This Is Why You Think Sex Is Dirty

    If you’re reading this, the title of this post resonated with your spirit. When you think about sex and sexuality, something in you is ashamed, repulsed or scared. Perhaps your past has colored your view of sexuality, or maybe you were never given a sex talk by your parents. Sex is not something to be talked about as a Christian girl, you think; it’s dirty, gross or sinful.

    Many girls think like you do. But do you want to hear a crazy truth? That’s not what God thinks about sex. In fact, nowhere in the Bible is sex talked about in these terms. Instead, sex is celebrated as something special, beautiful and incredible! It’s even commanded of married couples to keep it a priority (1 Corinthians 7:5) and to honor the marriage bed (Hebrews 13:4). And right in the middle of the Bible is an entire book focused on marital sex: Song of Solomon.

    So if God created sex and sexuality and doesn’t look on them with embarrassment, why do we? There are two primary reasons this happens. We’ll start with the first one.


    Our culture

    Western culture is extremely sexualized. We use the term “sexy” to describe everything from lipstick to food. Sex is equated with any level of desirability, and to NOT be sexy is to be unwanted. Many young women launch into adulthood thinking they must objectify themselves to be valued by men. Young men grow up thinking women are things to be acquired, not people to love.

    Media perpetuates this by emphasizing appearance and invoking sexuality in every plot line. Have you noticed that most relationships in today’s TV shows begin after the couple has sex? Our culture portrays sexuality in a way God never designed it to be used. Because we see sex used out of context all around us, we get confused about what is beautiful and what is dirty. As Christians, we know that sex is for marriage alone. Yet the world makes premarital sex seem so amazing, and sex in marriage so…boring.

    The enemy is working overtime to twist our view of sexuality. He wants us to get everything upside down!


    Our church

    Meanwhile, in the church, sex is a taboo topic. This has started to change in the last decade, and for good reason! For too long, sex has been forbidden from Christian conversation. Because young women had no one to talk to about sexuality, they turned to Cosmo magazine and other worldly sources as their authority. But the culture is not a reliable sex ed instructor.

    As the world tells us to let go of our inhibitions and engage in sex however we please, the church tells us rules about sex without the reason behind them. When girls only know sex in the context of shame, they start to view their own sexuality as dirty—even when they’ve done nothing wrong.

    If you view sex as dirty, gross or sinful in and of itself, you’ve bought into the enemy’s lie. Sex is none of these things! Only when we are engaged in sexual sin is shame a factor. But when we view sex as God designed it and live that out daily, there is no place for shame. There is only freedom.


    God celebrates sexuality

    The only times we see sex condemned in Scripture is when it is in the context of sin. And even when we have sexually sinned, there is redemption and hope! Think about the saints who were ancestors of Jesus, our Messiah: Rahab, a prostitute; Tamar, who pretended to be a prostitute; David and Bathsheba, who committed adultery together. None of them deserved the honor of being the Messiah’s ancestors, but God redeemed their sin and brought beauty from it.

    If you’ve never sinned sexually, it’s time to reframe your thinking about sex. God created it. He loves it, when used within His design. And if you have sinned sexually or are struggling with sexual addiction, God offers hope and a new mind to you, too!

    If you need help battling sexual sin, join my free email course for overcoming lust. As someone who walked this road myself, I know how hard it is to see sex as something good. But that’s exactly what it is: something good, beautiful and God-designed. Embracing that mentality is the only way to true sexual freedom.

    Phylicia Masonheimer
    Phylicia Masonheimer
    Phylicia Masonheimer is an author and speaker teaching women how to discern what is true, discuss the deep stuff, and accomplish God's will for their specific lives. She holds a B.S. in Religion from Liberty University, where she met her husband, Josh, and now lives in northern Michigan with her two daughters, Adeline and Geneva.


    1. It’s been awhile since I’ve really commented on this platform (I don’t know why I haven’t received notifications from it lately. I guess aged out of the demographic range.) but I figured I’d throw my two cents into the bucket for any teen or young adult who’s reading this.

      I’m nearly 23 years old. That blissful, ditzy little Christian girl that’s as pure as a baby’s buttocks, or whatever it is they used to preach at my church when I was little. And I regret the fact that I never asked about this stuff. At one point I considered it a blessing that my mom never gave me the “talk” because I hadn’t shown any obvious interest and she just kept pushing it off. I was afraid to ask about it during “girls nights” at youth group because the other girls would giggle and whisper whenever someone else brought things up, and I was afraid they’d do the same to me (which I later discovered that fear would be from a lovely little curse called anxiety, but that’s for another time). Then I waltzed in and out of college without mentioning a word about it because then it would prompt unwanted discussions from my peers, both religious and non.

      Now I’m nearly 23 years old. I work with teenagers, who ask me questions that I don’t have the answers to short of being able to explain the scientific, anatomical aspects. I partially avoid getting into romantic relationships because I’m afraid of my own lack of knowledge, or specifically my lack of knowledge getting taken advantage of. And, in turn, I end up thinking about sex a lot more than is probably healthy because I’m asking these stupid questions in my head that I’m too afraid to find the answer to because I’d long since packed them all into a little box called “taboos” that now has a gaping hole in the side.

      So, I implore all of you who happened to scroll down to the bottom and read the comments, ask questions. Be open to the conversation, particularly with your parents and trusted peers in your community. Heck, talk to a school nurse if you’re afraid to talk to anyone else. They may not be able to give you God’s side of it due to legal reasons, but they’ll at least give you an impartial voice who won’t let your parents or teachers know that you asked unless they think you’re unsafe for any reason. Treat sex as the God-created thing it is and not the disgusting thing that our culture has made it out to be. People may try to convince you that it’s unwarranted and that talking about it is a horrible thing, but take it from me when I say you’re not doing yourself any favors by staying quiet on the subject, especially if you have questions.

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