Wouldn’t it be nice if guys always did what we wished? If they weren’t so unpredictable, or took the time to know what we love? Unfortunately, guys aren’t robots – they are human just like us! They can’t fulfill the unspoken expectations we have, and they shouldn’t have to. However, if they could read the desires of a girl’s heart, they might be surprised by what they found.
There are four things many Christian girls want from their relationship but don’t know how to vocalize. Some of these you may identify with, some you may not, but either way may they be a jumping off point for consideration and conversation.
“I want to be loved, but I also want to be respected.”
There have been some great relationship books written about the differences between men and women and how they receive love. One in particularly popularized the idea that men crave respect and women crave love. While there’s something to these stereotypes (or the book would not be so successful), women don’t only need love, just as men don’t only need respect. Every human needs both. Guys would do well to remember that women need to be respected as much as they need to be loved, and that true love will always result in respect. Ephesians 5 shows us this parallel.
“Your personal relationship with God matters – a lot.”
If a guy doesn’t take his relationship with God seriously, talking to a Christian girl should be a dead end road for him. Sadly, so many Christian girls don’t value themselves enough to see unequal yoking for what it is. They think it’s up to them to save a guy who doesn’t care about God. What a guy should know (and Christian girls should say) is that relationship with God is the foundation for true love. It’s how we know what love is and how to walk it out. When you remove the foundation of faith, you remove the very thing necessary for a relationship if eternal unity, peace, and impact. So what does that look like? Is he pursuing the Lord? Is he accountable to a faith community? Is he growing in his desire for God?
“Don’t expect me to be the one always enforcing physical boundaries.”
It takes two to tango. It’s not up to the girl to set all the boundaries, have the DTR (Define the Relationship), say “no”, enforce curfews, and yet this is what happens in many dating relationships! Physical standards are a two-way street rooted in a love for God and His holiness. If a guy isn’t making an effort to preserve purity of heart and body in your relationship, it’s probably time to step back from that relationship. He should have the same level of conviction about the boundaries as you.
“I admire when you seek out godly friends and mentors, even if it means less time with me.”
Letting your significant other spend time elsewhere when you want to be with them is a sacrifice. However, for a relationship to thrive you need outside relationships with godly people. A woman who loves the Lord will see the efforts made by her guy to have great people in his life – and she’ll appreciate it. Finding those mentors can take work. Both girl and guy should have them! In my own relationship, I have found that each time I prayed for a godly partner or mentor (for myself and my husband) God has always come through. This has always brought me great confidence and comfort to see my husband so well-advised.
What else would you want guys to know?