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What Should I Do If My Boyfriend Doesn’t Agree With My Choices Or Beliefs?

If you care about someone, you often want his/her approval. However, you won’t always agree with everyone in your life, including the person that you’re dating. When disagreements emerge, it can become a very stressful time. So what do you do when your beliefs conflict with your boyfriend’s beliefs?

Well, no one’s beliefs should come before the Word of God.

God is the ultimate authority on ALL things and He readily shares His expectations through the Holy Bible. Make sure that, whatever your decisions are, you have read what God has to say about them. If you aren’t sure where to find information in the Bible about a specific situation, please seek guidance from your parents, your pastor, a Bible study teacher, or any other adult who is knowledgeable about God.

Also, be sure to pray about the situation because God WILL reveal Himself to you if you ask Him. The Bible says this:

If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you (James 1:5).

Be sure to keep in mind that God establishes order to prevent chaos. The Bible tells women to obey God first. He then instructs wives to submit to their husbands.

No, this does NOT mean that women are to be doormats to their husbands. Rather, it means that wives should honor and respect their HUSBANDS.

The point is, there’s nothing in the Bible about submitting to boyfriends. Until you’re married, your focus should be on submitting to God, and of course your parents while you’re in their home.

God establishes order for a reason and it’s important that His children stay within this parameter.

With that said, I also know that your relationship with your boyfriend is important, and that’s completely understandable. So here are five tips to approaching touchy topics:

  • Pray. Pray about your relationship and ask God to reveal to you what direction you should take. If your boyfriend is truly who God has in store for your future, God will reveal Himself to both of you. You might even want to try praying together.
  • Talk it out. Sit your boyfriend down and share with him how you’re feeling. Be honest and straightforward, but remember to be loving in your approach.
  • Set boundaries. Be empathetic and loving, but also be firm about your expectations in the relationship. YOU decide what factors are absolute essentials and what issues are negotiable for YOU. Share your essential and negotiable items with your boyfriend and don’t waver from your beliefs.
  • Listen. Share your thoughts with your boyfriend but also take the time to listen to his viewpoint. Don’t stray from your essentials but consider his points regarding negotiable items. Remember, a relationship involves TWO people.
  • Re-evaluate the relationship. If your boyfriend loves God and loves you, then he’ll want to see you happy. However, if the two of you are unable or unwilling to come to a happy (and Godly) medium, then perhaps it’s time to reconsider if this is the right relationship for you.

Do you have any more tips?

Image: Stockbyte | Veer

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18 Comments

  1. Project Inspired

    Posted by mcsnowball on December 13, 2011 at 12:38

    This will be really helpfull when I start dating. I’ve always wondered what you do if you find out your boyfriend doesn’t belive in God, and how you handled it. But they you said it makes it sound really easy.

  2. Project Inspired

    Posted by Ann Marie on December 11, 2011 at 14:58

    Talk to a close trusted adult

  3. Project Inspired

    Posted by luvJesusInHeavn on December 11, 2011 at 11:54

    Thank you! I want to love someone who shows understanding and love, and who loves God as much as I do!

  4. Project Inspired

    Posted by onedirection4ever on December 11, 2011 at 10:01

    Great advice! But girls please remember that you can’t change a boy, only God can. So don’t date a non-Christian thinking that you can change him, because you can’t. Only God can. And you’ll just end up getting hurt. 🙂

    If a guy is trying to push you to have sex, break up with him. He’s not worth it. If he can’t respect your values and YOU then he won’t respect your body. He’ll use you.

    Please, don’t date non-Christians. You won’t be able to change them. Only God can! Don’t make that mistake! 🙂

    • Project Inspired

      Posted by Stephy_TheBoss on December 12, 2011 at 09:55

      🙂 great advice. Guys would ask me out and i just had to say no.:( There was a guy that started coming to our church(praise god! it was like his first time at a church)and he asked me out. He was funny and talkative, but he still had all his issues with his family and didn’t seem like god was in his life yet. I said no. 🙁 but i think he realized that girls aren’t the only thing in the world. We both got baptized this year, along with a lot of other kids and adults.( which is a blessing for our little church.)

  5. Project Inspired

    Posted by CheyenneK on December 11, 2011 at 06:42

    Amen. And if the boy isn’t a Christian, don’t even start a relationship. You’ll do one of two things; get into a missionary relationship, or get into an unhappy one. In missionary relationships, many times, motives need to be re-evaluated. Are you trying to convert him for yourself, or for God? Unhappy ones are just self-explanitory.
    2 Corinthians 6:14,15 also tells us not to be unequally yoked with non-believers. It refers to marriage, but in a relationship, love can often occur and marriage can be considered. Ultimately, you don’t want to date a guy who, Biblically, you should not marry. And in this case, dating for experience is especially not good. Normally I believe it is not as well, but here, you would be dating a guy you could not marry. That gives a piece of yourself away emotionally, and it’s really just stringing the other person along.

  6. Project Inspired

    Posted by schmitzha on December 10, 2011 at 21:36

    Thank you so much for this article! Just a few minutes ago I was having a conflict with my boyfriend about our differences in our churches. He believes that the women in the church should where hats. I wasn’t raised on having to where a hat in church so I don’t understand. He says it’s written in the bible but I still don’t understand why that should be a rule for women.

    • Project Inspired

      Posted by Paperclip on December 12, 2011 at 09:58

      Haha, there are some really conservative churches out there. I know a man who was raised in a Christian church where the women couldn’t even say anything while in the church (and I thought my church was conservative)! But, he fell in love with one of my friends and his view has kind of been changed a bit by her and our church. They got married recently… but anyway, their beliefs are a bit different; it’s all about interpretation. There is no such thing as a “perfect” denomination.

  7. Project Inspired

    Posted by 1_artist on December 10, 2011 at 21:12

    This is very helpful and practical information. I like this article. Too many girls go to extremes just to please their boyfriends, and some even take abuse because they ‘love their boyfriend’ or believe that their boyfriend loves them–it’s a little different when a girls feels trapped or threatened. I’m not an expert on this, but if someone is making you do things against your conscience, they’re not showing love. If they are doing that, let them know and see if you both can work it out. If not, then they may not be right for you. I want a boyfriend–and then a husband–who shows love and understanding.
    Also, the Lord told us not to marry anyone outside of our faith, and we should not let romantic love make us do that (even if it’s a Catholic and a Baptist for example, because their beliefs conflict, and it affects their children if they decide to have any).

    • Project Inspired

      Posted by Paperclip on December 12, 2011 at 09:55

      To comment on a small point (speaking of conflicting beliefs), I don’t think it’s really that much of an issue if, say, a Catholic marries a Baptist. Personal beliefs are always going to differ, but what really matters is that we believe in and have a relationship with God/Jesus. Just my view :)I mean, so much stress is put on denominations nowadays and you know, it’s frustrating. I go to a pretty much Baptist church, although I lean more towards Nazarene, and just some comments that I’ve heard about other denominations really bother me. (Sorry, didn’t mean to go off on a tangent. And please don’t take this wrong, it’s just my opinion.)

      • Project Inspired

        Posted by RachelMarie on December 12, 2011 at 18:32

        I think it depends on the people, really. There are some Catholics who could handle being married to a Baptist, and they would be totally fine and have a happy marriage. Then there are some who wouldn’t be able to because of the small differences. With something as big as religion, the couple needs to bring everything out into the open and really discuss whether or not they’re okay with it.

  8. Project Inspired

    Posted by Nisa on December 10, 2011 at 20:13

    God before boyfriend….always….because God will bring the right man to you.

  9. Project Inspired

    Posted by Lilly1227 on December 10, 2011 at 20:06

    I set down rules for my boyfriend, and told him that if he didn’t agree to follow them, because thats how I want to be respected, then he doesn’t have the right to date me.

  10. Project Inspired

    Posted by purple247 on December 10, 2011 at 19:46

    If you’re a Christian and the guy you like isn’t a Christian, don’t even go there, trust me I have experienced the heartache first hand because of my parents. My mom is a Christian and my dad wasn’t one and they used to get into huge arguments…well they still do.

  11. Project Inspired

    Posted by Amy on December 10, 2011 at 19:02

    Great advice! I’ll definitely think back on this, when I start dating 🙂 Thank you for sharing!

  12. Project Inspired

    Posted by BlossomWings on December 10, 2011 at 18:24

    OMGOSH!!! I just went through this with my ex! He was pretty much atheist, but i didn’t know that at first. When I found out, I was really troubled. I LOVE God, and it broke my heart to find out that he didn’t even care for him. I prayed and asked God to reveal to me what I should do. God used 3 ways.
    -My mom
    -My friends (some told me I deserved better, and he constantly flirted with one of them)
    -and through my own heart conviction.
    I had been really upset and feeling down about myself. It took me a while but eventually I realized I was comprising my beliefs and self value for my ex. No guy is worth that, so I broke up with him. Lately, I had been thinking of going back to him, but reading this article just reminded me of all the unneccasary drama and insecurities he brought. Thanks ssooooooooo much! 🙂 <3
    ~Lots of Love

  13. Project Inspired

    Posted by KristenLovesJesus on December 10, 2011 at 17:54

    This is excellent, I am in a long term relationship and we had this problem a couple of years ago. Of course the desire is there, but we have to be strong and respectful of each other’s choices. Perfect tips here! They work much better than the offended fit I threw at first. Praying helps so much! And Talking with him and listening to him too, especially because the pressure isn’t just from being in a close relationship, there’s also peer pressure and the entertainment industry’s pressure. Once you understand the other person’s reasoning, it’s so much easier to work it out. 🙂 Safe to say we got past this and I still intend on waiting and he wants to wait for me. <3 I wish this article was around a couple of years ago. 🙂 God loves you and will help you through anything, even if your boyfriend decides he'd rather be with someone who wants to give it up, He will be there to comfort you, and bring you someone even better! 🙂

  14. Project Inspired

    Posted by BeccaBunneh98 on December 10, 2011 at 16:59

    This is great advice! Girls should also think about whether God and their parents would approve their decisions. God is watching you. Would he be proud of what you are doing? Are these the choices God would want you to make? Would you be able to tell your parents what you are doing?