College is a time of learning, exploring, growing and stretching not only in education, but also hopefully in your faith walk. As Christians, we want to protect and honor our purity, future spouse and our body. It’s difficult to be in the culture we live in with social media, the pressure to fit in and also the desire to be loved while trying to maintain a standard of godly relationships.
Tips for Staying Pure in College
1. Draw boundary lines: If you are dating, then draw boundaries with physical affection and decide if you will kiss even before courtship or marriage. Read the article on kissing while dating and if it leads to sin and also read “Is Cuddling with a Boy a Sin?”
Also read the book Boundaries in Dating by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend.
2. Refrain from partying: Try not to go to every single party and understand that college life can be party city. There will be frat and sorority parties, temptation and lots of boys…so make sure you choose your events/parties wisely. Try not to set yourself up for distraction. I’m not saying to be anti-social, just make sure you offer to be the DD (designated driver, if that is an issue with people you are around), and also remember if you do attend these parties to be the light. Just remember what you are walking into. I’m just being honest. The choice is up to you. Praying for you all!
Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. (1 Peter 5:8)
3. Stay sober: Regarding these college parties (unless, for example, you are at a Christian school, but even then, parties can still happen), you may or may not have as severe a temptation to get drunk or may not be around drugs, but remember that you are in control of your choices while sober. If you choose to not stay sober, you will let your guard down and bad things can happen if you aren’t watchful. I pray you will use wisdom about who you’re around and where you choose to hang out. Obviously grown adults may have classy dinner parties where you are of age to have a celebratory drink, such as at a birthday or wedding (not trying to be legalistic), but remember that God says to stay sober and vigilant. Just use wisdom. Staying sober will help you refrain from the crazy hookups that happen at these parties and will help you remain pure. I hope this helps some of you and will hopefully help guide you to make smart life choices.
4. Pray: Remember to always pray and suit up with the armor of God and His Holy Word (the Bible). Don’t forget to ask God for His protection and for the discernment about who you date and eventually marry.
1 Thessalonians 5:17 says “Pray without ceasing.”
5. Surround yourself with Godly friends: If you are around like-minded believers, they will likely not want to pull you into the darkness of partying and hooking up with guys. You should be mindful of who you hang with, because the top three to five people you hang out with you become more like, amen? There is a great quote that says “Show me your friends and I will show you your future.”
As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another. (Psalm 27:17)
6. Be friends with guys instead of dating: Who needs to date right away? Build friendships with your guy friends and eventually you will learn about a man’s character over time. You don’t need to rush a relationship with a guy. Instead, just be friends, and if something more is meant to be, it will blossom and he will pursue you.
7. Don’t be alone with a guy: Don’t set yourself up for failure or temptation. Try to not hang out with a guy alone, because you are just inviting possible physical behavior, kissing or even sending the wrong message. If you want a guy to respect you and to court you, then let him take you on some dates, meet your family and earn your respect. Don’t just cuddle up to some guy in college and watch a film…no. You are going to deceive yourself if you think you can watch a movie with a guy alone and not be tempted to be physical in some way. I pray you take this advice. Ask yourself too before making these choices, “Do I want to protect my purity, my future relationship with my husband and my heart?”
8. Be okay with pursuing Jesus: You don’t need to be in a relationship all the time. It is really okay to be single and to focus on the things of God. Sometimes purity is where your heart is with God and what you are allowing in. Do you covet what other people have? Do you have to compete with friends and/or always be with a guy or have a boyfriend? Do you need CONSTANT attention? Purity of heart matters. Ask Jesus to cleanse you and to help lead you in HIS way.
9. Watch your thoughts: This goes for everyone. Watch your eye gates and ear gates and what you listen to or watch. Mainstream media slips in little hints of lust, sin and temptation, and slithers in like a snake. You need to cast it out of your mind and read God’s Word while being conscious of what kind of music you are speaking out over your life. Do you always listen to perverse music? Or are you listening to worldly lies being spoken over you? Are you just allowing anything to come into the doors of your heart and mind? GUARD them. GUARD your heart. God says it is the wellspring of life for a reason and commands us to protect it for a reason, amen? (Proverbs 4:23)
10. Focus on school and don’t be distracted: Sometimes in life we can get wrapped up with social activities or even with dating. Sometimes in life we need a reminder of balance, and also we need to realize at times if we are not ready for a serious relationship that these things can become distractions. Distractions take your eyes off the focus. What is your focus? What is your goal or prize in the faith race you are running? Don’t allow distraction to slow you down. If it hinders or harms your walk with Jesus, get rid of it. It’s that simple.
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. (Hebrews 12:1)
…for it is written: “Be holy, because I am holy.” (1 Peter 1:16)
Check out some popular resources and advice on the Christian faith, dating, purity and being single at boundless.org.
Check out these purity books:
Boundaries in Dating by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend
Sex and the Single Christian Girl by Marian Jordan Ellis
Preparing to Be a Help Meet by Debi Pearl
Also check out the book What Is He Thinking?? by Rebecca St. James.
PI Girls, does this help you regarding college and your walk of holiness and pursue of purity?