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    Why You Don’t Need a Boyfriend!

    How often have you thought to yourself, “Why is she with that guy?”

    So many times girls get overly concerned with having a boyfriend, that they’ll compromise their values and what they really want in a guy to just settle for whose available.

    It’s normal to feel lonely at times, but if you stay primarily concerned with your own life and making yourself happy first, the right guy will come along. It’s so much better to wait and find an amazing guy who will treat you like you deserve to be treated, then to be in a relationship with a guy that’s not up to your standards. And set them high! Focus on your friends, your goals, and making your life the best it can be before you get into a relationship. That way you’ll attract a man who’s worthy of your fabulous self!

    Nicole
    Nicole
    Nicole Weider is a Salem, Oregon native who moved to Los Angeles and quickly found success as a fashion model at the age of 17. Today, Nicole is an active wife, mom, producer, actress and author and has made it her mission to share her personal story, the bright moments and the challenges, with young women around the world.

    55 COMMENTS

    1. Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you! I have been so sad because no boy in my school has even looked at me this year and all my friends hook up all the time and I just keep thinking I ‘wait for June’ so that I can start over this summer and maybe meet someone at camp!!!! I have been ignoring whats important and you are right thank you!

      • InspiredGirl, I agree TOTALLY w/ BohemainEccentricity! She basically SUMMED up my ENTIRE post. But, yeah. Boys have cooties and aren’t worth your time right now and can REALLY get you distracted. You’d rather be the independent chick who puts more emphasis on who SHE is and who SHE wants to be. Not the whiny girl who wants a boyfriend and posts statuses about being “in love” everyday. I can tll you a boy will respect that confident girl better than the other. Keep males at only a friendship level for now and live your life because all that growing up too fast can lead to a very dependent lifestyle of a need to feel “loved”. God already loves you <3. Middle/high school relationships arent even that cool, I mean, where do you think theyre gonna end up? No couple is bound to stay together for 9th-12th grade, I assure you. Just remember that old Destiny's Child song–"All the women, Independent! Throw yo' hands up at me!!~ and you'll be fine ~*^.^*~

      • If your friends think your a loser just because you don’t have a boyfriend, you need to get better friends! I am sixteen years old & I have not once gotten asked out by someone I liked, & that is totally fine! Don’t ever let someone tell you you need a boyfriend to be cool or accepted 🙂 I know it’s easier said than done, but trust me, I have totally been there 🙂 don’t settle just to fit in!

      • I use to have friends like that until I realized they weren’t the friends God wanted me to have. Not that I’m saying you have to dump your friends but a true friend lifts you up and doesn’t make you feel like a loser. That’s why I’m so thankful for my bestfriend now shes so understanding of why I choose not to follow traditional dating and doesn’t misjudge me for something as trivial as having a boyfriend or not. Sometimes you’re going to feel excluded but just know eveything happens in God’s timing not yours.

    2. Hey, InspiredGirl-
      If your friends think you’re a loser because you have a boyfriend, they’re not worth the time of day! You can rock the single look girl, trust me. Boys aren’t that great. And, they have cooties. 😉
      But yeah, seriously, don’t feel down ’cause you don’t have a “bf.” Middle/high school relationships are usually so shallow and pointless– how many of your friends’ relationships do you think will actually last to the crowning point of relationships? (A.k.a marriage!) Don’t you worry your pretty little mind. Mr. Right will come along sooner or later. ‘Til then, rock the Single Ladies vibe and try to be the best you you can be!

    3. Gah! Typo! I meant to say:
      If your friends think you’re a loser because you don’t have a boyfriend, they’re not worth the time of day!
      (Just felt like that needed to be cleared up, because otherwise I’m sending mixed messages. 😛 Literally!)

    4. thanks so much for sharing this. i have been trying to tell my friends this for a long time, but since some of them aren’t Christians, they blow this off to me just being a Christian, even when i try to tell them its not. it’s for them too. i just don’t like seeing them hurt, but all i can do is pray and hope they’ll listen.
      and InspiredGirl, true friends would accept you for who you are and how you live. i’m not trying to bash your friends, because i dont know them, but getting a BF just so you won’t be a loser is the wrong reason. kinda feels like you would be using your BF too. better to be a loser in the world, but a winner in God’s kingdom, right?

    5. i agree completely, Nicole.
      i have a few friends who are just so boy crazy, and they’ll go out with just about any guy. one of them is only 15! i tell her all the time that she doesnt need a boyfriend. i just hope she listens to me… i used to fel like a needed a bf, also. but now anymore!

      • I have never had a guy, and I’m 18 years old. I get lonely, and sometimes a bit jealous of my friends bfs. But I keep telling myself ” If I try to get that guy now, will he love me for me, or love me for who I could be?” I want to be loved for me, so I wait for him, because that is the love I need most.

        P.S. There is nothing wrong with wanting love. That is normal and healthy. Just make sure you don’t leave yourself behind to find it.

      • When I feel like no one loves me, I remind myself that God and Jesus love me, and my family loves me even though they don’t always understand me. I think me personally, I don’t ‘need’ a guy, but I want one, but I don’t want just anyone. I set my standards high, but I’m realistic about them too, b/c we’re all human, no one is perfect, and like annabeth49 said, there’s nothing wrong with wanting love (in this case it’s romantic love), but just learn and remember what it really means to love and be loved (that includes not rushing things or neglecting your true self).

      • In my opinion, there’s nothing wrong with wanting love. Everyone does. But up to a point, a boy won’t satisfy the craving completely. Of course, its soooo flattering to have someone like you, but God loves you like nobody will ever imagine. So yes, you have had someone who loves you. Even if nobody else loves you in all the world, even if your friends desert you and your family turns their backs to you, Jesus will never EVER give up on you.

    6. Honestly, I’m waiting till I can drive. If your mom or dad drives you to your date, it’s kinda pointless. I don’t believe that girls need to hang onto a guy for validation or comfort. Jesus is our comfort.

    7. Thanks for this article! I will be talking to my girlfriends sometimes and they think I’m crazy because I haven’t had my first kiss yet (I’m only 14…) sometimes I feel a little pressured to get a bf and have my first kiss, and I have a purity ring and that helps me a lot, but once again, reading this article and the comments really made me feel better about being so young and not having a first kiss. So thank you so much for that!

    8. I agree with this article. I’m 18 years old and I just now started seeing someone romantically, and he’s wonderful! Before now, I’ve never had a boyfriend in my life (and I’ll admit there’s been plenty of times that I wanted one). I’ve always known though that someday I will find the right guy. 🙂

    9. Thank you SOOOOO MUCH for sharing this!!!! I feel alone a lot among even christian girls because, and I hope this is not judging, a lot of them have bfs and I don’t, nor do I plan to have one any time soon. It is nice to know that there are christian girls who agree with me. 🙂 again, I hope this isnt too judgemental

    10. Thank you for having this! My friends seem to think that they need boyfriends and because of that, then that means I “need” a boyfriend too. I don’t even know any guys who I can see myself spending the rest of my life with. SUre, I have great friends who are guys, but I can’t see me spending the rest of my life with any of them.

    11. I have a boyfriend and we’re happy together. He’s perfect looks-wise and personality-wise. Sometimes, he can be a jerk to his friends…but everyone has flaws.
      And, girls, remember that just because you weren’t meant to spend the rest of your life with a guy…it doesn’t mean that you weren’t in love with him! <3

      • Thank you for saying this! I had been doubting if i had ever truly loved him since it never worked out for us, but perhaps it is true, just because i wasn’t meant to spend the rest of my life with him doesn’t mean that I was never in love with him. It just means that God has someone better for me and He wants me to wait for him <3

    12. Thank you so much I needed to read this today. It’s hard for me to always be surrounded by my friends being in relationships and talking about having little flings with guys. It’s always hard to keep my head up and know that God has a guy set aside for me.

    13. This is so true! I’m 19 and just started dating my first boyfriend a month ago. I didn’t date anyone in high school and sometimes wondered if there was something wrong with me. But everything is so much more special when you’re not comparing your current boyfriend to the last one or the one before that. It’s definitely worth the wait for that special guy who has the same values and treats you like a lady.

      • Thank you, thank you, thank you! Hearing positive stories like yours is so refreshing. My sister is nineteen and she has never had a boyfriend, and sometimes she is really hurt and feels dumb because her friends have all gone through countless relationships. A story like yours is so encouraging to people like her. When the right man comes for her, he will totally be worth waiting for.

      • Thank you Ruth for sharing this. I feel the same you do. I thought all the time there was something wrong with me and that I would never get a bf. I currently have a bf and he is amazing! He treats me like a lady and is so sweet and he even loves God, but the only thing is he lives half way across the world. Im so glad I waited! I thought I was the only girl who felt this but on here I’m glad I’m not the only one

    14. I really needed this. I know that God’s made me beautiful in my own way, but I see all these girls with boyfriends. I have two friends that are constantly asked out by guys. I don’t want a boyfriend right now, but the feeling of being asked out would be nice. Thank you so much for this. I just need to be reminded that God’s just looking out for me.

    15. Boys aren’t so great. They’re pretty lame. Haha. Especially teenage boys. Most of them are a bit too immature to handle a relationship. But like sisterwhocares said, they can make awesome friends. I know this for a fact. I believe that you do need your priorities in line before you have a boyfriend. You should be completely satisfied with being single so when you do enter a relationship, you won’t be too dependent on it. You are loved by God, your family and friends and you don’t need a boy to validate that. 🙂

    16. ohhhhhhhh,thank you so much for this! I’m only in middle school, and SO many of my friends have boyfriends. I know that I’m really young, and honestly there is no such thing as a not-immature guy in middle school, but so many times I’ve gotten jealous of the girls with boyfriends, and my friends have been shocked that I’ve never had a crush. This article gave me so much relief. It (somehow) made me realize that I’ve just got really high standards, and I don’t need a boyfriend. I’ve already got enough on my back with school and friends. Who knows what kind of complications would be added to my life if I had a boyfriend? Anyways, thanks for this article. it really set my mind at ease. 😀

    17. I go to an all-girls school, so I hear about boys more than anything else. My 12-13 year old friends have boyfriends, and they go on and onnnnnnnnnn about how “TOM IS SOOOOO HOT!!!!” Really? Who cares? I don’t know anybody who ends up getting married to her middle school “boyfriend.” It ends up lasting a couple months at MOST, and you can tell that they weren’t REALLY in love because a while after a girl gets a bf they break up, and her reaction is, “Yeah, Tom and I aren’t together anymore. Oh, well. That kinda stinks. Anyway, I’m soo excited for the sleepover tomorrow night!” 90% of the boys my age that I know are kind of dumb (at the dances, some of them will even get into fake fights for girls’ attention!) They’re not worth you’re time, and they ESPECIALLY shouldn’t be a cause for sleepless nights wondering, “does he LIKE me?”

    18. Thanks nicole 🙂 i just wanted to say thats what ive been going through and my youth pastor prayed for me and when she did she said that got said i dont need love right now what i need is gods love stop trying to have boyfriends he said and just to follow his word and only him to focus on my father and that my father will show me love that i am looking for i actually have been praying for a my guy so we will see how its goes thanks 🙂

    19. Yesterday was my friends Bat Mitzvah and when a slow song came on I all the girls and boys started dancing with each other, I decided to just sit down and enjoy a cupcake. Then one of my friends who was dancing with her ex/soon to be decided to try to get me and my guy friend to start dating, when I tried to tell my guy friend and my friend that I liked my guy friend AS A FRIEND my guy friend decided to tell me that he was going to ask me out anyways. I became so frustrated and stressed I had to run outside and cry. I don’t know how to deal with this and I need to talk to my guy friend tomorrow. PLEASE HELP ME!!!

    20. Thank you so much for sharing this! My 14 sister has tons of guy friends and me I have a couple. I used to get jealous of her all the time, it seemed like everyday she had some guy ask her out. I thought that there was something wrong with me. Until I met this guy on TeenGrace. We talked and became friends and now today he is my bf. what is so great about this guy is he loves GOD!!!! I was so amazed to finally meet a guy that loves God!!! I’m so glad I waited, I’m 17 and never EVER had a bf until now. Trust me it’s worth the wait!

    21. Haha, I have a bunch of friends that I eat lunch with and basically hang out with, and only one of them has a boyfriend, and he’s a sweetheart anyway. 🙂 But we’re all such good friends and we just go along, living life, that we don’t really worry about guys, besides the typical teasing, you know. 🙂 Thank you for this post!! So many girls lose sight of what is happening with their life and just have boyfriend after boyfriend.

    22. I am not ugly (in the most modest way) but no guys ask me out or like idk but they do look at me and sometimes talk to me and i never had my first kiss and im 16 im starting to get scared that i will never get a boyfriend even if im in college ill be like 50 and have my fist kiss!:(

      • You’re going to think I’m crazy, but I’m jealous that you haven’t had your first kiss yet! I had mine when I was 15 and I regret it so much. It wasn’t special and I no longer associate with that person. Treasure your first kiss. Don’t rush like I did. I think you’re on the right track.

      • Hey there a is a young couple in my church never dated anyone in high school therefore they never ended up kissing anyone.. when they met and started dating they ended up deciding to save their first kiss for the alter.. so if you dont kiss anyone you may end up realizing that it was a blessing that you hadnt.. i defiantly dont think at 16 they had a clue what god had in store for them.. just a thought..

    23. i just feel so ugly. i know everyone says “God made u beautiful” but u never saw me a lot of people say om ugly, but a lot of people say im not sooo…. i just wanna be asked out even if im not allowed to date yet i just wanna be liked so today in school i started telling everyone in school i have a bf who just doesnt go to our school and i know its a lie and wrong but its better than being bullied for not having a bf or not being allowed to have 1

      • hey… you just need to hold on to the truth of scriptures.. ive been called ugly myself.. it hurts so bad.. it hurts when people point out your flaws like im chubby.. i know im chubby.. you dont have to point that out to me you know? but heres the conclusion ive made.. ive looked at the character of the guys at my school.. none of them meet my standards in a husband by a long shot.. so i think hey do i really care if i impress those kinds of guys? plus i have made the commitment not to date in high school.. but i know what you mean cause you just want the feeling of oh he likes me and thinks im pretty.. so i just hold on to the truths that god values inner beauty not outer beauty.. and i was me fearfully and WONDERFULLY made by god.. and so were YOU.. i know it hurts.. BELIVE ME.. but you dont need to lie.. i dont know what grade your in but for me hurtful comments stopped coming after 9th grade.. just hold on it will be ok in the end..

      • Hey, hun. It’s all going to be okay. I had the same problem for awhile at my high school– and middle school. I had to learn the hard way how to deal with this. If someone bugged me, I would be sarcastic/mean back. That failed for me because people don’t like mean people. I had my friends, but I didn’t have many. I’m now just trying to laugh along with them. I know this can feel like you’re lying to yourself, but just think, you’re not letting the other people win. About the boy thing, I know also how you feel. To this day I’m single. Every time I go to a school dance, the guys make fun of me and ask to dance with me– meaning hookup… but of course they mean it in a joking way… which lowers my self esteem whether I like it or not. I know you’ve probably heard this a lot, but you seriously do not need boys. You have God, and make him your priority. If you’re meant to have a boy like you, it will happen. God writes our story in the stars. You can’t help what happens to you, and you can’t make someone like/love you. All you can do is be the best person you can be, and if it’s meant to happen, it WILL happen. 🙂 I hope that I’m being helpful.

    24. I am not allowed to date. Some girls may find this ridiculous and uncalled for, but I think my parents are right. At 13, us young teens are too young for a guy to hold us back from reaching for our goals, our dreams! If we always have to compromise what our boyfriend wants with what we want, we could have no life and be all lonely again if the relationship doesn’t work out with nothing else to look forward to because some guy talked us out of doing everything we had in store for ourselves. Let’s be children while we can!! Shoot for the skies! Have tons of friends! Go insane! All while not being tied down to one guy 🙂

    25. Nicole… I’m 13 and I was wondering do u or anyone else think I’m too young too date?? My mom said I can, IF the guy comes and asks her. My problem is, if any guy knows that will they come ask? My mom, dad and sister (who i share a room with) can be kind… well, plain scary. Thanks

      • I wouldn’t start dating yet. My parents told me to wait till I was 16, I started dating at 15 and it was stupid. You change a lot, and it’s so much easier to focus on school and making good friend relationships when you don’t have to worry about a guy. And think of this, What is your reason for dating? You’re to young to be looking for a husband. Wait a little longer is my advice. Much luck to you!

    Project Inspired

    We here at Project Inspired want to guide and inspire teen girls to be true to themselves and to God. We want to show young girls how to be people of value and confidence – how to be your own best selves – through leading a Christian life. Who are we? We're a team of girls, like you. We edit the site, we post to social media, we hang out in the chat rooms and forums. We talk with you, we listen to you, and we love you!

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