To the Girl Who’s Scared to Fall in Love

    Girls brought up as children of divorce…girls who’ve been dumped, burned or rejected…girls who’ve been hurt: These girls have reason to be scared. Everything they’ve known tells them that love is a lie and rejection is inevitable. They’re scared to fall in love.

    Though experience speaks loudly, God’s truth is louder still. There is hope for a love that lasts, a covenant that remains unbroken and a safe place for our hearts. But that safe place is only found where Christ is worshiped. Where Jesus is, love is secure.

    So if you’re a girl scared to fall in love, there is hope for you. You can overcome this fear, because God is the one who casts it out. And as you seek His help, remember these three things.


    The Past Does Not Determine Your Future

    What your parents did does not have to be your story.

    The guy who dumped you has no power over your future relationships.

    Your rejection is overwhelmed by the grace of an Almighty, loving God.

    If you speak lies over yourself, you will spend years captive to fear. But if you trust God’s love and design, you can overcome the thoughts of inadequacy and rejection. This is not an easy task! It takes consistency and walking by God’s Spirit in order to do it. But as you continually put trust in God instead of trusting your fears, you will grow in confidence about the future. You will be open to accepting love.


    No Relationship Is a Failure If You Learn Something

    A breakup is not a failed relationship—it’s a learning experience. While it’s very important to honor God in our relationships (especially physically), God is a God of redemption. He is quick to forgive the repentant heart and build up broken things.

    If you see broken relationships as failures, you’ll be tempted to give up. But if you see them as ways to improve and grow, you’ll be protected from bitterness.

    I had three relationships before I met my husband. Each one ended sadly, and one very badly. But I learned through those experiences, and God taught me how I needed to change in order to bring the best of me to my next relationship—the one I now have with my husband.

    Trust God’s redemption, not your fears.


    God’s Timing Is Perfect

    If you’re scared to fall in love, this could be a great time to remain single. If you’re already single, this could be God’s way of helping you let go of these fears and strengthen your character for what lies ahead! Don’t shortchange yourself by giving into the same old thought patterns. Take your thoughts captive and hand them to Christ. Let Him transform your mind—don’t conform it to the cultural values of our day.


    God’s timing is perfect. He will bring about a love story when you’re mature enough to receive one. But even then, you have to walk WITH Him in trust to see that relationship thrive. Fear kills love, but “perfect love casts out fear.” Where God is the center of a relationship, fear and rejection are not possible.

    So trust the only One who has never let you down. Let Him work, be okay with the journey and release yourself to love again.

    Phylicia Masonheimer
    Phylicia Masonheimer
    Phylicia Masonheimer is an author and speaker teaching women how to discern what is true, discuss the deep stuff, and accomplish God's will for their specific lives. She holds a B.S. in Religion from Liberty University, where she met her husband, Josh, and now lives in northern Michigan with her two daughters, Adeline and Geneva.


    1. This is me. While my parents have a great marriage, all I see in the marriages of people close to me is unhappiness and/or divorce. A marriage that lasts seems like luck of the draw. I’ve also been hurt enough in relationships to really not want to open my heart to a deep relationship. I’m saving this article to remind me that God is bigger. Trust is a struggle for me. As always, Phylicia is God’s instrument to speak truth into my life. THANK YOU!

    2. God’s been talking to me again through this site. (He seems to do that a lot, LOL.)
      Thank you. This post really spoke to me. My parents don’t have the best relationship, and a few times Mom admitted sometimes she stayed with him for us kids, but now wasn’t sure it was for the best, because she didn’t want us to think that all marriages were like that… I mean, dad’s not physically abusive or anything, but emotionally and verbally abusive; most days (and not trying to be mean in saying this), I think he has the sympathy of a gnat. He doesn’t go to marriage counseling or anything like that, with or without Mom. So, that’s one reason.
      Second reason is I’ve little experience in the dating department, and the experiences that BTW hardly count for diddly squat haven’t been good. Like at all. In fact, rn dating is probably one of my hugest fears, namely because I don’t want to get taken advantage of/manipulated again. And I’m scared of dating a GOOD guy because of a part of my past; I really, really don’t think I’m worthy enough, and don’t want to risk hurting a person again (especially a nice, godly young man).
      Sooooo…. yeeeeepp.

    3. Thank you… literally tears in my eyes right now– THANK YOU!!! Due to past experiences (personally and observed) I have been scared to fall in love, and scared of what’s going to happen now that I have fallen in love. However I’ve learned that God is in control, and that when we surrender to His perfect will He will show us someone we don’t have to be scared to love– not everyone is like those people that have hurt me. My wonderful boyfriend has done an AMAZING job of helping me to realize it (both by His actions and showing me the “Christ-side” of it)! Not to mention I’m starting to feel more and more like that verse you quoted, 1 John 4:18, is a good verse to sum up our relationship =) Again, thank you SO MUCH for this post!!!

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