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Me Without Makeup

Rebecca

I was always enrolled in a public school. Public school is hard for a child to experience, especially as a follower of Christ. There are so many other kids who don’t know who Christ is so the enemy uses them to attack the born again. Starting in the first grade I can remember always being teased and made fun of-either being called a Jesus freak or ugly and sometimes I was made fun of just for other kids to get a laugh and to try to gain more friends. I went through this until I graduated the twelfth grade. I always thought that I was useless but I realize that now I can use this as a powerful testimony for those teens and young adults facing the same issues I went through.

Because of this torment, I always felt like I wanted to fit in and wanted the other kids to like me. I wasn’t thinking about how Jesus suffered and I wasn’t thinking about the gifts I would receive once this life was over and I was in Heaven. I was too blind to see that I’m beautiful just the way God made me. I was young and was focused on other things. All I knew was that I wanted the teasing to end. In the 8th grade, I got sucked into MySpace, which was not a good place. I had pictures of myself posted and even had hundreds of people who I didn’t even personally know as friends. I wasn’t thinking about the dangers, I just knew I was getting attention and people were telling me I was pretty. People always seem nicer on the Internet. My dad found out about it when I was in the 10th grade and quickly brought it to an end. I thank God that I actually grew up with a father who cared and always looked out for my best interest. He always helped me get back up when I was falling. I was still looking for ways to fit in. I started wearing makeup and changed the way I dressed. I wasn’t unique anymore; I looked just like everyone else. This still didn’t work. I had people telling me every day that I was ugly and needed to kill myself so everyone else could be happy. I eventually pushed God to the side and never mentioned him. I rarely thought about him. I was on the road to destruction. I was crying almost every day because of the kids teasing me and I would often cry myself to sleep. My senior year of high school I started to sneak different shoes and clothes to school so I could try to fit in with all of the other girls. I turned to cutting my wrists and thighs and burning myself. I still have those scars on my things, stomach, and hands but the ones on my wrist have gone away to remind me that I have been forgiven and my past is just that: in the past.

All of the previous times I turned back to God, it was to make my dad happy. Then I realized, “I want a stronger, more real relationship with God.” Not because of pleasing my dad but because of pleasing my Father in heaven. This drew me back to Christ in April of 2012. I started going back to my current church and I’m stronger than ever. I’m a happier person and my relationship with my parents has healed. I’ve realized that I’m beautiful just the way I am and if anyone says otherwise, I don’t listen to them. I can finally look in the mirror and feel beautiful without the makeup. Most people say that with what I went through for 12 years in school could only be healed by a psychiatrist. But that’s not true. God was there and he’s helped me now that I came back to him.

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Image: Courtesy of Rebecca

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7 Comments

  1. SunshineSmiley

    Posted by SunshineSmiley on November 14, 2012 at 13:50

    You Pretty.

  2. horseluver2498

    Posted by horseluver2498 on September 28, 2012 at 13:04

    How could anyone call you ugly? You are so beautiful!!!

  3. Becky J.

    Posted by Becky J. on September 24, 2012 at 12:05

    Your story is beautiful!! 🙂 <3

  4. Posted by Nicole on September 13, 2012 at 23:30

    wow your story is so powerful Rebecca! And you are STUNNING just the way you are! This is Nicole who runs the site by the way. I’m so happy you shared your story with us! 🙂

  5. Paris

    Posted by Paris on August 30, 2012 at 20:41

    Love your hair! God is good!

  6. DanieB

    Posted by DanieB on August 26, 2012 at 11:12

    I loved that and if I was in public school I would be best friends with you!!!

  7. Rbubbles

    Posted by Rbubbles on August 21, 2012 at 12:02

    “Most people say that with what I went through for 12 years in school could only be healed by a psychiatrist. But that’s not true.”
    That statement is just awesome.
    So happy for you! Never be ashamed of being called a Jesus freak 🙂