Why You Should Release Your Ex to Love Again

    Even when the breakup is months behind us, there’s a certain sting when an ex moves on. Even if you’re in a happy relationship yourself, watching your ex find love again can incite attitudes we didn’t know we had—jealousy, bitterness or even anger. Sometimes we can’t explain these feelings; we thought we were over it! Other times the pain is understandable, like when an ex moves on so quickly you wonder if he cared for you at all.

    But today I’m encouraging you to let these emotions go. It’s in your best interest to release your ex to newfound love, and here’s why.


    Part of love is letting go.

    We tend to think love is only love if we’re in a relationship. Yet no relationship is wasted in the eyes of God! God can redeem any relationship for His purposes and use it for His glory—even if romantic ties are broken.

    It’s possible to love your ex enough to let him go completely. This doesn’t mean you’re “in love” with him; rather, it’s a love as God defines it. Love, to Jesus, is when you seek the best for another person. You want what is best for them even when it’s hard.

    Your ex might be free to love again, but is he free to you? Have you released him emotionally and mentally? Though we’d like to take emotional ownership over everyone we date, we don’t have that power. In freeing your ex to love again, you actually free yourself. Loving your ex as a brother in Christ means letting him walk into the next stage of life.


    God is doing a great work.

    When we try to hang onto someone emotionally, it’s a form of control. We can’t physically keep an ex from dating other people, but we can give ourselves a form of control by hanging onto him emotionally. This doesn’t just promote jealousy—it inhibits spiritual growth and keeps you from a thriving relationship with God and people.

    God may be doing a great work in your ex’s life, and He’s certainly going to do a great work in yours. But you have to align yourself with His will in order to realize that potential. Don’t limit yourself by being consumed with your ex’s new girlfriend. Ask your friends to stop reporting his latest actions. Block him on Facebook if you need to! Do what it takes to keep your focus where it belongs and allow God to do the work He wants to do.


    Healing will always hurt.

    Any time a wound heals, it hurts, and you usually get a scar. Even a decent breakup will come with a few wounds, or maybe a pang when you see your ex enjoying another person’s company. The Enemy uses these opportunities to whisper into our insecurities:

    You were never good enough.

    No one will want you.

    He never really cared about you.

    When we absorb these lies as truths and allow them to shape our identities, we start living according to what we believe. We start comparing, judging and embracing bitterness. Pretty soon, the Enemy’s lies are coming true—but only because we believed them!

    Conquer the Enemy by taking the higher, holier road. Reject jealousy and let God be your justice. Release your ex to love again, and the love you’ll find in Christ will restore your heart to wholeness.

    Phylicia Masonheimer
    Phylicia Masonheimer
    Phylicia Masonheimer is an author and speaker teaching women how to discern what is true, discuss the deep stuff, and accomplish God's will for their specific lives. She holds a B.S. in Religion from Liberty University, where she met her husband, Josh, and now lives in northern Michigan with her two daughters, Adeline and Geneva.


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