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    What’s the Point?? By PI Girl, Tatiana

    What is love to you? Why do you really want a boyfriend? The only reason I did was to say I had one. I mean, everybody else had a boyfriend, why couldn’t I have one? I was pretty, so I felt like I deserved one, basically.

    In eighth grade I rushed to get the first guy to tell me he liked me. I felt like we had a good relationship. We held hands down the hallway, we kissed and he bought me things. Eventually though, I found out something that divested me for a while. It turns out he only dated me to make my best friend jealous. Instead of being mad at him, I was angry at her and we ended up fighting. I lost that fight and I felt dumb afterwards.

    I wish I could say I learned my lesson. Yes, the girl and I are best friends still. Yes, that guy and I no longer talk, but I was still hurt.

    I ended up falling for the next guy who claimed he liked me. Only this time, we ended up being “friends with benefits.” I learned eventually there is no real benefit. He flirted with other girls in my face, but I couldn’t say anything because I felt since we weren’t together, it wasn’t my place to say anything. We were like this for a year, so you can say I really got attached, to the point I thought I loved this guy. Well, in my 10th grade year, he got caught with a female by a teacher and ended up getting expelled. So I was forced to “get over him” (as my “friends” put it).

    You would think I would have learned my lesson then. I actually found myself searching for a “replacement.” I met another guy and after two weeks we had sex. I felt bad and asked God to forgive me. I vowed to never do it again. One day, I heard these freshmen saying he had an STD. I texted him and asked him about it and he basically brushed me off. I got tested and it came out that I was clear. I found myself texting him and apologizing. That day we ended up having sex again. Once again I found myself asking God to forgive me.

    I know what you’re thinking: “Will you ever get it?” Actually, this time, I was determined to live like Christ. I went back to church, got involved in ministry and surrounded myself with godly people. Daily I’m asking God to take these people out of my soul. I vowed to not have sex again until marriage. Now I’m in the 11th grade going on my 5th month of celibacy. I’m not even dating this year because I’m so focused on God’s purpose for my life.

    I’m saying all of this just to say that who you date now will affect your future. Boys will always be there when you graduate. Don’t let these boys take you off your focus. If you are a virgin reading this, ask God to keep you daily, because it really is a struggle. If you are not a virgin, I also encourage you to ask God to forgive you, help you move on and ask Him to keep you. It is no joke out here. The struggle is real! Focus on knowing who you are as a person, before you even think about dating. Also ask yourself: “Why do I want a boyfriend?”

    Written by PI Girl, Tatiana

    PI Contributor
    We love to get your article submissions! Nicole reads every single one of them. Send your submissions here.

    61 COMMENTS

    1. Just because dating didn’t work out for this one person doesn’t mean everyone should rule it out. There’s nothing wrong with dating; it’s a perfectly normal part of growing up. Frankly, I don’t think many high school guys…or college guys, for that matter…are worth it, but you shouldn’t just hide behind your purity rings and hope God will drop the perfect guy in your lap. That’s a long wait for train that isn’t coming.

      • It’s not about whether or not God will drop the “perfect guy” in your lap. It’s about trusting that God has a plan for you and when the time is right, you will meet the RIGHT guy for you. I personally think dating is unnecessary, as it shouldn’t be needed to discern someone’s character.

      • “You shouldn’t hide behind your purity rings and hope God will drop the perfect guy in your lap . That’s a long wait for a train that isn’t coming.”
        I’m sorry but that sounded like you were under estimating what God can do or that was probably just me.I’m waiting for God to send me the right guy.So I’m “waiting” for that “train” cause I know that it’s worth it and He will send me someone who will meet my expectations and higher.I don’t want to date someone else’s future husband as I see it cause I don’t want someone doing that to mine!I’m sure my future husband doesn’t want me kissing guys and tossing I love you around or anything like that.I rather wait and save my first everything for him. The “train” may not come today or tomorrow but I KNOW it will come when God thinks I’m ready.I’m not ready to date at all.With out a doubt spiritually or emotionally and i’m in the age-range of when kids start dating.This has NOTHING to do with Tatiana’s post.I’ve known this for a while now that i’m not ready and no I’m not ruling it out at all.I’m just saving it for later and I want my husband to have my whole heart.Not 1/4 of it.And vice versa. If you or someone else wants to date then okay that’s their choice but for me i’m going to let God handle that.I’m going to let Him write the most perfect love story for me cause in the end He always knows what’s best for me.So I am gladly waiting on the train.And this purity ring will be a reminder that it’s well worth it.

        • I’m just saying sometimes you need to do things for yourself. Sometimes you need to approach a guy you’re interested in. Sometimes you need to make the first move. I’m not saying, “Date a bunch of guys until you find the right one.” I just think it’s silly to just sit there and wait for God to do it for you. I really don’t think it works like that. I’m sure He’ll help you find the right one if your eyes are open and not just staring at your feet. Maybe he’ll find you first, maybe you’ll find him first. Who knows?! (God does, but no one can really be sure what He intends). I mean, Ruth proposed to Boaz, for goodness sake!

        • I agree with all three of you. I think you can date around but don’t get attached. You almost definitely won’t get married to them. And while it may have seemed she was underestimating God, I kind of agree with her. Sometimes God’s plan is for you to do a little work to get to the end. If you just sit around and turn guys away completely, nothing is ever going to happen. But truthfully, if God wants you to work, you’ll do it and not even know. Just follow God’s plan!

        • @BeStillAndBreath98 I agree 100%!! I have a purity ring also and I am agreeing to stay pure and wait for that special guy that God gives me! 🙂

        • Oh man…I was reading this entire post and I couldn’t agree more. With every statement I was nodding my head in agreement. VERY well said. I applaud your efforts as I have the same ones myself. God WILL provide the RIGHT guy for each and every one of us who trust in his perfect plan. I encourage any girl who reads this to create a list of traits that they want in a man and sit back and be blown away when God exceeds all your expectations. 😉

      • THANKS GOD! someone has sense! this person clearly knows what she’s talking about! i agree with MsJael1915 this is so clear on what REALITY is …. You be the miracle and find the one God has for you! dont just sit and expect some guy to come to you.. i learned that the hard way… you’re never gonna know if a guy is christian unless you’re social and outgoing and get to know a guy! thanks GOD, SOMEONE HAS A BRAIN!

    2. It used to be hard for me, I wanted boys to like me the way they liked my best friend. But then I noticed how my friends were constantly breaking up only to find new guys a few days later. I’ve been praying, and I realized I want to do courtship. I can honestly say I am NOT looking for a guy. I’m just focusing on living life. I recently had a purity ceremony this summer, and it was one of the most amazing things ever! Every time I see my purity ring I think of my promise to God, myself, my family, and my future spouse. It’s worth the wait, I promise ♥

      • It’s really great that you’re focusing on you, rather than superficial relationships. You don’t need a man or a relationship to establish your own identity or live a wonderful, fulfilling life. However, I really don’t think courtship is necessarily the best path…though it really depends on how you go about it. I understand that it’s about forming lasting relationships, rather than going on a few dates, messing around, and changing your mind later. I just don’t agree with the heavy involvement a lot of women grant their fathers, rather than being their own women and making their own choices. I’m not really sure if all courtship works this way, but that’s the sense I’m getting from most courters and wearers of purity rings. Please correct me if I’m mistaken.

        Again, I really think it’s great that you’re taking your romantic life seriously and guarding your heart until you believe you’re ready to let someone inside in such a meaningful way.

        • @MsJael915 what’s cool about any kind of courtship or relationship is that it is totally customizable. There is no set rule book stating how much your parents have to be involved (although I encourage you to involve your parents/guardians in your relationship with a man). No two people are alike therefore no two people have the same exact circumstances; which is why a “set of rules or standards” for courtship wouldn’t do us girls much good. 🙂
          But I totally agree with waiting until God sends that special someone to you rather than going and looking him yourself.

    3. I don’t, haha. Guys are my best friends, so I don’t see a need to overcomplicate things. My best friend, a pretty, popular socialite, got her first boyfriend in eight grade. Enter the era of sobbing phone calls of that he cheated on her, or he was going to far…seventeen in a week. She’s had tons of boyfriends. No surprise about me not wanting one even in high school there.

    4. This is such a wonderful post!! I get down a lot because I don’t have a boyfriend but then I realize that it is kind of stupid to date during high school and college. Number one, I am too young to get involved in anything too serious. Number two, I realize that it is dumb to date someone if you’re not going to marry them one day. Like what’s the point if you know you’re going to break up in a few months? I have had a couple of boyfriends and have done things I’m not proud of (I’m still a virgin though lol) but I know now that I shouldn’t have done what I did and I pray that God will forgive me. I’m still waiting for God to send me the right person,even if he doesn’t show up tomorrow or next month or even next year. I’m gonna stay true to God and try not to worry about having a boyfriend.

    5. Even if my boyfriend and I aren’t going to last, I feel this is a man who God is telling me to be with for a reason. And I’ve learned so much from it. Don’t just date any guy, listen for God’s whisper!

    6. This was an awesome encouraging post. I can’t imagine how many girls this inspired to not date right now. You were completely honest, and May God bless you! Because this really encouraged me! Knowing how valuable and precious our hearts need to be taken care of, only one person can do that and that’s God. No man could ever love us like he does. Praise him! Bravo Sista!

    7. for the longest time i moved from one crush to the other and i realized there’s nothing wrong with not liking a guy…. so i told myself “the next time i fall it’ll be while catching someone else” that turned out to be false because i know this guy has a crush on me and i wanted so desperately for someone to like me. then i realized he’s nothing like the man i want and I can say I’m not interested and try not to hurt his feelings. It feels good to finally let go and wait for the guy that’ll meet up to ALL of my expectations. believe it or not, relationships are NOT based on compromise because if you’re in a relationship with the right person, neither of you will need to compromise

      • Um…everyone has flaws, so if you’re waiting for Mr. Perfect, you’re going to be lonely for a loooong time. Relationships are about loving someone so much that you can overlook the little things that drive you nuts.

      • Love is sacrifice on both of your parts. If neither of you are wanting to change for another, then you can just forget a relationship in general. Nobody’s perfect and we all make mistakes. 🙂

        • what i meant was that i wasn’t gonna settle for someone when there’s someone better, i want to find the guy that makes me see past his flaws. relationships, as said in a different article on this website, are not just love for each other, but mutual love for God. i didn’t say that love wasn’t sacrifice i was saying you shouldn’t compromise what you believe in just because you want a guy… that’s all

    8. Hey girlies,
      it’s so great to read every ones posts Such a an inspiration dating can be super tricky with the pressure of this world ( highschool :/) ..I personally have never dated.. My advice on dating is before u do start dating dnt make any rash decisions
      first take time to pray about it ask God to reveal his will
      check ur heart are u wanting to date just to fit in ..(furfill ur own desires) or is this somthing Gods calling u to do?
      also if u do date definetly date a guy with a strong foundation… (walking with the Lord)
      cause then if he’s truley walking with God he
      to will want to stay pure 🙂 eighther way no need to rush.. God has a prince charming waiting for each one of us
      🙂

    9. aww thank you for those words i always wanted a boyfriend since my friends had one ..so i did i got one he wanted to have sex with me but thank god he was with me and i fanlliy told him no im a christain and i respesent god i dont have sex until marriage… i vowed to my self i wont have a boyfriend until i finish high schooll becux they wwill be a guy for me out there …i do have guys friend we have fun and we play around but im not gonna date at this age until im readdy ! GOOD FOR YOU GURL GOD WILL FORGIVE UU AND HE WILL BE WITH UU ALL TIME

    10. it would be cool to hear a story about someone actually successfully keeping their v card until marriage because truthfully i dont think i heard such a thing yet. and of the struggles that come with it, too.

      • You can be good friends with him, and he could be your brother in Christ. He may or may not be your future husband someday, but it is wonderful to find a boy who respects Jesus. Take it slow, and just focus on developing a strong friendship with him. You are lucky to have a newfound brother in Christ; maybe God is willing you to be together someday 🙂

    11. I don’t feel that dating is the best choice for me. At least not society’s translation of it. I plan to date with the intention of deciding if a guy is the right one to marry. And my family will be very involved in my relationships. Since this is my senior year, and I don’t know God’s plan for my life, I am working on preparing myself for marriage in every way I can, especially by working on my relationship with God. But I am not ruling out ‘dating’, because I believe that it is okay to date if you think that you might see yourself married within a few years.

      I agree that dating in your younger years is pointless. I’ve watched my best friend get hurt time after time because she didn’t have the good judgement to date guys who would seriously care for her. She got no lasting enjoyment out of it, and neither did she advance in finding the right type of guy for her. She became seriously depressed at one point, and I believe it could have been avoided by her not dating until she was ready.

      When is one ready? I’m not sure. I think it’s different for everyone. I believe I’m ready now. I’ve found that I’m ready to commit to relationships (especially friendships and my relationship with God), and I think have my priorities straight. I am also willing to say no. And I think that’s important too.

    12. True that! I really dislike high school relationships because 90% of the time, they don’t last. And it’s like everyone tells you, “you need to have a boyfriend to fit in” so to speak. My opinion, focus on God, school, and friendships, then let God send your man at HIS timing. besides, I want to make the most of the opportunity of being single. I know that I am not ready for a relationship at this age anyways…and neither is all the guys I would want to date. I wanna wait till i’m older, more ready, and just have fun being a single right now! Then I wont have to constantly worry about getting guys to like me. That reminds me of something. Most girls want guys to like them, but think about this: “I don’t want guys to like me, I want the right guy to like me.” This is key! Be yourself, and don’t wear your heart on your sleeve. Just wait for the right guy instead of jumping in and out of relationships. That causes so much heart ache.
      So in my opinion, dating can be fun at the moment, but most of the time, you end up making decisions that you regret. So, just don’t date until you feel your ready for it.

    13. Ok so I went on my first date just this week and I am a fifteen year old freshman going to a Christian school. Everyone is telling me ‘if you aren’t getting married, then what is the point of even dating so young?’ I feel guilty for having a boyfriend now after reading several of these posts….but I really like this guy! I can’t decide if I am doing the right thing or not. But after going through several family issues, just having a boyfriend makes me feel wanted……and I love that feeling. Any suggestions?

    14. I agree with this. There is also a small chance you’ll get married to someone you’re going out with in high school, middle school, or even elementary! My little brother said people “go out” in elementary school. I would rather wait to know FOR SURE that God has the right one for you instead of going for a cute or nice guy. Pray about it 🙂

    15. I do like this guy who is a really strong Christian and seems to be a good guy. I know next to nothing about him, but I do know that if God wants the two of us together, or if he wants me with someone else, he will find a way to do this, so I gave Jesus the wheel and said start driving. I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I do know that it’s not in my hands anymore and I can just admire (or stalk) at a distance. It will be hard, but I know that God has a plan for me boy wise, and I know that he will show me that path eventually.

    16. I agree, but I think dating in high school is okay. My own situation is very unique though 🙂 My best guy friend and I had known each other since the 6th grade and our sophmore year we decided to “date” but it was probably more like courting. We held hands sometimes but even after dating for over a year we had never kissed or anything like that. My best guy friend moved to another state and eventually we broke up but we’re still really really close. Anyway, my point is that I don’t see anything wrong with dating in high school as long as you both understand the lines you will not cross, keep your focus on the Lord, and have the mutual goal of just becoming closer. I 10000% agree that you shouldn’t just date for the sake of having a boyfriend.

    17. Amen! Im in 8th grd,in 6th grd I wanted bf sbc everyone else had one. 2 boys asked me out repetively. But I kept saying no for 2 reasons 1.scared of heartbreak or that it was a joke 2.i knew God would clue me in if he was the guy. Plus,im in middle school..enough said there. In 7th grd I decided not date in high school. People told me id change my mind,im not though.

    18. In 6th grade i went to AWANA at my church. In our books they talked about how kids get into relationships and they dont mean anything so i vowed not to date till i was 16. I am now 16 1/2 amd i have yet to date at all. I am looking for a guy to date but onlt a Christian guy. There is one in my youth groul that i like and everyone (including my youth leaders) think that we will get married one day. So i guess my point is that you could marry your childhood sweetheart like i hope to oneday. But i also agree with your post about dating im high school. So now i have to make the decision if i want to go ahead and date gim or wait till we are both older. So thank you for helpong to open my eyes to other possibilities.

    19. ~** Amen, sista!! FINALLY, an intelligent female who agrees with me. You keep that mindset lady, that’ll take you places. Its really dumb how people believe that dating solves everything. Im so glad we are those few who see past the ignorance :)) **~~

    20. I agree with this, esp.the last paragraph. Its so important to stay pure, its just very difficult in the generation. I learned (with experience) I need to just really have my relationship with God and to have friends and leaders to help you along the way!

    21. I’m just putting it out there, and I love PI, but frankly not everyone gets married. Everyone acts like they need a man. Look at the strong role models we have. Condoleeza Rice, Susan B. Anthony and Jane Austen. The bible doesn’t say you have to get married.

    22. Yes! I am 14 and get laughed at because this guy wants to date me but I told him no because God told me not too. I’ve never dated anybody and I don’t want to because I don’t need someone to love because I have God. I’ve made so many vows to God that I am determined to keep. It’s good to know that someone understands my promises.

    23. Thank you for your testimony, Tatiana.
      A lot of girls like you have told me their regrets about how far they went with guys at a young age and although my temptations pressure me everyday, I remember the advice and wisdom given to me from other girls and I pray that God will allow me to enjoy my sexuality when the time is right.
      “Why do I want a boyfriend?”
      It’s really just a pressure thing because EVERYONE- and I literally mean everyone- dates. I know of a few girls who aren’t even up to my level of advances (holding hands, dating- little things like that), but for the most part, most everyone has had their first kiss and several of my classmates have also had sex. In my sophomore year of high school, the pressure to advance sexually is everywhere from my peers, my classmates, my friends, my family, the media- I can’t avoid it!
      But once again, I pray for strength from God that I can stay pure until I know it is time.

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