The popular book and movie He’s Just Not That Into You turned the concept into a storyline. Yet many girls continue to do exactly what the main character does: chase men who aren’t invested in their relationship, who don’t value them for who they are and who, inevitably, leave them brokenhearted.
You’d think we wouldn’t do this to ourselves, but we do. It’s not always intentional; sometimes we chase guys who we think care about us, only to find out they don’t. How do you discern when a guy doesn’t want to invest so you can spend time in better places?
Much of this begins in our own minds and hearts. When our hearts are bent on finding a relationship, or are plagued by discontentment, we tend to overlook serious red flags. By the time we see the warning signals, we’re already invested. This is how loser guys end up with great girls, and how great girls end up with broken hearts.
We need to open our eyes to see the truth about the guys we’re dating and going out with. But more importantly, we need hearts rooted in God’s intentions for us. As we ground ourselves in who God is, and what God is calling us to do with our lives, minds and priorities, we’re less likely to chase after guys who don’t care about us.
It’s not always about desperation, either. Some women pursue relationships with guys who don’t want them because they want to be a “savior.” They think their influence can help him be a better man, so they’re willing to take a back seat (or no seat at all) in his life in order to “help” him grow spiritually. The problem? Only Jesus can save a person. No one’s salvation is dependent upon our words and witness. God is sovereign, and if chasing a guy who doesn’t care about you is causing you to put your relationship with Him on the back burner, it’s time to get out.
How You Win When You Stop Chasing
It might seem as if, when you stop pursuing guys who aren’t interested or aren’t of quality, you’ll be single forever. But which would you rather have: a relationship with a man who doesn’t truly care about you or a relationship you waited for in which the man genuinely wants to be there?
You win when you choose to wait for the best. You win when you trust God’s wisdom and embrace singleness instead of selling yourself short.
If a guy is not showing signs of genuine interest and investment in you, it’s not going to get better with time. If anything, it will get worse. The best thing you can do is put space between you and him until he can decide whether he’s ready to fully invest. Don’t give him the reward of your time and attention without any commitment. There are better guys out there, guys worth your time.
As you move away from men who don’t care and step out in trust of the Lord, you’ll grow in your confidence. This confidence will not only affect your dating life, but will also affect all your decisions. You won’t be making choices around someone’s approval. You’ll make them based on who God is and what He’s calling you to do.
Is it easy to walk away from the guy in front of you? Not always. But it’s worth it. The void he leaves is a space for the man who’s ready for commitment. So stop chasing, and be okay with waiting. God is worthy to be trusted, and good men still exist.