think about is getting guys to like you and finding the right guy to be with. Sometimes, all you can think about is one particular boy that you’ve had a crush on forever. Or sometimes all you can think about are these kinds of thoughts: What boy should I date? This boy is cute and sweet, but this boy is funny and smart – which one should I date? How do I even know which boy likes me for who I am and not for who I pretend to be? Which boy do I see in my future as a husband and possible father to my children?

    With so many questions and mixed emotions that we have for each guy, it’s hard to answer the question, What do I do? If you’ve already been in a relationship before, you know that breakups can be really unfair and unexpected. Have you ever felt mad at him for breaking up with you and have been left wanting to plan revenge on him?!

    This is not the way we should date or look for a boyfriend.

    My advice: Before you ever get into any relationship at all, you need to be right with God. You can’t possibly understand the full value of Love without knowing God personally. God is Love, so without God, how can you possibly understand the value of a relationship? How can you possibly have a lasting relationship without God? The truth is, you can’t truly love someone without having real Love in your life.

    The next thing you need to know is that once you’re right with God, when you understand what love really is, God will lead you to find your perfect match! He knows you better than you know yourself. He knows who will make you happiest. Don’t ever look for a boyfriend because God already has everything planned out for you.

    Don’t try to choose anything for yourself, because honestly, only God knows everything about everyone.

    He knows who your perfect match is. He won’t fail you if you give Him a chance to do things His Way. Everything – and I mean everything! – happens for a reason! He won’t let you down. In the Bible it says God will never leave us or forsake us. So why worry about a relationship with some boy when you just need to let God take care of you?

    Another important thing to remember is that a guy can win your heart over really easily. Any guy knows how to help ‘tape up your heart’ if your heart’s been broken. But, that guy ONLY knows how to ‘tape up’ your heart…tape is temporary! Only God knows how to fully mend and heal your heart with perfection! He doesn’t use tape. He’s able to mend and heal your heart permanently, unlike any guy you’ll ever meet.

    Now, I’m definitely NOT telling you to stop dating but rather I’m telling you that you should allow God to do the perfect matchmaking for you. Don’t ever trust your own instincts alone because chances are, they may not be right all of the time. The best way to avoid getting hurt again is to just stop searching and allow God to choose Mr. Right for you!

    And now onto other desires…sexual desires. Some desires are again because of our changing hormones. I would know, I’m a teenager, too. Everyone gets those sexual urges and fantasize about sex. Some young girls are even led to try sex before marriage, the desire being too great for them to handle. But, these desires are NOT too hard for God to handle! These are temptations from Satan. In fact, God NEVER tempts anyone.

    “Let no one say when he is tempted, ‘I am tempted by God’; for God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does He Himself tempt anyone. But each is tempted when he is drawn away by his own desires and enticed.’ – James 1:13-14

    When we are tempted by the flesh, we don’t care what the spirit feels, we just want what feels good to the flesh, like sex. When you are tempted by the flesh for sex or other selfish desires, remember this little verse:

    “Submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you.”   – James 4:7

    So, during your times of temptation, submit to God. Draw closer to Him and the devil will leave you. God wants you to lean on Him for everything. God wants to feel helpful and let us use Him. He created us so He can know that He is needed. He is the only God.

    You may find Mr. Right at 18 years old, or you may find Mr. Right at 80 years old. It all depends on how quickly you allow God to make decisions for you and rely on His perfect judgment. Besides, what is love, if you don’t fully have Love in your life?


    1. ‘I kissed dating goodbye’ by Joshua Harris address a lot of issues about dating in our society. I really recommend it! Not only has it helped my outlook on dating, but it’s helped me become closer to God as well!!!

    2. Btw, ‘I kissed dating goodbye’ does tell you things about courtship, but it also says that whether or not you should date is between you and God. In no way does Mr. Harris force his opinion on you, but instead presents you with facts, logic, and reason. xD

    3. This article really helped me out,I felt like I needed to put God first place in my life but I haven’t tried hard enough,the tempter is always lurking around,watching,and knows when to tempt you,God is Love,he should be first in my heart,I know Jesus always forgives no matter how big the sin is,it is he that I need and he I shall seek.

    4. It’s actually kind of extraordinary that this article was posted today. Last night, I was up until 5 AM wrestling with my conscience over dating. Am I ready, when will I be ready, should I be thinking about dating yet? I asked God to show me what to do, to guide me where my heart was confused. And it looks like he has. I now know to just wait, and God will show me whether or not I’m meant to date.
      Thank you for posting this!

    5. Another good verse for this is 1 Corinthians 10:13

      No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.

      I’ve been wanting a boyfriend for a long time. Sometimes,I get impatient with God,but he always helps me remember he will send me a boyfriend when he is finished preparing me for one and when he is ready for me to have one,so I have stopped searching. When he sends us someone,we’ll know.

    6. i know a lot of people dont agree, but i feel God never meant for dating to exist-especially not as teenagers. He has someone picked out for us, and we should save ourselves physically, mentally, and emotionally for the One person. i personally dont see the point in dating; dating was meant to find the person you are going to marry, and that doesnt happen at 16. even if you do find the guy youre going to marry at 16, he will still be there when you are seriously ready to consider marriage.
      but i love the song Average Girl by BarlowGirl, and Wait For Me by Rebecca St. James. both are great songs pertaining to this

    7. Amen! I think God wants me to remain celibate until 25, then He will tell me whether to remain celibate or find a suitable husband.
      Also, I still struggle with sexual thoughts. Any advice? Thanks and God bless you Jessica! And you too Nicole for bothering to read and monitor these comments instead of letting people just cuss and fight like on a lot of secular sites!

    8. i recently went through a breakup… i ended it with the guy before be could say it. He said he didn’t feel the same & it hurt me like crazy… i feel like my heart had been shredded to peices. i know that may sound kinda drastic, because im only 16, but it seemed like such a perfect relationship till the guy starting acting different & hurt me. But through all this heartache & heartbreak, i’ve gotten alot closer to God. i almost wish i had never dated the guy now, but i know (like you said) everything happens for a reason, and if having my heart broken was what it took to bring me back to making God my main focus, then break my heart even more because He is all that i’m living for. It so nice to know He loves me despite my flaws and He will never leave me.

    9. Nicole, I’d first like to say how much you’re making an inspiration to not only me, but hundreds of other girls!(: I can tell that you’re an amazing, beautiful child of God. And keep on doing whatever you are doing–no matter what negative thoughts come to you, or rude remarks because you are standing up for what you Believe in; Which is The Truth(:

      Also, thank you for reminding me where I am to stand at..because a few years ago, I began dating an atheist, hoping I could Bring him To God. And long story short, it ruined my Relationship With God. And ever since I broke up with him, God Revealed to me that with no dating, He Will Give me True Peace. But I learnt my lesson in dating. God Revealed to me that I should Love Him before any other…with all of my heart, and soul. And until then, I’m not going to date because I know It’s His Will for me; to not date until I’m let alone ready for marriage. But just thought to let you know that, and what an inspiration you are to me and many many others. God Bless (:

      • You’re so welcome Tida! I must say- i also dated an atheist for a year when I was a teenager, and I tried so hard to change his mind but he never would. He would mock my beliefs, about God, and it made me farther away from Him. God wants us to love HIM first, and then our significant other. (Husband!) You need to be with a Christian too!

    10. The book, “I Kissed the Girls and Made Them Cry” By Lisa Bevere is a really good reference and helped me grow a lot in my Faith Journey; it deals with past/present relationships and tempation and purity and was such an inspiration to me! I also wear a purity ring that my parents got for me when i turned thirteen, it’s such a reminder to me to keep my focus on God–when/if there is a man for me, He will show him to me! Thanks for writing this, so wonderful to see Godly girls speaking out! i liked what you said, “you may find Mr.Right at 80 years old or 18 years old.” So many people spend there time searching for the next boyfriend or hurting from a broken heart; we should be searching God’s will, not our own. God bless you!

    11. Rebecca St. James is one of my favorite artists, and she has been a truly inspirational role model for me. in one of her recent interviews, she explains dating beautifully:
      “No matter how you cut the cake, dating is difficult. It’s vulnerable. You can’t control it. You don’t know exactly what’s going to happen. It’s a trust experience with God. It’s a trust experience with the person that you’re dating and sometimes, honestly, the person you’re dating isn’t necessarily trustworthy. So it’s a process of guarding your heart but not overly guarding it because you want to be open to love. It’s a very challenging season. Being recently out of that season I can emphasize with a lot of people that are still in it.”

      (the whole interview is beautiful, really. if anyone is interested, you can find it here: )

    12. I am 16 and have never had a boyfriend, never been in the “we are ‘just friends’ area”, never been kissed. I have been asked out but not by anyone that I would want to date. I honestly can’t wait for God to lead me to him!!!! Ah! I want to be loved by a young man sooooo badly!!!! But I shall wait because “the flower fades and the grass withers but the word of the Lord stands forever”. I want to be wanted, but above that overwhelming desire, I long to please God. and THAT preceeds everything else.

    13. Truthfully there is no reason to date if you arent going to marry somone anyway so why date when your still in highschool??
      Think about it your just hurting yourself by devoting yourself to a boy, who is by no stretch of the imagination a man, to immature to put your life on pause for, just so he can dump you and cause drama in your life.
      Finish School.
      Prepare yourself for the real world.
      God has the right guy for you alredy, you dont have to date around hes already been chosen for you, when the time comes he will find you.

    14. amen Maci! thats how i feel. i know God has a great man picked out for me. sometimes, i admit, i feel cant wait any longer, i want to meet him now, and im always imagining how he will look, act, etc. but i know it will be worth the wait!

    15. Several girls i know don’t like to talk to their parents about dating and such, because “they are too old” and “they don’t get it”, but moms and dads really do know what they are talking about sometimes! okaaay, so sometimes they don’t get things, or it can be REALLY embarrassing to talk to them about this stuff, but they can really help too! Just don’t forget to involve your parents in your dating life, they have wisdom way beyond our years.

    16. I have a super hard time putting god before myself and others, But i think life would be much harder without him. I’ve been trying my hardest to find ways that i could get closer to him. Any advise?

      • I would start a prayer journal, and pray about things you need guidance about, what you wish to change, and your love for God. It’s a great way to get close to him, all the while remembering what you prayed about in the past to see if your prayers were answered! I know He would love that. Try it!

      • Jennifer- will you please do me a big favor and just write me a short paragraph explaining how Cosmo has affected you or your friends, so I can mail it to the chairman of the FTC? Now more than ever I need your girls help! Send it to, and include your address so you get the letter back from them! I would be SO GRATEFUL!!! 🙂 -Nicole

    17. I think a solid friendship with the one to be is much better or i should say wiser than dating. Dating leaves an open door for possible temptation and it can bring pressure to act “romantic” and focusing on you both desire and not what God desires of both of you. Dating in today’s world has the expectation of fulfilling carnal thinking than spiritual thinking.

    18. “sometimes you have to let go and let God” i have been living up to that quote ever since my boy troubles began…and also i was told to that once you start takn an interest in guys…pray to God about every guy you have interest in and God will do what he does and if you just lift up the guy to God in your prayers…you gonna let God do all the worrying(:

    19. Desperate prayer request for a friend of mine: She’s been dating a boy for about a year now and I just recently found out that she’s thinking about having sex with him. She’s a Christian, but she’s being mislead, and I am so worried about her. The more prayer I can wrap her in, the better. Her name is Rebekah. I would appreciate it if some people on her would add her to their prayer lists.

    20. I’m personally way to young and in no way looking for a boyfriend. But it’s not bad to like know someone for a while and think about like maybe in the future wondering if he would be the one God chooses right?

    21. I’m not dating I’m way to young haha and I always thought if my dad aproves because I believe he gaurds my heart that it would be ok to date him. (And trust me my daddy is very protective) And so I know thats a good judgement. But like I said I’m to young. Is it wrong to know a guy and really like him though and think about, “Hmm what if hes the one” and wonder if hes the one God chooses for you and you dream about it. I know it could be someone I don’t know but is it wrong to be curious or excited about that stuff?

      • it’s definitely not wrong! but just know, I guarantee he’s not “the one” yet, because God needs you to mature, grow up, and really develop yourself first! But don’t worry about dreaming about it.. I did too! (Just guard your heart though, please!)

    22. I’ve never had a boyfriend and I sometimes find myself “scoping out” boys that I meet to see if I could see myself dating them. This article is great and put me back in the right place 🙂

    23. Please help me. I was in a relationship with a girl who was deeply religious. I fully supported her in her faith. We were both very devoted to each other. I treated her just like a princess.

      She dumped me because she didn’t believe the relationship was bringing her closer to God. I was so hurt and crushed, especially since I didn’t understand how I was keeping her from God. We were each other’s first relationship, and I loved her deeply. I truly believed she was the one.

      I believe in God. But I don’t go to church. My mother had some bad experiences with her childhood church (doesn’t have a problem with church in general and she’s still a Christian),so growing up I didn’t attend. I’m still a good, moral person. I help others in need. I put my fellow people first and myself last. Why couldn’t I bring my girlfriend closer to God? Is love for life and humanity not enough for that?

      She has treated me like I’m some kind of monster during the post break up. So am I the monster, even though I’m a good person, because I don’t feel church necessary to be close to God? Was my church-attending girlfriend who I tried so hard for doing the right thing for dumping a miserable heathen like me? I loved her so much. I just wish I could have been good enough in her eyes. And in God’s, apparently.

      • Ben- thankyou for sharing this- first off I want to tell you you are very brave, and that is inspiring. What I don’t understand, is why she felt you weren’t being a strong Christian- did you two have sex, and then she regretted it? Many times girls rush into sex because they want to keep their boyfriends, and maybe now she is upset she did it and feels you pressured her to do that. Maybe she just needs alone time, to grow up, and just be by herself for a little while. It sounds like you are a spectacular guy, so just know it’s not you- she just needs some time alone. I don’t attend church regularly either, but that doesn’t make ME any less of a Christian. God loves you so much Ben just as you are, and just as much as he loves her! Give her time, and patience, and continue to be kind to her but give her some space. You sound like you would be the perfect boyfriend for any girl, but maybe this is God’s way of helping you too! Maybe he had this happen so you would lean on God more, and trust Him, instead of putting your focus on her. Just my two cents. 🙂 I’m praying for you!

    24. I Luv ds article,and am nt left out,sex have almst taken over our life in my courtship. Pls,wat do we do? Though,we r christains bt we realy need God’s divine interventn. Tanks. Your response wil be highly anticipated.

      • can you tell your boyfriend you want to grow close together emotionally and not physically? Please try and take a month break from having sex, and see if your boyfriend is still with you or he dumps you. If he dumps you, you will see his true colors and realize he’s a jerk and you’re better off without him! Try it, and let me know how it goes. I’m praying for you!

    25. Oh my gosh, God definitely meant for me to find this. I have a huge crush on my friend, but he has told me that he doesn’t feel like God wants us to be more than just really good friends. It hurt when he said this, but if I’m not right for him, that means he’s not right for me. This has helped me understand what he’s talking about.

    26. My Boyfriend and I found out that we both are Christians and freaked out!I realized that i should have asked him before, but finding out made me so excited. Whenever we hang out now, we always talk about Christian music and whatnot. It pretty awesome. Now I know that he’s obviously not my future husband, but dating in high school is harmless i think. I mean we both know that were not gonna go all the way.

      • Does your boyfriend know that you don’t believe you will get married someday? It might seem harmless if you don’t have any problems with dating him with no serious intentions, but if he is serious about it, then he will be hurt emotionally. Not only is is important to protect each other physically but to protect each other emotionally. I would suggest you guys just becoming friends. 🙂

    27. I was in a bible study group and we had this guest speaker who talked about this. They also talked about if you did have more than one relationship before you are married that you should have definite boundaries like you can hold hands but we cant hug or kiss-boundaries like these. What do you think good boundaries are?

    28. Alright… So I assume I’m way out of the demographic of this site, but I came across it while searching for like-minded people. Anyway, I’m a male, 32 years old, and, yes, a virgin (waiting for marriage). I also assume the target of this is for young ladies… (This is just me opining / ranting)

      First things first… Just note that this is something that YOU have to decide, NOT GOD. God can present an infinite number of situations, but it is you who makes the final decision (free-will). This applies to everything in life (dating, schooling, working, etc.).

      So, young ladies this is directed mainly at you. First thing… I keep reading this word “guy” in these posts. Let’s be honest here ladies, are you looking for a “guy” or a “man” (or gentleman)? That could mean quite a few things. One, “guy” (to me) means teenage boy. How many of you are looking to marry a teenage boy? I assume NONE. “Man”, on the other hand, brings some words to mind, words like: mature, strong, caring, honorable, responsible, respectable, etc. Needless to say, a “guy” SHOULD eventually evolve into a “man” (although in more recent times this is occurring far less frequently). This process takes time (beyond teenage years). So, yes, if you’re looking to date, you should probably date “guys” to find out what it is you DON’T want. Also note, marriage should be reserved ONLY for “men” (GENUINE “MEN”, not old “guys”).

      (Some females may take offense to the following, but…) So, with the above content mentioned, I must say that at my age it is getting tough to find “the one”. The same context above is true with females. It is incredibly hard to find a virgin lady (Unmarried lady [to me] means VIRGIN). Words that come to mind with lady: strong, courteous, caring, understanding, self-respecting, etc. If you’re looking for a “man” with the qualities that you’re looking for, you MUST also possess some of those same qualities. It’s NOT a “one way street”. Men with those qualities simply won’t go for anything less (which is why they are who / how they are). So, whatever your standards are that you’re holding him to, you better be holding yourself to those same standards.

      The logical reasons for not “doing it” are easy (STDs, unfit parents, etc.). Also, one could surmise that anybody who is self-respecting wouldn’t be having sex before marriage anyway, as it would seem a bit irresponsible.

      As far as temptation is concerned, trust me, it doesn’t matter if you’re dating or not, there will ALWAYS be temptation. The path of the virgin is NOT EASY. That is why there are so few of us. Just be sure it is the path that you want to take. People will say things and do things to you that may seem offensive, but really, it’s just them trying to defend themselves and justify their actions. After a while, it actually gets funny.

    29. i am almost dating at the moment, and me and the guy have sort of been ‘friends-that-like-each-other’. But he’s never made me uncomfortable. he respects me and won’t sit too close, and we haven’t held hands or anything. i enjoy it a lot when it is like that.

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