Friendships can get weird when you start dating. Perhaps you invite your bestie to be a third wheel or go on a double date, depending on her own relationship situation. It might go well at first, but as time wears on, you get that uneasy sense that something is left unsaid. Finally, the truth comes out: Your best friend doesn’t like your boyfriend. What do you do?
1. Discuss why she doesn’t like your boyfriend.
As simple as this sounds, it’s never an easy conversation. Prepare for it if you can. Learn to control your emotions and choose to listen before speaking; this will reduce conflict.
This discussion should have a goal: to discover why your friend doesn’t like your boyfriend. There are a few reasons why she could be irritated by your new life stage:
- Jealousy: When two girls have spent the majority of their formative years together, it can be hard to watch one move on without the other. Even the best of us get overcome by jealousy at times. If your friend is struggling with discontent, your relationship may be a constant reminder of what she doesn’t have. If this is the case, there is nothing you can do but extend compassion and pray for her. Jealousy is an attitude of the heart only conquered by walking closely with the Lord.
- Loss of relationship: She may be bothered by your new lack of availability. Have you taken time to prioritize her, instead of fitting her in around your boyfriend’s schedule? If you want her friendship for the long run, you will need to invest in your relationship with her in addition to her accepting your new stage of life.
- Sin issue: This is the most uncomfortable topic to discuss, but a good friend will bring it up. Are you and your boyfriend engaging in sexual sin, or crossing physical boundaries? Your friend might be concerned for your emotional and spiritual well-being. If you’ve refused to listen to her warning, she may withdraw or come off as “disapproving” when, in fact, what you feel is conviction of sin! Talk to your friend if you are in a situation like this. Ask for accountability and help to overcome temptation and walk in purity.
2. Pray for peace and restoration.
Regardless of what your friend’s reasoning may be for disliking your boyfriend, pray for restoration to your relationship. Ask God to give you peace, guidance and a renewed relationship. You may not be able to change her mind, but He can change her heart and bring you close once again.
Making friends can become more difficult as we age, when work schedules, marriage and kids introduce more time constraints and points of difference. That’s why it’s so important to hold onto those friends from high school, college or even your childhood. Take care of those relationships! Tend to them with kindness and understanding, and they’ll stay with you through every life stage.