I made a lot of mistakes in a previous relationship. We are no longer together, but lately I’ve been bumping into him a lot. God has done a lot of healing in my heart and I feel like I owe this guy an apology about how I treated him. I also want to put closure on the relationship overall. Should I approach him or wait to see if he approaches me?
Don’t be too hard on yourself! We all make mistakes, and one of the AMAZING things about God is that He forgives us and even gives us the opportunity to correct the things we have done wrong! I have found that when the same circumstance keeps presenting itself over and over again in life, it’s often God giving me repeated opportunities to choose the right path. It seems that this may be the situation with you, too! If you feel that you owe your ex-boyfriend an apology, your frequent “bumping” into him may be God’s way of giving you opportunities to “right a wrong.”
However, this is probably a pretty hard thing to do, so here are four pointers that will help:
- Pray first! Ask God to give you the courage to approach your ex-boyfriend. Remember, fear is something that the enemy tries to put in your heart to keep you from doing what you know is right! Ask God to remove the fear. Also, ask God to remove any barriers that your ex might be experiencing so that he can receive your apology and not walk in a spirit of unforgiveness.
- No expectations. When you approach your ex, be sure that you have pure motives. Your motive should be simply to give a sincere apology, regardless of how he receives it. Don’t expect him to have a particular response to your apology. He may struggle with receiving the apology, depending on the relationship that the two of you experienced, but know that you’ve done your part. If he remains upset, show empathy, but don’t allow him to make you experience unnecessary guilt. Instead, give the situation to God! You can’t harbor other people’s unforgiveness or hurts. Only God can work on a person’s heart.
- Keep it simple. You might feel a desire to rehash the past, but that may not be the best thing to do. Keep the conversation simple and do it in private. Talking a lot about past events and situations can lead to the “blame game” and increased hurts, which would be counterproductive.
- Love! Continue to love yourself and your ex with the agape kind of love that Jesus requires of us! Eventually both of you will heal from this and it’ll be a learning experience that will serve you in the future.
Apologizing can be a very difficult thing to do, but know that God is pleased with you for doing it in spite of your own discomfort! You never know—this may be the very thing that your ex-boyfriend needs to begin his own healing process.
What do you girls think? Have you ever been in this situation before? What did you do?