We’ve all been there: nervously counting down the minutes, second-guessing our every move while we sit and stare at our phones, drafting and deleting different messages that desperately try to sound cute/smart/witty/funny/and everything in between. And let’s be real, most of the time we just wind up sending nothing. What could possibly cause such irrational and ridiculous behavior?
The cute guy on the other end of the line.
When it comes to relationships, many girls like to “play the game.” We ignore a guy to play hard to get or pursue a guy in order to get what we want. Where does this desire to meticulously plan out when to ignore and when to pay attention to someone come from?
From what I’ve learned, it all boils down to one pretty simple idea: We like control. We like the romantic idea of being pursued, but we also feel the need to have control of each and every move that is made. But the hard truth behind the matter is that these two ideas cannot possibly exist at the same time.
Scripture makes it very clear that “the husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing” (Ephesians 5:23 MSG).
Call me old-fashioned, but I am all about the male being the leader and pursuer in a relationship. My favorite part of this verse is “the way Christ does to his church.” Christ pursues the church, the apple of His eye. When I read a verse like this, I can’t help but conclude that the male (the husband) is to pursue the female (the wife).
Having said that, I don’t believe that as females we are supposed to just sit back and do nothing. After all, a relationship is made up of two people, not one. I believe a healthy relationship is full of teamwork and balance.
I think back to my personal love story with my husband and can’t help but smile. I will leave a more detailed story for another time, but the start of it definitely began with a little texting, which seems pertinent to today’s writing.
We were good friends in college and I had gone away for the summer. When I was leaving, he said something like “Let’s stay in touch” and I thought to myself, Yeah, I’m sure that will happen (sarcastically, obviously). To my surprise, a few days into being gone, I got a text from him. I’m sure it was something funny and witty, because humor is definitely one of his strengths. We texted for a bit, but then a few days went by and I hadn’t heard anything from him. I now found myself in the “Should I text him?” predicament! What did I do? I texted him.
Here’s what I learned from that situation: Sometimes guys need a little help and affirmation in their pursuit. Was he the first to initiate conversation? Absolutely. However, I learned that he wanted to make sure I was also interested and therefore my texting him unprompted gave him confirmation of that. Might be silly, but that’s how our dating story began.
One little gold nugget I would like to add to this story is that after a while, we moved on to talking on the phone with each other. Ladies, never make the foundation of your relationship texting. Yes, it’s fun and convenient, but it’s also easy to not fully be yourself behind a text message. You can edit it and send it on your own personal time without ever fully revealing your true self.
Every relationship is different. Every situation is different. So, I can’t give you a blanket answer to this question of “Should I text him?” But I can tell you this: You deserve to be pursued. You deserve a guy to fall head over heels for you and want to do everything he can to talk to you and get to know you. You deserve to be pursued, cherished, loved and respected daily.
Want to get to know the authors, the Kaleidoscope girls (Cammie and Natalie), a bit more? Check them out at their website and on social media!