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Christian Life

Premarital Sex: What Happens if I Give in to Temptation?

Despite what you may think from reading my articles on here on Project Inspired, I’m no stranger to the premarital sex temptation. Seriously girls, before I repented and returned to God, I was pretty much having sex with any guy who paid attention to me and made me feel even a tiny bit special.

It’s hard to describe what it did to my heart. It’s only by God’s grace that my heart is healed and that I didn’t get pregnant or contract a sexually transmitted disease.

Girls, I know people who say having sex before you’re married is no big deal. I can assure you those people are either still pretty young or unwilling to face the fact that their own behaviors have been the cause of some of their emotional difficulties in life.

I’m not here to judge anyone who’s given in to the temptation to have sex before marriage; remember I’m one of you. I just want to share my heart and what I believe is God’s heart on the subject having experienced it myself.

 

For this is the will of God, your sanctification; that is, that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each of you know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in lustful passion like the Gentiles who do not know God. (1 Thessalonians 4:3-5)

God’s Word talks about fleeing from sexual immorality, and although the world doesn’t consider having multiple sexual partners to be immoral today, in biblical times such activity was considered sexual immorality.

If you read the Song of Solomon you’ll find a lot about sex and sexual types of interaction, and the reason is God considers sex to be the highest form of physical intimacy.

 

For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh. (Genesis 2:24, Mark 10:8, Ephesians 5:31)

I know people who begin relationships in high school or even middle school, end up getting married and stay together forever, but that’s the exception, not the rule, for a relationship.

Imagine having premarital sex with a partner, engaging in what God deems to be the highest form of physical intimacy between two people, and that relationship ending. Emotionally, this causes a tear in our heart and we question our value. Eventually this causes bitterness to develop in our personality and heart.

God doesn’t want us to question how valuable and precious we, His daughters, are.

When Dave and I married, he was a virgin. He had saved himself for his future wife, for me. I, however, hadn’t done the same for him. While I received someone shiny and new, Dave was receiving used goods, and though he’s never made me feel anything but special and loved, I’ve always felt that he got the unfair end of that deal and I know he struggled with insecurity when we were newly intimate after we got married.

God is also practical. He knew a multitude of diseases would eventually appear and taint what He originally created for our pleasure, which is another reason His Word encourages us to flee from sexual immorality in all forms, including premarital sex.

Girls, we’re God’s precious and beloved daughters, prized far above rubies. That’s the most important thing to know.

If you’ve given into the temptation of premarital sex, know that you’re not alone. Know that God isn’t angry with you and He isn’t going to send you away from His presence. He loves and adores you.

I know this part will be hard to hear, but you’ll need to confess your sin to the Lord, repent and ask His forgiveness because His word considers sex outside of marriage as sin under the heading of sexual immorality.

God is good and faithful. He loves us above all things and He’s quick to forgive when we ask. God isn’t waiting to punish you, daughter, He’s waiting to hold you tight and restore your heart. Let Him.

 

For Your steadfast love is before my eyes, and I walk in Your faithfulness. (Psalm 26:3)

 

Girls, have you felt the pressure to have premarital sex? How can I pray for you?

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Image: Lightstock | Prixel Creative

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60 Comments

  1. Project Inspired

    Posted by kkobra_17 on May 11, 2016 at 21:16

    I needed to read this more than anything. I am 18 and I have been struggling with extreme self hatred ever since I gave my virginity to my boyfriend of two years. Depression has had ahold of me for quite awhile now and losing my virginity just added fuel to the fire. I beg God to give me the strength to abstain from premarital sex but some how I always seem to mess it up. I’m ashamed of myself and I always end up asking for forgiveness but it’s impossible for me to forgive myself. There isn’t a doubt in my mind that God led me to this post and I cannot thank you enough for writing it. Please, anyone reading this, pray for me. Pray that God gives me the strength to say no and that I am able to forgive myself.

  2. AdventureGirl

    Posted by AdventureGirl on April 13, 2016 at 23:55

    I appreciate the thoughtful post, and you clearly have a beautiful heart, but referring to someone who’s had premarital sex as “used goods” is really degrading.

  3. Project Inspired

    Posted by braenas on April 13, 2016 at 03:39

    im 22 and have had premarital sex before. recent events have led me to consider turning my life over to god again. I want to get baptized, I want to get saved. i just know i can be happier this way. there are so many people that I surround myself with who pick and choose what they want to believe from the bible I’m confused. I have a boyfriend that i love. he also has has premarital sex but says he wouldn’t be happy if I stopped having sex to wait to get married.we’re not dating that long to get married. how do I face my faith and live right for the lord? how do I NOT upset my boyfriend?

  4. koalions

    Posted by koalions on January 26, 2016 at 21:01

    I have a question. My fiance will be getting married sometime this year. We have engaged in premarital sex and have had previous partners as well. I have 2 girls from a previous relationship. We live together and are financially blended. We want to get married in our church. Our pastor has informed us that we will need to abstain and attend premartial counseling. We would also be required to separate as far as not sleeping in the same bed with each other. We find comfort in sleeping with each other, not just sexual but just to be together and cuddle. I’m pretty sure we can handle abstaining but not even being in bed together would be very difficult. We have the option of having a civil ceremony and having a celebration at our church instead. If we go with that option, how will we know that God will still bless us and our unity if we didn’t do exactly what he has instructed in the Bible? We don’t know what to do.

  5. Jester

    Posted by Jester on December 28, 2015 at 15:58

    My boyfriend ans I touch each other… we don’t know how it happened but suddenly we just want to love on each other more and more. We’ve never had sex but… what is the full extent of sexuality immorality… I feel happy to love on each other it a light way but at the same time I have no idea if it’s truly wrong… I don’t know what to do, we do truly love each other and try and make sure we’re doing out of love and not full blown lust. I don’t know how to describe it but… is it wrong to love on each other like this..

  6. Project Inspired

    Posted by Selena_T1149 on March 31, 2015 at 19:25

    I really needed to read this! Thank You!! I recently gave into temptation and I regret it….This guy was my first boyfriend and I felt like it would make him love me more if I gave him what he wanted but it didn’t change anything. I Used to be very close to God but before I realized I drifted way apart from him .Before I dated him I had made a commitment to stay pure until marriage and I felt very strong about that . I did keep that commitment until I was 18 and then I gave into temptation…. Needless to say we are not together anymore because he didn’t treat me like a girlfriend he just treated me as a friend with benefits 🙁 I really love him but i think its better if I just let him go! I feel like we may have been meant to be but that we just did it wrong and I’m still hoping that he will change and that in the end its me and him 🙂

    • ncapayis@yahoo.com

      Posted by ncapayis@yahoo.com on September 24, 2016 at 08:35

      Hey Selena. Thank u so much for sharing this. Ur situation is exactly like mine…..i reunited with my ex boyfriend after 10 years apart. we were both so excited about d reunion. Went to his place and stuff happened. I am a born again christian and have been single for a while….i really felt like crap after the deed. even worse, he started withdrawing soon after that. I decided to let him go. It pains me soo bad coz I love him so much and really hoped he wud b d man I spend my life with. All this happened 1 week ago…..

    • Project Inspired

      Posted by Daughteroftjeking on December 27, 2015 at 20:29

      Giving into temptation isn’t one sided, it takes two. I would highly recommend talking to a trusted adult in your life and pray about the relationship. It doesn’t sound like it was a healthy relationship if he knew you had made that promise but let you fall in to temptation. You deserve a man who will honor you and your wishes no matter what! I highly recommend the book loveology by John Mark Comer! It really helped me to understand what love is and how we should look at it. I’m praying for you!

  7. Project Inspired

    Posted by LittleLeia on January 11, 2015 at 03:26

    Thank you for this article. My now-ex boyfriend, whom I broke up with very recently, often pressured me into doing things I didn’t want to do (except for sex), and I’m glad I didn’t let him push me that far. He called me rude and selfish and belittled my love of God and my job of working with God’s children at my church’s preschool. Please pray for my strength and healing as I continue to recover from the emotional abuse that my ex boyfriend forced upon me.

  8. Project Inspired

    Posted by radmom7 on January 6, 2015 at 22:03

    I would also like to add that I wish my husband and I had waited I also wish that the reaction to our failure by our mentors would have been better just because you fall doesn’t mean your life and future marriage is ruined forever like any other fall you pick yourself back up repent and learn and grow 6 years in to an amazing marriage and I’m happy to have proven just because you fall doesn’t mean it’s over thankfully God is so much bigger than our failures!

  9. Project Inspired

    Posted by ryerye1122 on January 6, 2015 at 18:47

    I am pretty sure I have read this before but it showed up on my newsfeed again today and I was really glad. Just this morning I gave into temptations and messed around with a guy. I just felt numb. I wrestled with stuff for so long today. I have really fallen away and I keep saying no to God. I told God last night I knew what I was going to do was wrong. That made it so hard to ask for forgiveness and believe He forgave me. And that I have said so many times I was done and went back to the same stuff. I can’t believe what I allowed to happen today. Reading this and knowing I am not alone was really great. I love how loving and full of grace and mercy our God is. I would really appreciate prayers that I would avoid temptations and start listening AND following God again. Thank you

    • I

      Posted by I on January 8, 2015 at 21:59

      Omgosh! You just described me. The hardest thing for me was to forgive myself because I knew God forgave but felt like I didn’t deserve it which I don’t but God in his mercy does time after time. I’ve asked God to forgive me and help guide me and have taken steps to prevent me from sinning again and or going down the wrong path like removing this guy from my life. It wasn’t easy cuz I cared for him a lot and it hurts but I know God has someone better for me. And we have to reconnect to God because we pushed him away and no longer had that relationship with him because of our sin and doing what we wanted. As we continue to listen and do what he says we will grow closer to him and feel his love for us. Don’t beat yourself up and pray pray pray <3

    • Project Inspired

      Posted by Bella_Colomba on January 8, 2015 at 01:05

      I made an account here to reply to your comment. To send you comfort.
      I was just like you. Right before I sinned I knew what I was about to do was wrong but I did it anyway. I wondered too how could God forgive me knowing that in that moment I gave into the flesh. But who are we to tell God who or how to forgive. His Mercy and Grace is so big and that’s what makes Him so beautiful. He also looks at the heart and your true intentions of turning away from your sin. Prayer is so important. Ask Him to help you turn away after asking for forgiveness. Turning away is the most important thing. There were times I would go a long time stayin clean and then sin again. I asked forgiveness and wondered when I would be set free. That’s another thing asking God to set us free and restore us once again. God has really been restoring me as I feel more set free from these chains; it’s a process. Now before I think of something wrong, I always remember I love God more than the sin I want to commit because I know it will cause separation from Him. So anytime you feel like falling remember how you love God more than doing something that will separate you from Him. I will pray for you as we overcome this struggle and draw closer to the lord. We have already won this battle, simply have faith sister. God Bless you ^_^ <3
      P.S. I'm happy to know someone who understands my struggle too.

  10. ByJuliette

    Posted by ByJuliette on November 6, 2014 at 22:16

    Hey! So my boyfriend and I know that we want to get married later in life, hopefully and if it is God’s will, but we both are trying to cope with the idea that it is probably best to get married 6 years from now. What can we do to help us cope with waiting?

    • cmarrett

      Posted by cmarrett on January 8, 2015 at 13:47

      I am definitely not a stranger to sexual temptation… I am also dating someone whom I hope to marry someday, but our biggest difficulty is to stay pure. I would also agree to watch the time you spend alone together. I once heard, “Nothing good ever happens after midnight”, and have experienced the truth of that saying just recently. Also, a major thing you two can do as a couple is talk about the physical boundaries you want to set so you know what not to do when you are tempted. Keep in mind, no matter how hard the wait is, God will bless your marriage because of your pure relationship. Treat your boyfriend well, meaning, don’t tempt him with your body, rather encourage him to become a spiritual leader and pray together that God would keep you both strong. If you do cross your boundaries, do not let Satan trap you in guilt and shame. Come together as a couple, and humbly pray and repent to God. It is also a good idea to find someone close to you that can keep you accountable when it comes to your boundaries. I know waiting is difficult, but the end reward is always worth the race.

    • Project Inspired

      Posted by radmom7 on January 6, 2015 at 22:12

      I would recommend being careful about the amount of time you spend alone and about where u let ur thoughts go if u spend time thinking about it u will eventually do it whatsoever things are lovely and pure think on thease things! it is also important to have a acountabilaty partner who u can be completely honest and who will be brutally honest with u I would also consider why ur waiting that long (I’m guessing ur over 18) because it is hard and in our culture it’s even harder and if ur certain that God has put u together then seek him for his time to marry

  11. bryana.harris4

    Posted by bryana.harris4 on November 2, 2014 at 14:36

    Jenn,
    Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. This is something I have been really struggling with lately and I wondered how God would feel about my past premarital sex. I really needed this article. Reading your story has brought me some peace. I have recently repented and voiced my sins to God. I finally feel at ease and realize that He will still love me I just need to be faithful.
    Thank you! God bless

  12. Project Inspired

    Posted by kortni_pritchard on October 30, 2014 at 13:33

    I’m going to be completely honest. I am now happily married to a Faithful man whose family constantly shows me the right way (his father was a pastor) and it always amazes me. I was raised by a family in which God was like air; He’s there, we just don’t speak of Him. However, my husband and I both had premarital sex with several partners before we met, and we and always express that we wish we would have waited. We both wish we could go back and change all that and be pure for one another. The premarital sex was just not worth it for either one of us. Plain and simple; it’s not worth the guilt! It makes everything so much more special if you wait for the one!

  13. Project Inspired

    Posted by dmuro on October 29, 2014 at 05:45

    Love the thought behind this article, and I enjoyed reading… until I got to the “used goods” part. I’m sorry you feel that way, and I assure you, I know how you feel. But putting that in your article sends the message to girls that if they have had premarital sex, they too are “used goods,” even though you later say that God still loves them. Unfortunately I don’t think you’re alone in that mindset though. Many churches today seem not to know how to talk about sex, and as a consequence it comes off as this forbidden and bad thing, when really it is a special gift from God intended forafter marriage. But since the church generally approaches sex as such a taboo topic, this kind of “used goods” mindset results. Sadly, this mindset means that the church really objectifies women as much as the world does, only in a different way.

  14. Project Inspired

    Posted by maddielopper on October 28, 2014 at 22:02

    Having sex before marriage is so common now. The media is the problem I think. When I was younger I used to think about losing my virginity because of what I saw on tv. I thought it was cool. But I never had a bf. Now I see the experiences my friends went through. and I think I can wait until I get married. Unfortunately kids these days are having sex more younger and younger, why? because the media portrayal on sex is positive and not wrong. which is pretty sad.Again the media plays a big role into convincing teens to have sex.

  15. kath660

    Posted by kath660 on October 28, 2014 at 21:31

    I am going through a really tough breakup. I didn’t even have sex with this person or anyone for that matter. If a break up is this hard with someone I DIDN’T have sex with, I shudder to think of how it would have been if I did. God bless you all.

  16. Project Inspired

    Posted by bookworm24 on October 28, 2014 at 21:06

    I had sex with my now husband before we were married. It may not have been the most holy thing, but he was in a life threatening accident and i knew then and there that i would marry him. Seeing the pool of blood really made me think. He had already proposed and I didn’t want to wait till I finished HS to give him all of me.
    What I am trying to say is you can sin for. The Right reasons and things turn out fine

    • cmarrett

      Posted by cmarrett on January 8, 2015 at 13:50

      I would be careful with your theology on sin maggie dean. Sin is defined as an action that is against God’s will, therefore, there is not justification for sin. There is never an okay time to have premarital sex. On the flip side, God still forgives and blesses couples who make mistakes, but He is never pleased when His children willingly defile His commands.

  17. Justilean

    Posted by Justilean on October 27, 2014 at 11:18

    I respectfully disagree:

    1. There are countries where it’s okay to marry off 9 year old girls. Just because they’re married doesn’t make it okay; if such a country’s definition of marriage is wrong, who are we to assume America’s definition is holy?

    2. Why would God care whether or not you have a piece of paper saying you can file taxes together and be eligible for some benefits? Without religious or relational implications, marriage isn’t anything more than a legal status. Doesn’t God care more about the relationship between the two than the legal status?

    • cherrytop

      Posted by cherrytop on November 12, 2014 at 20:44

      I think you’re missing the point; God wants us to wait until marriage (two people who love eachother both choose to be bonded together)
      as for children that get married of at 9, they don’t have a say. so it isn’t really marriage.(they are being sold)
      and by the way, in countries where people get married at 9, they don’t have “a piece of paper saying you can file taxes together and be eligible for some benefits” lol. so you’re right, God probably doesn’t care about that, but in America that’s what being married is, and you’ll have to do that in order to be married. The important thing is that you are MARRIED.

    • Lkwebbs

      Posted by Lkwebbs on October 28, 2014 at 14:51

      America’s definition of marriage is not holy, but the Bible’s is. I doubt God cares about having a marriage certificate.
      ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two but one flesh.’ Matthew 19:5&6
      This is a true definition of marriage.
      I don’t think a paster is absolutely required to get married ( but would be good) but you need to have at least two witnesses who are at the marriage who will hold you accountable to the commitment. People in the Bible seemed to know each other less before marriage then we do today. This emphasizes a commitment more then a relationship.

  18. KaelaT18

    Posted by KaelaT18 on October 24, 2014 at 19:22

    My question is this, what if you and your guy are VERY serious, so serious that you BOTH are DEFINITELY going to marry each other, there is NO one else for either of you…what if you decide to have sex before marriage? Is that still bad? I personally think it might be good. I don’t know. Just sending a question out into the world…or just the Internet.

    • Wabby2015

      Posted by Wabby2015 on September 25, 2015 at 15:33

      I understand where you’re coming from. When I was 15, I was MADLY in love with my boyfriend. I was sure that I was going to spend the rest of my life with him, so we figured, why wait? I had sex with him. After we started having sex, things turned sour and the relationship ended on really horrible terms. I will now carry the emotional trauma of that relationship into the sexual relationship that I have with my husband someday. I’m now 18, and I still am having a hard time forgiving myself, although I have asked for God’s forgiveness. And I know I’m going to feel even more guilty if my future husband has saved himself for me, and I haven’t saved myself for him. I hope you’ll keep my story in mind when deciding whether or not to wait!

    • Project Inspired

      Posted by TestimonyofGrace18 on October 29, 2014 at 08:04

      There is definitely something so special about having sex for the first time with a person who has already committed himself before God to you for the rest of your life. It’s a completely safe, pure, and clean environment. No worries about your performance, no fear that he might leave you, no guilt. If you do it before, you may have to deal with guilt for not following the Lord’s commands and the wedding night just isn’t as special.

    • Project Inspired

      Posted by maddielopper on October 28, 2014 at 21:55

      I am going to be honest. No, it is not a good thing to have sex with your partner even though you both are seriously in love. Why? because you have to be very very careful with lustful feelings. Just because you may think you both are in love, which you might be, having sex before marriage does ruin a relationship for the most part. I have witnessed it plenty of times. Sex is a give from God which should be between two married people who are committed to staying living in one flesh. Just as our virginity is a gift from God. You want to be very careful with what you let control your feelings. Heart and mind, and flesh to me is three total different feelings.

    • Project Inspired

      Posted by JesusFreak3278 on October 25, 2014 at 12:53

      Well, the world isn’t black and white (sadly!). Some things are clearly good. Some things are clearly bad. But most things fall in the middle. Personally, I think even if a couple is very serious and/or engaged they should not have sex before marriage. A lot of people would probably ask, “Well why not, its the same person either way!” And that may be true… But in my opinion God is very clear on sex. It is an intimate act for a husband and wife ONLY. Not for your boyfriend or fiancée even. Just think of how much more special your wedding night will be when you’ve saved yourselves for each other 🙂

  19. Project Inspired

    Posted by nickykat1 on October 23, 2014 at 21:27

    I’ve been in a relationship with a guy from work that i thought was perfect at first, but the more I got to know him, the more i didn’t like what i saw. I temporarily sacrificed my relationship with God for something that felt good at the time. This guy is engaged, but he didn’t see anything wrong in wanting to be with me at the same time. But I chose not to stop it, knowing full well that he was taken and that the whole thing was wrong. It was my first real relationship and i was just happy someone was interested in me. There were a lot of things that he wanted to do with me, and i wanted to do them too. I felt like he was someone ideal for me to marry if and when things panned out. But at the same time i always felt inside that no matter what i did for him and with him, he would never fully choose me. I wanted to sleep with him so bad, but i kept coming back to the fact that i didn’t want to do it with someone who didn’t seriously love or care about me and also didn’t take sex seriously, since he is already not a virgin. In the end he dumped me 3 weeks ago. I have tried to stay his friend since i miss him terribly and because we have to help each other a lot at work. He told me i would never lose him as my best friend. But each day it feels like he treats me worse and i feel like now im just trash to him. I dont know how to get over this whole situation. People at work won’t let me forget it. And I’m seeing him, talking to him, and working right next to him every single day. Any advice?

    • bbgirl2000

      Posted by bbgirl2000 on October 24, 2014 at 16:48

      This guy is not your friend. A man who cheats with you and then breaks up with you claiming to still be your “best friend” is straight up fake, if not very ungodly. Just as you have to be careful with your mutual relationships, you must be careful with your choice in friends. It is a good thing that you too arent together anymore and this means that God can put an even better man in your life, but you have to let this one go. I know it is very very much easier said than done, but you should guard your heart from cheaters.

      • Project Inspired

        Posted by nickykat1 on October 27, 2014 at 19:03

        Wow thank you so much i really needed to hear that 😀

      • bbgirl2000

        Posted by bbgirl2000 on October 24, 2014 at 16:53

        However, dont be cold to him either. Since you work together, you should be respectful and cordial, but demand respect from him as well. Dont let any guy treat you like crap just because they feel like it. Draw your lines, and hold him accountable to them

  20. myanchorholdswithintheveil

    Posted by myanchorholdswithintheveil on October 22, 2014 at 06:42

    Honestly, this is something that I feel I constantly need to hear. I keep putting myself in a position to be physically intimate with my best guy friend who is also the man that I love, and he CONSTANTLY says no. I have been physically intimate in the highest regard with him and two other guys and I hate that I am not pure for my future husband. I want to be that person for someone one day, and I am forever faithful that God continues to reveal himself to my best friend and to me. Thank you for writing this. Please be praying for God’s provision and truth to appear clear to me.

  21. AngelnFire

    Posted by AngelnFire on October 21, 2014 at 23:54

    Thank you so much I really needed to hear this! 🙂

  22. Project Inspired

    Posted by itsemmygirl on October 21, 2014 at 18:58

    I really liked what you had to say in your article! I had been physically involved with a guy not too long ago but have recently started dating this really nice guy at my church and I know it’s the right decision. He doesn’t know about my past and all the things I did that I now know won’t do again until marriage. My question is, do I tell him about my past? And how or when?

    • cinderkitteh

      Posted by cinderkitteh on October 23, 2014 at 13:25

      You owe it to him to tell him that you’ve had sex (if that’s what you’re talking about, if it’s just other physical things, depending on the thing I would tell him if it’s pretty intimate) because if you want a serious relationship with him he should know that info, especially if you were to get married. If he’s a really great guy, he’ll see that you’ve repented and changed your ways and it shouldn’t matter to him.

      • Project Inspired

        Posted by itsemmygirl on October 23, 2014 at 18:34

        Thanks for your opinion! I haven’t had sex but yes I had some intimate experiences. Praying that when the moment is right and I tell him he will realize that I have repented and love me despite what I have done.

    • Project Inspired

      Posted by JesusFreak3278 on October 23, 2014 at 03:16

      Hey Emma! I understand that this is a tricky situation. My advice would be to first ask yourself about the relationship. How long have you been together? Do you trust him? Can you see yourself marrying this guy? My point is, I wouldn’t necessarily tell him if I hadnt been dating him for very long I wouldn’t want to trust him with such an important secret. Not that it should change his opinion about you, but you want to be able to trust that he won’t judge you or tell other people. If you don’t think your relationship will go any further, maybe you don’t need to tell him.. I don’t know. That’s up to you. But if the relationship gets more serious and you start considering marriage someday, then I think it might be a good idea to tell him. Honestly I just think you should evaluate the relationship and pray about it and see where it goes from there 🙂

      • Project Inspired

        Posted by itsemmygirl on October 23, 2014 at 18:37

        Hey thanks Jessica 🙂 So nice to hear another Christian’s point of view about this topic! I think you’re right, I’ll just pray about it and wait. I don’t want it to be a secret; if he asks me then I will tell him but otherwise I think I will wait until the moment presents itself or whatever God has in store for us.

  23. Project Inspired

    Posted by thewildgabster on October 21, 2014 at 17:55

    I am in a relationship and soon to be engaged with a godly man. We both met at church and we have both fallen into temptation. He fell into sexual temptation and I remember years ago when we were friends he told me about how he thought he was going to lose his “v-card” and i warned him and told him not to. Fast forward present day, when we were first dating it was really tough because he gets ALL of me and I have to live with the fact that there is a girl(s) out there that have parts of him that I will never get. I know see how ashamed he is of this and how he sees how unfair it is, I learned to forgive him because if the most high, most perfect God can forgive him than why can’t I. I am still glad to be able to give myself to him on our wedding night.

    • samm28

      Posted by samm28 on October 22, 2014 at 11:50

      I’m going through the same thing now and it help knowing I’m not the only one who feels that way. I feel so insecure like he is going to compare me to others even though I know he won’t. He cheated on me the first week we were dating about 2 years ago but we have moved past that. But I still feel so insecure. I just wanted to ask how you overcame your insecurities(if you were) and how you did.

  24. pinkkitty523

    Posted by pinkkitty523 on October 21, 2014 at 17:32

    I agree with everything you have said in this article, Jenn! This is defiantly one of the best articles I’ve read on here.

  25. Project Inspired

    Posted by TosinI on October 21, 2014 at 17:07

    Thank you so much for posting this.

  26. GoatyGirl

    Posted by GoatyGirl on October 21, 2014 at 16:34

    Okay, so I know this is going to controversial, but I just want to throw my opinion out there too.
    I am a Christian. But for me personally… I don’t really see premarital sex as a problem. It certainly can be – I know for me at one point, I went through a very similar phase as Jenn, sleeping with people because I wanted the validation. Thankfully, I was safe and didn’t get pregnant, or contract any STD’s, although it was pretty much one guy, and I did trust him.
    Of the five guys I have slept, I can’t really say I regret any of it. I lost my virginity because I trusted the guy I was with and honestly thought we would stay together. Looking back now, I see that because of the place where he was in his life, that couldn’t happen. After that was my stint of self worth problems and using sex to cope. I knew it was only detrimental, but I didn’t know how else to handle how I felt after being left by a guy that I thought loved me. (That was only my second break up of three… I don’t handle them well statistically) For a long time, I felt really guilty about my choices. I thought I was worthless and that I had nothing left to offer to anyone new.
    The next guy I slept with… Let’s just say he has a lot of problems, but I love him to death. He is maybe even more of an emotional mess than I can be. And I would be with him if I could. So I don’t regret a thing. He showed me that I could still be beautiful and loved, and I know I have his heart to this day. One of the things that stoped me when he got to an emotionally stable place, is his future deployment to the Marine Corps.
    Out of all five, the fourth is the only questionable one to me. I didn’t really know him super well, and we were both using each other. Oops.
    But number five is my current boyfriend and he is everything I could ask for. I honestly believe that the fact we have sex strengthens our relationship. We never argue, and I never feel like I’m unwanted (he he, like I said, not always emotionally stable.) He is everything everything everything that I need. I knew without him ever having to say the words that he loves me and would do anything for me.
    I don’t regret my previous decisions because they all brought me to where I am, and I am exactly where I should be. Every sexual relationship I have had has taught me something valuable, and I wouldn’t trade that knowledge for anything. I’m GLAD I didn’t wait until I was married to find out some things too late. I feel that I have a close relationship with God, and that not only does He know and understand my decisions, but supports me through it all, like a best friend would do. Would He have maybe wanted me to choose differently? Sure. I don’t think He enjoys watching his children hurt. But does He think I made horrible, sinful choices? No. I’m happy, I have managed to get my insecurities and depression under control, and I couldn’t do that without Him. He put me in a place where I was happy, and me having sex is not something He sees as sinful whatsoever.

    • Project Inspired

      Posted by Lynnie20001 on December 27, 2015 at 23:54

      Ohh girl. I have to say I cringed when I read your comment… a lot. However, let me start by saying that I am not and will not judge you. I will defend myself and my beliefs but I will not tear you down.

      Here are a lot of reasons why I can defend my claim.

      It presents huge spiritual risk—grieving the Holy Spirit and offending a holy God means we forfeit God’s best. We never win by dishonoring God. Basically, what you said in a previous comment is “The bible is ‘living,’ so I can interpret it however I feel it best fits MY needs, forget how God intended it.”

      It puts the flesh and hormones in control of your life—you are more than a chemical reaction that seeks gratification. Don’t allow your life to be directed by physical desires. Submit those desires to the Holy Spirit, and let them be fulfilled in God’s time and in God’s way.

      Think about it. God set those rules down for a reason, and he clearly states that (Deut. 22:20-21) “But if this thing be true, [and the tokens of] virginity be not found for the damsel:
      Then they shall bring out the damsel to the door of her father’s house, and the men of her city shall stone her with stones that she die: because she hath wrought folly in Israel, to play the whore in her father’s house: so shalt thou put evil away from among you.”

      Premarital sex is a sin, and you are in a place where you are a Christian, you know it’s a sin, you aren’t trying to stop yourself, and you’re okay with your sin. This is soo dangerous. Girl, please repent and at least consider what I’m saying.

      Thanks <3

    • Project Inspired

      Posted by cassidybarber on October 21, 2014 at 20:44

      Hey GoatyGirl! I felt the need to reply to your story. I am glad that you are a Christian and seek Jesus as your savior! I am just concerned for you about your ideas on premarital sex. I myself am engaged and getting married in 2 weeks. Niether my fiance or myself have had sex. We have however done sexual things that I have felt guilty about. We moved across the country together for college, and moved into our own house. It was so difficult to resist temptation living together. We had a difficult conversation with our pastor about how what we were doing was sin. He had that conversation to help us. I could easily give you verses in the bible to read, but you can google that. The pastor opened up his home to me, for the time up until we get married. I, in a state far from home, moved out of our home to live with another family. I made that sacrifice to be closer to God, and to remove the temptation. We are both so excited to give ourselves to each other. The hard truth is that marriage matters. The piece of paper matters to God. Even though you might know that you want to marry him, it really doesn’t count until you are married. We are to treat our significant other as a brother or a sister until marriage. Sex is something that knits you closer together,and to God. That is why you think it keeps you from fighting, you are playing a role. I hope you can consider abstinence until you two decide to get married. I am sure that there will fighting, but I want you to look out for you. You can do it, and I promise it will be worth it. God will reward you for taking this big step. Please comment back if you would like to talk more, I’ll be praying.

      • GoatyGirl

        Posted by GoatyGirl on October 26, 2014 at 11:31

        To begin, I just want to say that I am of the firm belief that different things are right or wrong for different people. How else could you explain two people reading the same passage and gathering completely different meanings? The Bible is the LIVING word of God, and that means that it is constantly changing and transforming to fit the times and situation of the person reading it. So that I think means every person has different choices to make.
        That being said, I also respect where you’re coming from. Yeah, I think I could just as easily Benin your position with your choices to make, but that’s not where my life has lead me. I am confident in my beliefs and my choices. Just as you clearly are in yours. Which is really freaking cool! How fantastic is it that our God has the capacity to know all of us so well?
        My one question is, what role do you think I am playing? You mentioned that along with some point about us not fighting, and I’m curious as to what you meant by that.
        (I also genuinely want to thank you for your input. While we still may not agree, I love hearing what others have to say about my views on things.)

      • Project Inspired

        Posted by Skipp20 on October 22, 2014 at 08:34

        You said in your comment that marriage matters to God, and I totally agree with that. However, I have a big problem with what you said next, that “the piece of paper matters to God.” I highly doubt that Adam and Eve had a piece of paper saying they were married…do we even know when that tradition started?? From my reading of the Bible, I definitely get the impression that sleeping with multiple partners is WRONG, but I don’t think that premarital sex is sinful if it’s with 1 person only and you stay with that person…the Bible says you should marry that person. Would it be better to abstain? Yes. But it’s not the end of the world if you don’t. You just have to be VERY careful. The idea that God cares deeply about “a piece of paper” seems absurd and overly legalistic to me! God doesn’t look at outward appearances, he looks at the heart. I believe two monogamous people can be married to each other in God’s eyes without having it on paper. I think its best to make things official, but if a couple lives together or has sex before marriage (and only with each other) i don’t believe its a sin.

    • Project Inspired

      Posted by Aria D on October 21, 2014 at 19:41

      Sex is not sinful, in the slightest.

      Nor is talking.

      Or holding a knife.

      However, deciding for yourself that sex is alright outside marriage is you putting your will and what you have decided is OK above God’s will, and that is not OK.

      However, taking the Lord’s name in vain, slander, and tearing another human being down, is wrong.

      However…murder…kinda not OK.

      The examples extreme? No, they aren’t. These are all things that come with different consequences, of course, but they are all sin, they are all human beings deciding to take their own destiny, their own thoughts, what they believe is right for them, into their own hands, and when that is done, that is sinning against God. The question then becomes, what is more important, and what are you going to follow. Your will, or God’s will? Only God knows what is perfect, holy, and right for us, because he made us, and holds the owners manual. I don’t that I can’t just decide what’s right for ME, I don’t.

      But I know better.

      • GoatyGirl

        Posted by GoatyGirl on October 26, 2014 at 11:45

        So my one, big argument with what you had to say, is what of you’re holding that knife because you WANT to kill someone, or you’re thinking about it? That is just as sinful. Or thoughts can be as sinful as our actions. For me, that always puts things into perspective; what I think is just as important as what I do. My sinfulness or righteousness is not determined by what other people see, by what I do. It is determined by my Savior, and we’ve had a nice chat about this stuff. I have dealt with the guilt and the shame and the pain of dealing with feeling as of I had failed. But you know what my God told me? He told me I hadn’t failed him. He told me that my choices hurt me, but that He understands, and that they were not sinful. I felt that I was a failure, but He did not agree. It came down to something rather simple: I felt I was letting my parents down. I felt I was failing my church or my family or something. Because I KNOW God doesn’t feel let down. He and I have argued and I’ve yelled and screamed and tried to understand, and what He has patiently told me, over and over and over again, is that I am not wrong. That He wants me to be happy. He knows what I’ve been through, and He’s happy with where I am now.
        My relationship is not based off any hard-and-fast rules. God and I talk everything out and that means I know whether my decisions are wrong or not. Trust me, He let’s me know when I’m out of line. I can have confidence in my choices because I know He is totally on board with my life right now.

  27. Project Inspired

    Posted by agbutler on October 19, 2014 at 20:03

    I needed to hear this. Thank you.

  28. AllisonGrace

    Posted by AllisonGrace on October 19, 2014 at 18:25

    This is great, just like all of Jenn’s articles. However, I reaaaallyyy dislike how she called herself “used goods.” That’s not what you want teenage girls who’ve had sex to think about themselves. “Used” depicts something old, worn, broken. In Christ, in repentance we are made new! Maybe I’m picky but that’s always something I hate when women say. However, you did say later on that we are treasures and precious rubies, so that’s good.

    I am a virgin, and my boyfriend is not. While it bothered me at first, it doesn’t anymore. My boyfriend isn’t used, he’s renewed 🙂 Thanks for this though Jenn! I needed a reminder about this subject 🙂

    • NerdyChick334

      Posted by NerdyChick334 on October 20, 2014 at 20:18

      Serious: I’m glad you see people in such a positive light, because that’s a great way to love the people in the world who are all God’s creations and all in need of a savior.

      Jokey-ish: Or you could say he’s, like my laptop, refurbished. That’s what I’m gonna call myself now as a Christian. Refurbished.

    • Posted by JennArman on October 20, 2014 at 11:54

      AllisonGrace I understand your concern and you’re right. I don’t ever want girls to think of themselves as “used goods”, but JesusFreak is also right. I used that phrase not because girls should think that way, but because that IS how I thought about myself at the time. I no longer think of myself that way, but it’s a real thought/feeling that some people have and it was part of what God had to heal me from 🙂

      • AllisonGrace

        Posted by AllisonGrace on October 20, 2014 at 17:45

        Thank you for clarifying!! I’ve just heard so many girls call themselves that, so it set off a red flag for me. I’m so glad God has healed you, and it’s a huge inspiration for girls on this website 🙂

    • Project Inspired

      Posted by JesusFreak3278 on October 20, 2014 at 03:42

      I didn’t think about that, but its a good point. However, I think she was saying that not because she IS “used,” but because she wanted to convey the sense of guilt/regret she felt. But that was definitely a good thing to bring up – anyone can become renewed through Christ 🙂 God bless!!