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Beauty & Fashion

Q&A- What Do I Do if I’m Struggling with My Looks and Self-esteem?

Question:

I know that God loves me, but I’m still very sad all of the time-I feel like such a loser. What do I do if I’m struggling with my looks and self-esteem?

Answer:

I wrote a passionate post about struggling with negative thoughts. I wrote:

Have you ever asked yourself things like, “How come that person is so confident?” Or “Why are they so happy every day?” It all starts with your continual thoughts and the type of self-talk you think about yourself! I’m here to tell you that you CAN achieve any type of goal, and even become happier than those who are non-believers! Why? Because with positive self-talk, you can tap into God’s power and His purpose for you!

I’d like for you to read the entire thing. Then take a photo of your beautiful self and submit it to our Me Without Makeup movement.

Image: Thinkstock | Comstock | Getty Images

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51 Comments

  1. Project Inspired

    Posted by emj20 on May 19, 2012 at 05:50

    i know you probably get alot a comments but i try so hard to lift my self esteem but its really hard with my parents always fighting. then the next thing you know i thinking im way to ugly to go to school. Im going to try all of your tips. thx

  2. Project Inspired

    Posted by luckedout on April 9, 2012 at 15:11

    My friends call me “the happy one”. they think im always positive about everything. but i’m sooooo not positive about my body. I dont feel beautiful or pretty.

  3. Project Inspired

    Posted by Dancer on April 5, 2012 at 14:45

    ok so you are beatiful even if your friends say negative things about you they are not true friends if they put you down god made us just the way we are and he made us all beatiful we don’t need surgery to look prettier and your selfa steem “BOOST” it up pray to god he will help you god bless you forever

  4. Project Inspired

    Posted by Hollydoll on February 19, 2012 at 12:30

    i know i really am beautiful and i love who god made me! but i have always struggled with being overweight and i have already lost 23 pounds! i am doing it the healthy way but i am still shy about how i look. i want to loose about 15 more pounds so if you can pray for me that would be great(: and nicole your website has helped me so much! i am doing a project for school about people who have made an impact on soceity through media and i chose you nicole!other girls think i am wierd when i tell them about your anti cosmo project but i know i am doing the right thing 🙂

  5. Project Inspired

    Posted by jayjewls on January 11, 2012 at 18:54

    this helped me so much

  6. Project Inspired

    Posted by RealandTrue on December 9, 2011 at 11:26

    My friend has struggled with an eating disorder and shes gorgeous…I know that what shes doing is wrong and unchristian but everyone continuously compliments her and forgets that I am insecure about how I look too…I have thought about diets alot since she became anorexic and im scared that im going to fall into the trap of an eating disorder

  7. Project Inspired

    Posted by brebre on November 29, 2011 at 01:01

    like people tell me i need to work on my confadince but its the fact that im thick and i dont no how to make my self like my self as the real ,e

  8. Project Inspired

    Posted by MaximumRider on October 30, 2011 at 20:34

    I so struggle with self esteem… Some times I just cant understand why God would not make me beautiful…. It bugs me so much. I wont have a eating disability or anything I just wish I He could have made me beautiful. 🙁

  9. Posted by on October 25, 2011 at 18:04

    I just discovered this site today, and although there are a lot of great things on here I find a lot of things on this website especially under ‘real beauty’ are about how people physically look. If beauty is all about what’s on the inside, why are you promoting self-tanners and make-up? Or is it about how we should make the best out of what we have and we were all created beautifully.I’d also like to point out that it seems like this website is directed to girls. Well, we’re not the only ones that suffer from lack of self-esteem.Boys do too. Anyway, overall I think this site gives a great message to people everywhere and I really want to change the way the world see’s beauty. Thank you so much.

    • Posted by Nicole on October 26, 2011 at 22:19

      I believe that we are al beautiful, yet I am also a girly girl and I love makeup, and I like to share beauty tricks and tips with girls too! Also, I know that boys come here too but right now the site is focused on girls only- because I don’t have a large enough team to accommodate a boys section too. Does that make sense? Thank you so much for the feedback, I am so happy you like it! please keep coming back!

  10. Posted by on October 14, 2011 at 21:43

    you shouldn’t feel down or have low self-esteem you are who you are and your special and unique and you were wonderfully made by God as some people has said “Why compare yourself with others? No one in the entire world can do a better job of being you than you”-anonomous and when you have low self esteem just know that you are special and theres no other you 🙂

    • Project Inspired

      Posted by brebre on November 29, 2011 at 01:03

      but what if they keep saying that your ugly and you already feel ugly what should they do

  11. Posted by on September 10, 2011 at 11:56

    i always feel like a loser. i never feel really ugly or anything (im not the most beutiful girl but i honestly dont care that much). theres a group of girls at my school who think theyre the prettiest and coolest people. no one really likes them but they think that they are really popular. my friend thinks that they are really nice, but they aren’t. they just make people feel like idiots and losers. i finally realized that theyre opinion’s dont matter. only God’s does. i know im not perfect or the best at many things but i know that im at least better than they are and thats what really matters

    • Posted by Nicole on September 10, 2011 at 13:15

      those girls are very insecure! don’t associate with them. 🙂

  12. Posted by on September 8, 2011 at 16:34

    Sometimes I struggle with low self-esteem, but then I remember that God made me just the perfect way I was meant to be. I will no longer try to alter that, and I believe everyone is beautiful in their own special unique way 🙂

  13. Posted by on August 31, 2011 at 01:03

    I need some help with self esteem. Mostly with my weight, evem though I’m naturally big boned I feel fat. Living in a country where most women are small doesn’t help either. My mom tells me I’m beautiful, but she also says I have to lose weight, like all the time. I don’t know how to tell her to stop, because I know she wants me to be healthy. If you could give me some advice on how to talk to her that would be great.

    • Posted by Nicole on September 8, 2011 at 19:38

      your mom is trying to look out for you and care for you. It’s a hard situation, but tell her that it doesn’t make you feel good when she brings it up, because you’re not a size 0 and not small boned like Ashley and Mary Kate! Those models/girls in magazines/and celebrities are NOT real. God made you and your beautiful body, perfectly, and made just for you. Do you want to lose weight? If you do, please do it healthy. My favorite exercises are pilates, and Zumba. Those workout Dvds are fun and affordable to buy! Just remember- The world’s standard of beauty is warped, and is sinful. (Satan’s lies.) the TRUE beautiful woman is one who is a light, positive, on fire for God, happy, kind, and honest is to be PRAISED. I am praying for you hannah! God loves you so, so much.

  14. Posted by on August 27, 2011 at 17:39

    Diffrent teas help with many problems that we face, from Depression and writers block to acne and dandruff. Next time you feel depressed, try drinking Milkthistle or Rosehips tea. These teas will most likely be found in the heath food department of the store, or if you look at nutritional facts, you’ll find Rosehips in nearly every fruit flavored tea. I know this really helps me 🙂

  15. Posted by on August 27, 2011 at 10:29

    Sorry to say, but i dont take care of myself because i look down on myself so much. I hate nearly every aspect of my body, face, hair, and even who i am on the inside. I just dont know what to do about it! I try to keep a neat appearance, but it gets hard to do when you have a bad day.

    • Posted by Nicole on August 29, 2011 at 11:42

      Wake up and look in the mirror, and tell yourself I AM beautiful! I am NOT going to listen to the Devil’s lies today! I AM precious, perfectly-made, and one of a kind.” The world would not be the same if you weren’t in it! Also, I am going to make a playlist soon of uplifting songs that tells you you are beautiful and you can download on your ipod if you have one to listen to throughout the day to help lift your spirits. Also, write a list of what you like about yourself: Are you a passionate person about going after your dreams? Are you smart? Do you have a loving heart? Are you compassionate? All of those INNER beauty traits are what matters to God, Not the outwardly appearance! How many times have you seen a “pretty girl” but then you realize she is mean, has a cold heart, and gossips.. THAT is ugly, and God counts that!! Plus, I didn’t feel attractive when I was a teen, I was gawky, skinny, had braces, and my skin was constantly broken out. But as I became an adult, I became happy with my appearance and I “grew into” myself. You will too! I hope this helps. Emily- YOU ARE GORGEOUS. YOU ARE A DAUGHTER OF THE KING.

      • Posted by on September 4, 2011 at 11:55

        This made my day!! 🙂 Thank you so much Nicole!

      • Posted by Nicole on September 5, 2011 at 14:48

        you’re welcome gorgeous!

      • Posted by on September 2, 2011 at 19:39

        I really try to nicole! But the stuff i go through every day, just seems to drain the life out of me! :'( I really want to believe im beautiful, but i look at the facts, and they tell me im not. I wish you could see all the tears i cry because of people who tell me im not pretty. I wish i was! God knows i do! But i look at myself and i feel fat, gross, and just like i want to hide myself all day.

      • Posted by Nicole on September 3, 2011 at 12:35

        it WILL get better! God WILL take care of it! Everytime you feel that way, know it’s the enemy making you feel bad! Say ‘By the blood of Jesus, Leave Devil!” trust me, it works. You will automatically feel at peace. Also, wake up and tell yourself you’re beautiful 10x in the mirror, and emphasize what makes you unique! Nothing in the world would be the same if you weren’t in it!

      • Posted by on August 29, 2011 at 15:42

        Thanks nicole. I wish there was a like button here like on facebook! But the thing is, im not skinny like so many girls! And i know a lot of skinny girls that are very nice! I feel like everyone is judging me. Its like i have to go through the same hurtful routine every day! For instance, every day i see at least one girl holding hands with her boyfriend as she walks down the hall at school. I always end up thinking, “She probably has him cuz she’s so pretty” Me on the other hand, i dont have anyone to hold hands with, talk to when im down, and God knows i wish i did! I just feel gross because i am heavier than other girls at my school. Im always walking around school with a frown. I dont smile cuz i have nothing to smile about! And i may be one of a kind, but to most people im just nothing.

      • Posted by Nicole on September 3, 2011 at 12:44

        Don’t worry Emily, it WILL get better. You don’t need a boyfriend!

  16. Posted by on August 25, 2011 at 16:36

    I have noticed that a lot of girls have self-confidence problems. I know I do, I am constantly telling myself that I’m fat, ugly, and not noticed by any of the boys around me. But then I realize that I’m not. Everyone is pretty in their own unique way, and if God wanted me to have a boyfriend, he would send me one. Society has put a label on beauty, and an premature expiration date on youth. I don’t need people telling me I’m pretty all the time to actually be pretty, or have 50 “likes” on a picture on Facebook to be beautiful. It comes from within. Society has nothing on my God.(:

  17. Posted by on August 25, 2011 at 15:03

    hey, Do u know any good HEALTHY plans 4 losing weight? I am 5’4 and weigh 106 🙁 which seems small, but i have a VERY small body frame, and a LOT of fat!

    • Posted by Nicole on August 26, 2011 at 13:37

      YES! The 5 factor diet by Harley Pasternak is SO amazing!! I’m on it and I’ve already lost 3 lbs in 6 days. I’m going to write an article about it soon!

  18. Posted by on August 18, 2011 at 17:46

    Well I haven’t read everyone’s comments so I don’t know if anyone’s suggested this yet, but I would tell someone like your parents (of you’re still that young) that you’re feeling bad. I was having a similar issue and was also cutting and starving myself. My friend actual talked to a teacher at school and told them that she didn’t think I was eating enough. Then my parents were brought into the picture and I got help in the form of counseling and I also take anti-depressants now because it turns out that I was feeling so bad because of depression. I also got some help from my church’s pastor who told me something that should be a part of my healing process is just sitting down and reading the bible every day, even just for five minutes. Also praying a ton. Through a combination of therapy, medication, and God I’m happier than I’ve ever been. Life is so much better now! Not trying to say you have depression, just that you should make sure the people in your life are aware of how you’re feeling. I’m a really quiet person and just getting the chance to talk to my therapist every week to get stuff off my chest and not be judged, only given positive feed back helped a lot.

  19. Posted by on August 17, 2011 at 09:29

    It is so easy to fall into depression and self-esteem issues these days, because we are constantly bombarded with images of ‘perfect’ people– Girls who are stick thin, guys with six-packs… it’s hard NOT to feel inadequate. I’m a teenage girl, and I know that it is so hard to be confident in yourself. It’s so easy to look at yourself and only see the ‘bad’ things. But everyone is beautiful in their own way, and beauty starts inside, anyway.

    So many girls are getting caught up in anorexia, bulimia, and self-harm, and I wish they could see how lovely they are. All those things can be problems that are permanent– eating disorders are lifelong struggles, and self-harm can lead to suicide. We have to realize that the girls who are size zero and somehow manage to have a C-cup bra are the ones who are unrealistic. Everyone is unique and lovely and I just wish I could make every girl in the world see it.

  20. Posted by on August 15, 2011 at 12:24

    I struggle with this very issue. I am a former teen rebel and I attempted to kill myself SO many times. (over dose of pills, jumping out a window) And I also was a cutter and I developed anorexia (which I still struggle with) And self esteem is just not something that I had back then. I still struggle with anorexia daily, but I am trying SO hard to love my body and the way God made me. Thankfully, he brought me back to him and he is slowly molding me into a woman of God. It’s been a long journey, but I have my eyes set on HIM and with God I can do anything!

    • Posted by Nicole on August 16, 2011 at 13:56

      I am so sorry to hear this RJ, but you know- you are SO precious, beautiful, amazing, perfectly made, and God will use you in a big way! Take care of yourself, because God lives in you.

  21. Posted by on July 30, 2011 at 20:13

    A good song for self esteem for me is Mockingbird by Eminem. It has some profanity, but I like to hear stories from people who are going through problems to help me remember i’m not alone. 🙂

  22. Posted by on July 30, 2011 at 15:06

    I’ve struggled with my self-image many times before. It, thankfully, has never turned into anything horrible or terrible. I just always think about Jeremiah 19:11-12 “For I know the plans I have for you. Plans to prosper you, and not to harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future.” 🙂 And, Nicole, I loved what you said “You CAN achieve any goal!” I love to sing, dance and write. I, in fact, hope to become famous one day. But for a long time people told me “You’ll never get that far! You aren’t a good dancer.” but I just had to remember that I am God’s daughter! I can do anything as long as I trust in God and His infinite wisdom! 🙂

  23. Posted by on July 29, 2011 at 17:07

    What you have to realize is that EVERY single girl struggles with that. no matter what they look like, or how they’ve been raised. What matters is that you don’t let it become the better of you. So many girls let it affect their social life, their family life, their school, and most importantly their relationship with God. Instead, better yourself because of it. Always remember that you ARE beautiful, and that God made you just the way he wants you to be. Don’t look at how the world wants you to be, but look at how God wants you to be.

    • Posted by on August 2, 2011 at 22:27

      I tend to just fake through it any everyone believes I’m confident, so then they think I’m pretty. If they didn’t think I was confident they wouldn’t say I was pretty, but I know God loves me and that’s all that matters.

  24. Posted by on July 29, 2011 at 10:25

    I Really go through struggles of Self Esteem Especially when I was Growing up to be a teenager and I really use to be jealous of people and Most of the time Some days I would think that I’m Beautiful and other days I would think I’m Ugly,I realize that I should think about what God thinks of me and to really pay more attention to God because when you love God so much and pay more attention to him it really doesn’t matter what people thinks about you or what you think about yourself but what he thinks of you, and As a Young Child of God I really Struggle with Comparing myself to people but it takes time to stop

    • Posted by Nicole on July 29, 2011 at 10:55

      it does take time to stop for sure! trust me, I even feel that way sometimes! I think all girls do at some point. But like you said it’s more important for us to think about that God made us perfectly- and in His image!

  25. Posted by on July 29, 2011 at 08:19

    I always feel insecure about something on my body..but there’s a song by matthew west that’s just for girls nd it helps, it’s called “Broken Girl” ya’ll should listen to it 🙂

    • Posted by on September 28, 2011 at 21:03

      Two more great songs for this topic are Beautiful for me by Nichole Nordeman and More beautiful you by Jonny Diaz.

    • Posted by Nicole on July 29, 2011 at 11:18

      I just posted this song, thank you for sharing it!

    • Posted by Nicole on July 29, 2011 at 10:58

      ooh I’m going to listen to it right now!! thank you!

  26. Posted by on July 28, 2011 at 16:04

    I like this!!! I’m still trying to get in the habit of doing this, because I’ve been suffering from low-self esteem for years. I mean, it isn’t REALLY really bad, just to the point where it is extremely annoying, and it can get me pretty depressed at times. 😛

    • Posted by Nicole on July 28, 2011 at 19:22

      just practice, and you’ll get the hang of it and change your self talk to yourself!

  27. Posted by on July 28, 2011 at 15:55

    A lot of girl struggle with self-esteem,too,including me. It’s all becuase of the worlds definiton of beautiful. These days, people are too fat,or too skinny.butt not big enough,boobs not big enough. We have to realize that God made us exactly the way he wants us to be. Right down to every mole. We shouldn’t go by the worlds definiton of beautiful,we should go by God’s.

    • Posted by Nicole on July 28, 2011 at 19:22

      I love this! 🙂

      • Posted by on July 31, 2011 at 17:46

        Thanks a lot Nicole. Love you. I just hate my body right now.

      • Posted by Nicole on July 31, 2011 at 21:58

        you are perfect!! I hate my body too sometimes! People’s body can change, but our pure souls are forever!