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Inspiration

What to Do When You and Your BFF Have a Crush on the Same Guy

Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. (Romans 12:2)

Imagine this conversation: your best friend is talking about her new crush and mentioning how sweet he is and how she could gaze into his eyes forever. It only takes a few minutes before she says his name, and your heart sinks to the pit of your stomach. You and your BFF–who are used to sharing everything–are into the same guy! Obviously you can’t share a boyfriend, so what do you do?

If you remember in our article How to Know When It’s Time to Move on From Your Crush, I mentioned this scenario as a reason that you might want to move on. That doesn’t have to be the case in every circumstance where you and your friend are falling for the same brown-eyed beau. It’s the world’s way to fight over someone, or to break a friendship over what you think isn’t fair. Dating is not a competition, especially with your sisters in Christ, so I encourage you to seek after God’s heart to do what is noble and acceptable to Him.

Here are four ways you can deal with having the same crush as your BFF.

1. Talk about it. It can be awkward or intimidating, but avoiding the topic altogether and not letting your friend know that you are attracted to someone she is smitten with could lead to resentment down the line if they do end up dating. I’ve known women that will try to break a relationship apart and find reasons why they shouldn’t be together because of her jealousy.

2. Decide together. You may be surprised that when you bring up your feelings to your friend, she’s more than willing to move on to someone else. She might even encourage it because she’s the type to set her feelings aside for the sake of your happiness. Whether you become his girlfriend or not, having her honest support will help to keep your friendship strong. If you decide to be the one who moves on, have a genuine heart backing up your decisions to ensure that there are no hard feelings down the line.

And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them. (Luke 6:31)

3. Wait it out. It can be very difficult to decide what to do at first, especially if you’ve invested your feelings in this guy for quite some time. Both of you may think that you deserve to have him as your boyfriend, but the truth of it is he may only like one of you, or he may have his eyes on someone else altogether. Rather than you both deciding prematurely who should pursue him or that neither of you should, you can simply wait to see if his interest is piqued in a certain direction. That way he can do the deciding for you.

4. Pray about it. This should be done in every case, and the Lord will ultimately lead you to making the right choice. God may tell you to talk with your friend, move on, pursue this guy, or to wait and see if your feelings about him are mutual.

I bet you ladies have some great additional advice for this scenario. We’d love to hear from you, so let’s see those comments!

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5 Comments

  1. Project Inspired

    Posted by AmberGrace on October 31, 2015 at 22:09

    This is what happened with me and my best friend the guy went to my youth group and I had liked him for a couple years…I never really had the courage to talk to him because I have always been really shy. so my best friend recently started going to my youth group and she texts me saying that she thinks he’s really cute…now I normally I never tell anybody who I like cuz, it sounds dumb but every time I do he (the guy I like) always gets a girlfriend… every time!so I just never tell people anymore. So anyways I tell her I think he’s cute too and have liked him for a while. And than we go to this haunted hay ride with are youth group and me him and her all hang out there (This just happened this moth btw) And he is all over her. That night he asks for her number…They were texting all night (I was sleeping over her house). That morning she shows me the texts. They were flirting till 2 in the morning. My heart was broken…I never felt so dumb in my life. Why did I think this guy was going to be different. She told me she felt bad and that she was sorry. I said it was okay because she’s my bestfriend and I want to be happy for her. But the pain never went away… now recently just yesterday she texts me they have had their first kiss I’m shocked. (They are dating now). The pain still hasn’t gone away and I’m still sick just thinking about it…Am I a bad friend?… I want to be happy for her, But now when I see him I have to walk away because I feel so dumb and uncomfortable…. although I still want to be friends with him…I still get upset I cant do it, it still hurts really bad. and have caused me to be depressed and sad…I have been depressed now about a year…but these past maybe two months, since I have been going to school have been very bad and the than that adding on to it has made it worse for me. I have never talked about this since it has happened and don’t normally do this but it feels good to get it off my plate for once.

    • mimiroland123

      Posted by mimiroland123 on September 4, 2017 at 12:23

      There is nothing wrong with the way you’re feeling. I am sure anyone put in that situation would feel a bit awkward and definitely hurt. I recently had the same thing happen to me. I didn’t tell my friend I liked her crush because I didn’t want it to ruin our friendship so I kept it in my head. Of course, I did feel bad because he and I talked a little but I made sure that my friend knew we were talking and asked her permission. I really thought he liked me back for a while. But after a while I found out he didn’t. SO, I just forgot him. I didn’t respond to his text or his snapchat and by no means was I trying to hurt his feelings, but I knew things needed to end. I was a big hurt when he ended up liking her and it is hard to be around them sometimes because the feelings come back. But I know that if it were meant to be, he would’ve liked me. And obviously he didn’t so it makes it easier for me to get over him. I completely relate and I am so sorry you’re going through this. Just try to have a different mindset….”If he doesn’t like me, I am not gonna waste my time with him”. God has a great guy out there for you. He might not reveal him to you when you want him to, but it’ll be worth the wait! Praying for you! Seek the Lord above all!

  2. Project Inspired

    Posted by readingclaygirl on October 26, 2015 at 18:30

    Back in the 7th grade when I had my first crush, I thought one of my friends(who is now one of my best friends ) liked the same guy because she always hung around his locker and talked to him. So I asked her. She didn’t, they were just long time friends. The funny thing is we were recently talking and it turns out she liked this guy, shortly after I did. For both of us, he was our biggest crush ever. I guess I asked because despite knowing nothing about dating, I thought it was wrong to like the same guy as a friend. I realize now that you really can’t control those feelings, just how you act on them.

  3. ktuck22

    Posted by ktuck22 on October 25, 2015 at 12:16

    Funny, I thought this would happen a lot throughout my life. But I’m 17 and this has never seriously been an issue for me or my friends XD

  4. martial_artist_for_Jesus

    Posted by martial_artist_for_Jesus on October 21, 2015 at 18:54

    Ho boy… hit me right in the feels….:/