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Love

Should I Apologize to My Ex-Boyfriend?

I made a lot of mistakes in a previous relationship. We are no longer together, but lately I’ve been bumping into him a lot. God has done a lot of healing in my heart and I feel like I owe this guy an apology about how I treated him. I also want to put closure on the relationship overall. Should I approach him or wait to see if he approaches me?

Don’t be too hard on yourself! We all make mistakes, and one of the AMAZING things about God is that He forgives us and even gives us the opportunity to correct the things we have done wrong! I have found that when the same circumstance keeps presenting itself over and over again in life, it’s often God giving me repeated opportunities to choose the right path. It seems that this may be the situation with you, too! If you feel that you owe your ex-boyfriend an apology, your frequent “bumping” into him may be God’s way of giving you opportunities to “right a wrong.”

However, this is probably a pretty hard thing to do, so here are four pointers that will help:

  • Pray first! Ask God to give you the courage to approach your ex-boyfriend. Remember, fear is something that the enemy tries to put in your heart to keep you from doing what you know is right! Ask God to remove the fear. Also, ask God to remove any barriers that your ex might be experiencing so that he can receive your apology and not walk in a spirit of unforgiveness.
  • No expectations. When you approach your ex, be sure that you have pure motives. Your motive should be simply to give a sincere apology, regardless of how he receives it. Don’t expect him to have a particular response to your apology. He may struggle with receiving the apology, depending on the relationship that the two of you experienced, but know that you’ve done your part. If he remains upset, show empathy, but don’t allow him to make you experience unnecessary guilt. Instead, give the situation to God! You can’t harbor other people’s unforgiveness or hurts. Only God can work on a person’s heart.
  • Keep it simple. You might feel a desire to rehash the past, but that may not be the best thing to do. Keep the conversation simple and do it in private. Talking a lot about past events and situations can lead to the “blame game” and increased hurts, which would be counterproductive.
  • Love! Continue to love yourself and your ex with the agape kind of love that Jesus requires of us! Eventually both of you will heal from this and it’ll be a learning experience that will serve you in the future.

Apologizing can be a very difficult thing to do, but know that God is pleased with you for doing it in spite of your own discomfort! You never know—this may be the very thing that your ex-boyfriend needs to begin his own healing process.

What do you girls think? Have you ever been in this situation before? What did you do?

Image: iStockphoto | ThinkStock

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9 Comments

  1. Project Inspired

    Posted by MaryAnnM on June 27, 2017 at 21:12

    This article is so helpful.

    I’m struggling with the same problem even though its been more than 10 years now.I did apologize at that time,but it was not appropriate and the feeling of guilt and shame is still haunting me so badly.I knew he deserved a better closure.

    We both have moved on and I know he’s happily settled now. (And not sure even if he remembers me!!).I want to wholeheartedly apologize for my awful behavior.But at the same time ,I’m not sure if it does have any negative impact, even though I don’t have any other intention…
    Should I pm him in Facebook with an apology mail or say a hi and wait for his response?
    I’m confused..these thoughts are driving me crazy!

  2. Project Inspired

    Posted by sylitalo54 on July 12, 2014 at 18:24

    My ex and I dated for three years. I went on a mission’s trip to Louisiana my senior year of high school and came back, honestly, truly changed for the better, and I grew up a lot. Our relationship changed and went down hill. We tired a short break up period where we were both free to see others, but we were more friends at that time. We broke up via facebook almost two years ago. It took me a long time in my heart to let him go. He hurt me badly. He was not a christian at the time and I was/am so we were dating in sin essentially. It took me a long time to just say I forgive you. Our pastor preached a sermon about holding those things in. I let him go in my heart. It took me a while just to think and let that sink in. God had been tugging at my heart you have to forgive him. I messaged him a couple of weeks after and all I said was I forgive you, and we were on talking only through facebook type grounds for a while, we really haven’t seen or spoken to each other since. I get updates from his sister every now and again. I’m 22 now and I have been single for about a year. I told God I’m done he’s your’s now. I’ve done a lot of thinking since that time and praying for the right guy. I have to tell myself Proverbs 3:5-6 almost daily. Though I do still pray for him

  3. Reborn211

    Posted by Reborn211 on April 7, 2014 at 09:19

    Very nice. I have battled the same thing. To apologize or not…my biggest fear is not getting a response, but what I’ve learned In life, and from my past experiences, is that our apologies are for us to heal and we can not expect the other to accept it. My bf and I recently broke up. After picking out a house and engagement ring and then he just split out of nowhere. I am 30, so I feel horrible bc I finally found “the one”. Things ended on great terms then it got very ugly and I’m not even sure why. I finally apologized for my part in acting out of anger and giving it to God to fufill His will for the situation.

  4. AYoung77

    Posted by AYoung77 on January 7, 2014 at 19:09

    I have apologized to an ex-boyfriend before. I did some really horrible things and it bothered me for about two years. I finally sent him a really long message on Facebook say how sorry I was. He said he forgave me and I felt better. Now we’re friends again. Even though I knew I was forgiven by God for my actions it felt better that I confessed my sins and apologized my sins to the person they were committed to. I finally felt some closure after two years.

  5. AbbySheryl

    Posted by AbbySheryl on December 8, 2013 at 11:13

    First off, I LOVE this article! This is something I’ve struggled with in the past. So I had this boyfriend and we dated for about a year and a half. I really liked him (loved him even) and we were both so young we didn’t know how to deal with our feelings. Anyways, it ended with a series of events leading to a text message from him(lame, I know) and I always felt like I should talk to him and just apologize for the things I had done and let him know I had forgiven him for the things he’d done to me. But then, I chickened out a couple times when I got the chance and then he left my school. Although this was a good thing for me in many ways- I really wish I would’ve apologized to him before. And who knows, maybe one day I’ll get the chance? If you think you should, I’d say just do it. Definately pray for the right words but apologizing is always a good idea! Sorry this was long lol

    • AYoung77

      Posted by AYoung77 on January 7, 2014 at 19:10

      Maybe you could look him up on Facebook and send him a message like I did.

  6. Project Inspired

    Posted by Lover3 on November 6, 2013 at 19:59

    I had an ex boyfriend and he broke up with me but then I apologized and he told me I shouldn’t be apologizing and so he apologized and after a while of healing we forgave each other so I gave him one more chance and he didn’t mess it up that time and I was pretty happy I forgave him 😉

  7. Marisajoelle

    Posted by Marisajoelle on November 2, 2013 at 13:54

    I do have an ex-boyfriend who doesn’t talk to me at all, but we talk to my siblings on the phone, and our mutual friends. I wish we could just be friends again, but he did the breaking up, so I want to apologize…. but what exactly am I apologizing for?

  8. Deeblves3

    Posted by Deeblves3 on November 1, 2013 at 10:36

    I did this with the last relationship I was in and also seen God do a lot healing after the breakup. I apologized after a month and he took awhile to heal but then he began to open up to me and it takes time but I believe God was pleased 🙂