Why a Guy Will Never Make You Complete

    When I was single, I often pictured the day I’d be in a relationship. I imagined never feeling lonely again. I imagined introducing my boyfriend—or eventually, husband—to my relatives and friends. I thought that finding the right guy would make me feel complete.

    Fast-forward five or six years: I’m married. And, like a cruel joke, I still didn’t feel complete.

    Don’t get me wrong: My husband was and is wonderful. He’s thoughtful, kind and godly—everything I prayed for and everything I need. But I learned an important lesson in my first year of marriage. I learned that boyfriends and husbands don’t complete you. And then I learned three important concepts every single girl should learn before jumping into her next relationship.


    1. You Are Already a Complete Individual

    Without even recognizing the implications, we accept that who we are as individuals is not enough. Whether through the influence of media or the pressure of friends, completeness to us means “in a relationship.”

    But it’s this mentality that leads girls to settle for the first guy who comes their way. If we are incomplete without a relationship, any relationship should make us complete…right? Instead, we find that relationships begun in desperation, urgency or insecurity often lead to heartbreak.

    Here is the truth: You are a complete individual. What you have to offer in knowledge, skills, talent and spirit was designed by God for use in His kingdom. You were equipped to fulfill a purpose beyond yourself and beyond a dating relationship. God’s purpose is not limited by your relationship status; in fact, singleness can be one of the greatest vehicles of God’s love in this world. But to use it for God’s glory, we have to embrace our status as complete. You are full of potential for God’s loving mission in this world. You are not incomplete, but exactly the opposite.


    2. You Are Meant to Complement Each Other, Not Be Codependent

    Living as a complete woman doesn’t mean you won’t ever be in a relationship. Yet women who embrace their completeness are filled with confidence in both who they are and where they are going. This kind of confidence is not only attractive, but it also provides a solid foundation upon which a lasting relationship can be built. Why?

    Because godly couples complement one another. The marriage relationship—a form of it often echoed in dating—is a partnership in which two walk together in agreement (Amos 3:3), helping each other should one fall (Ecclesiastes 4:10). Where one is weak, the other is often strong. Where one is hesitant, the other is confident. But both are already complete.

    This kind of relationship is interdependent. The couple depends on the strength of one another, but each person can stand on his or her own. This differs from codependency: a relationship in which one member completely depends on the other for her satisfaction, happiness or completion in life.

    Don’t look for a guy to complete you—he isn’t meant to do so. You can offer so much more to the relationship by accepting your complete status and bringing that confidence into your dating life.


    3. You Are Completed by the Work of Christ

    Finally, and most importantly, you are complete because of Christ’s work on the cross. The purpose each of us has in this world is because of Christ’s sacrifice, which makes it possible for imperfect people to be used in God’s plan. The Father, Son and Holy Spirit provide the perfect model of complementarian relationships for us to use as a template in our own lives. The completed work of Christ is our identity, and in embracing that identity we can walk through life with irreplaceable confidence.

    I once heard a saying: “People with inner dignity are never embarrassed.” Similarly, people with inner completeness are never insecure. Christ offers us this security of heart and soul, and you can offer it to the right guy at the right time.

    So embrace who God made you to be, and walk in the confidence that you are already complete.

    Phylicia Masonheimer
    Phylicia Masonheimer
    Phylicia Masonheimer is an author and speaker teaching women how to discern what is true, discuss the deep stuff, and accomplish God's will for their specific lives. She holds a B.S. in Religion from Liberty University, where she met her husband, Josh, and now lives in northern Michigan with her two daughters, Adeline and Geneva.


    1. Right on. I agree with this article, at the same time, it totally contradicts itself. If God is the only one in the entire universe that can complete us (ie He makes us whole) and we’re already complete individuals, why even bother getting married? It states above God can accomplish His purpose despite our relationship status, plus the Bible says it’s easier to heed God’s voice when single than married. The more I read articles like this, the more I think: why bother to get married?

      • Good question! There are a few reasons to get married. First, God created us for relationship. Marriage is one of the most sanctifying relationships we can ever have. While it cannot ultimately satisfy us, it does provide a further realization of the companionship human beings crave. However, it’s not enough to only find that in your spouse; you also need other friends and God Himself as part of your community.

        But most importantly, marriage is a means to proclaim the gospel twofold. By marrying another believer, you have double the power to fulfill the Great Commission. Francis Chan writes about this in his book “You and Me Forever” which I highly recommend. The heart of marriage is not about us or our lives, but about using our marriages as a testimony to God’s grace and the power of Christ to make the relationship last. It is a picture of what covenant looks like in a world that does not understand commitment, and it points back to the glory of God.

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