Have you ever been “in love” before? And by this, I mean, you know — guys.
When you were younger, maybe five to eight years old, guys were untouchable because, well — cooties.
And then, when you got a little older, maybe 10 to 12 years old, you started seeing guys in a whole new way. If you were a calm and collected child who was completely aware of growing up, you might have brushed it off and said, “Well. I’ve officially entered puberty.” Or, if you were like me, an insane child, you might have freaked out and started running for the hills.
Just me? Okay.
Ah. The wonderful Guys and Girls and the Differences Between the Two Talk. The most awkward or totally normal two hours of your life? You decide.
And then there were those things called crushes.
Crushes are called crushes for a specific reason. When you like someone who probably thinks you’re nonexistent, you feel kinda…crushed. Sort of like standing by his locker, and then he comes by, doesn’t notice you, and opens his locker and it goes swinging into your face. Ouch.
Crushes are usually emotional dealings of the heart. You think, “Oh my gosh, he doesn’t even know I exist…what to do, what to do…”
That or you just stand there and watch him with this goofy smile on your face. Apparently crushes can drive us insane and berserk. They’re tormenting. You blush when he’s around, and he doesn’t even notice. Ugh.
Crushes — we’ve all been there. It was a heartbreaking phase of life and love that we now look back and laugh at. “You know…that one cute boy I liked in kindergarten…”
And now you might still be in that crush-phase. Or you’re going on 16 like me or caught somewhere in those early teenage years. Once you get to this age, love becomes a game.
What do I mean by a game? I mean that love becomes something you gamble at. I know it sounds bad — that’s because it is. What does it mean to gamble at love? It means you give more than you know you’ll get back.
A few examples of “gambling at love” are giving away your virginity out of marriage (regardless of whether you know this person or not); spending excessive time fantasizing about the future of a new (or nonexistent) relationship; allowing the relationship to consume you; allowing the relationship to destruct boundaries, etc. I could go on and on about the mistakes I see being made in teen relationships today. Most people would ask me, “But why do you think you can judge these relationships? Obviously you’ve never been in their shoes.”
Right. I’ve never been in their shoes — but I’ve been in another pair of shoes next to them while handing them tissues. I see the result of hasty and unhealthy relationships, and honestly, why would I want to put my shoes into that kind of situation? I don’t need to experience an unhealthy relationship to be able to know it’s unhealthy.
A Godly guy isn’t going to look at a girl and say, “Hmm, let me look at her record and see how many guys she’s been with and how much experience she has.”
A Godly guy who wishes to pursue a healthy, God-centered relationship wants a girl who has been wise in relationships. He wants a girl who has displayed discernment in her decisions. This doesn’t just include relationships — this includes everything.
Nobody is going to have a perfect record. No one is going to say, “I’ve never been tempted to be in a relationship that I knew wasn’t good for me.” It is a part of our human nature to want to feel a sense of belonging and to be loved, physically and emotionally.
And there is a chance to turn back for every girl and guy who have made mistakes. The Godly girl isn’t necessarily the girl who has had the least amount of relationships — more so the girl who has learned from previous relationships and has gained knowledge and wishes to improve from them.
I have a mental list of what my dream guy is like, what God’s dream guy for me is like. Look at this list and you will realize that there’s a lot of minor details that didn’t make it to the list (i.e. blue eyes, dirty-blond hair, loves chocolate ice cream and loves Twizzlers). Why not? Because that’s not what God looks at. When He was busy selecting my future husband, He considered our marriage, our promises and our hearts. Everything else is just extra.
So how do you get your list to look like God’s list? Now that you desire to be wise about the relationships you enter, how can you be sure what to look for?
Huh. Cliche much? But guess what? One of our means of communication with God is through prayer. It’s a 24-hour, toll-free, never-busy line that stays open for you all the time. Bring your relationships to God. Ask Him what He wants to see in your future, rather than what you want to see in your future. Ask God what He wants on your list.
2. Give God ultimate control.
God knows the future of your relationship/s, but He gives you the choice to ask Him for guidance. Do so. When you give God the control of which direction your relationship is headed, you are submitting to God’s will and often that turns out a lot better than your own will.
3. Trust God with your past, present and future relationships.
Why do I mention past as well? Because those are all a part of His will. They all played a role in molding the decisions you will make as a girl or guy. God desires to have an intimate, trusting relationship with us. He wants us to trust Him wholeheartedly. Wholeheartedly means no half-way or partial trust. It means entire trust.
As a single, going on 16-year-old, sometimes I wonder when that perfect guy is going to come into my life. My life dream has been to grow up with my future husband. To know each other for years and years before we say “I do.” (Just one of those minor details again.) And it’s frustrating to me when I see that it’s not happening; that no guy is coming into my life yet. And while my friends are starting to get asked out on dates which could lead to potential relationships, I’m sitting here wondering, “Uh. When is that going to happen for me?”
The hardest part is letting “Jesus take the wheel” and allowing Him to take ultimate control of what’s ahead. He often sees the red light before we do. We just have to trust Him.
I guess we could sum this up pretty neatly. The human love life psychology is complex and has its heartbreaks along the way. But when we give God control, our “list” and our discernment become what His list looks like and we accept what wisdom He has to offer us.
I wait for love because God wants all of me before I enter a relationship.We often question why we should wait (or why we’re still waiting), but if we pray and ask God, maybe we’ll discover that our hearts don’t belong fully to God yet, and until they do, we aren’t ready to be in an earthly relationship.
Trust Him with your life before you trust him (any guy) with your heart.
Written by PI Girl Chels
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