Sex and “Secondary Virginity”
Written by Phylicia Masonheimer | September 28, 2016
The first time I heard the term “secondary virginity,” I wasn’t sure what it meant. A little research revealed the importance of this term for our generation of Christian women. In a society saturated with sex—from marketing campaigns to the halls of our schools—secondary virginity offers hope to many young women who feel there is none.
Secondary virginity is simply God’s redemption of sexual sin. In previous posts on Project Inspired, I’ve discussed God’s expectations for sex and why there is hope for the not-so-good girl. Sex outside of marriage is a sin; God has made that clear in Scripture. But that doesn’t mean that those who have lost their virginity can never have a love story written by God! Our God is both all-holy and all-powerful, able to redeem any sexual past. If you’re wondering if you can be a “secondary virgin,” here are three truths for your heart.
1. God forgives sexual sin.
Sexual sin is not beyond God’s grace. It’s that simple. Sin is sin in the eyes of Jesus, and while He does take sexual sin seriously, a repentant heart is never beyond His reach. Whatever your past, God can use it to accomplish His purposes. His grace can motivate you to walk out the purity Christ’s sacrifice provides.
Read this post to find out how to live in sexual freedom the way God designed it to be.
2. A good man will still want you.
I know that’s hard to believe at times. We’ve all been there—regardless of virginity. But the beautiful thing about grace is how it aligns you with the will and plan of God. When you choose to follow Christ, surrendering your sexuality to His design, you’re saying: “God, I choose your plan. I choose to trust you with my singleness, my sexuality and my body. I choose to let you lead me to a man who will honor You.” God blesses the humble and repentant heart (Isaiah 30:15), and while this doesn’t mean you’ll meet “The One” overnight, it means you’ll have access to the grace, comfort and strength of God throughout your single season.
It’s important to note that Christian men (men who truly love and follow Christ) understand the sexual battle being waged in this world. Men who understand grace are compassionate to women who have sinned in the past, knowing that God’s grace renews and restores.
3. Purity is still possible.
All of us have sinned and fallen short of the goodness God expects (Romans 3:23). That’s why Jesus died: to provide purity for the impure, so we could be in a relationship with our perfect, loving God! If you’re wondering whether purity is still possible, here’s your answer:
It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. (1 Corinthians 1:30)
God wants purity for you more than you want it for yourself. Be reassured: His heart is for you to be holy. Purity is still possible.
My own husband is a “secondary virgin,” and I shared our story in this post. Despite the fact that I was a virgin and he was not, we saved ourselves for marriage. We chose God’s plan. We have a redeemed love story written by God Himself, not because of anything we have done, but because of the grace of Jesus.
There is always hope where Jesus lives. There is purity for the repentant heart. And there is love for you, even when you feel unlovable.