I was always enrolled in a public school. Public school is hard for a child to experience, especially as a follower of Christ. There are so many other kids who don’t know who Christ is so the enemy uses them to attack the born again. Starting in the first grade I can remember always being teased and made fun of-either being called a Jesus freak or ugly and sometimes I was made fun of just for other kids to get a laugh and to try to gain more friends. I went through this until I graduated the twelfth grade. I always thought that I was useless but I realize that now I can use this as a powerful testimony for those teens and young adults facing the same issues I went through.
Because of this torment, I always felt like I wanted to fit in and wanted the other kids to like me. I wasn’t thinking about how Jesus suffered and I wasn’t thinking about the gifts I would receive once this life was over and I was in Heaven. I was too blind to see that I’m beautiful just the way God made me. I was young and was focused on other things. All I knew was that I wanted the teasing to end. In the 8th grade, I got sucked into MySpace, which was not a good place. I had pictures of myself posted and even had hundreds of people who I didn’t even personally know as friends. I wasn’t thinking about the dangers, I just knew I was getting attention and people were telling me I was pretty. People always seem nicer on the Internet. My dad found out about it when I was in the 10th grade and quickly brought it to an end. I thank God that I actually grew up with a father who cared and always looked out for my best interest. He always helped me get back up when I was falling. I was still looking for ways to fit in. I started wearing makeup and changed the way I dressed. I wasn’t unique anymore; I looked just like everyone else. This still didn’t work. I had people telling me every day that I was ugly and needed to kill myself so everyone else could be happy. I eventually pushed God to the side and never mentioned him. I rarely thought about him. I was on the road to destruction. I was crying almost every day because of the kids teasing me and I would often cry myself to sleep. My senior year of high school I started to sneak different shoes and clothes to school so I could try to fit in with all of the other girls. I turned to cutting my wrists and thighs and burning myself. I still have those scars on my things, stomach, and hands but the ones on my wrist have gone away to remind me that I have been forgiven and my past is just that: in the past.
All of the previous times I turned back to God, it was to make my dad happy. Then I realized, “I want a stronger, more real relationship with God.” Not because of pleasing my dad but because of pleasing my Father in heaven. This drew me back to Christ in April of 2012. I started going back to my current church and I’m stronger than ever. I’m a happier person and my relationship with my parents has healed. I’ve realized that I’m beautiful just the way I am and if anyone says otherwise, I don’t listen to them. I can finally look in the mirror and feel beautiful without the makeup. Most people say that with what I went through for 12 years in school could only be healed by a psychiatrist. But that’s not true. God was there and he’s helped me now that I came back to him.