I don’t have any advice about boys or relationships to offer you, but I can tell you my story.
All my life, I’ve been a very happy person. My childhood was not troubled and my parents are the greatest God-fearing, loving parents. God loves me. I have a roof over my head, food on the table and clothes to wear. Basically, I had no reason to become depressed.
It all officially started in December of 2011. My grandpa became sick with lung cancer and we flew out to his state to see him. We stayed for Christmas and through half of January, my grandpa steadily getting worse instead of better. By the time we had left, he was still alive but suffering from shortness of breath and having emergencies every other day.
Being there, although I loved my grandpa, was very hard for me. I would see him suffering daily and family would come over every night for dinner. It was a dark time for everyone.
A few months after we had left, I started to become depressed. I knew I wasn’t fat, but still believed so. I had told a friend that I would never get depressed, but here I was, insecure in who I was and what people thought of me. I was trapped.
You don’t know what its like to be depressed until you’re there. It’s dark, where everything has no hope or joy. You feel unmotivated, sad, and as if no one in the world cares about you. Sometimes, I thought it would just better if it all ended. I told myself the world would be better without me. Though I never attempted anything or cut, I felt dead inside, like this person was not me. I compared myself constantly to other girls who were skinnier, prettier and smarter than me.
I thought I could make myself happy again, so I didn’t tell any of my friends about my depression. Trying to fix it myself is something I try all the time. It never works. Once I told my mom, she told me to pray and gave me scripture to memorize. I’m sorry to say that I didn’t want to memorize it because I felt like it wouldn’t help.
Then, one of my youth leaders at my church youth group announced she was doing a Bible study on true beauty. At this point, I was desperate to get out of being depressed all the time, so my mom signed me up for the Bible study. So far, it’s going good. I feel much better.
Though I know depression will always linger, waiting to tear me down again, I have the power of my mighty Father to help me through. I urge you, if you ever feel as if the devil is trying to bring you down, cry out in the name of Jesus for him to leave. He has no business making one of God’s children depressed!
Just drive him out with Jesus, because the devil cannot stand His name. Trust me, once he latches on and starts feeding you malicious lies, it’s hard to let him go. Self-pity will become your constant companion.
So, girls, do not make the same mistakes I made. Keep the Lord in your heart forever, so that there is no room for the devil and his lies.
By PI girl, Maddie