Every few months, I hear from someone who believes God told them who their spouse would be. Sometimes the person knows; other times he doesn’t. But the girl remains convinced that God told her that this guy was “The One”!
Does God tell us specifically who our spouse will be? It’s a worthy conversation. It’s important to note that the concept of “The One” is not biblical, but based in Greek mythology—and that ultimately, Christians are called to look for one thing in a spouse: a heart committed to God. A heart that loves Christ automatically fulfills the character qualities necessary for marriage.
But what about if you’ve seen those qualities in someone and feel as if that person is God’s will for you? Here are a few things to consider.
We Walk by Faith, Not by Sight
I firmly believe that God still speaks to us through His Spirit, but the Spirit will never contradict God’s Word. If you believe someone is the person you’ll marry, there are a few things to ask yourself:
- Is this person committed to Christ? God will not lead you to marry an unbeliever. If a person DOES marry an unbeliever, God can redeem that situation—but it is not His perfect will for you.
- Are you putting words in God’s mouth? Our hearts are deceitful, and if you’ve spent a lot of time daydreaming about this guy, you could easily confuse your desires with God’s voice.
- Are you walking by faith? Choosing faith in singleness is hard because you can’t see the future. But that’s the whole point of faith! Trying to figure out who your spouse is ahead of time won’t make walking by faith any easier down the road. Simply trust God to lead you.
- Is this person pursuing you? If he isn’t actively interested in you, imagining him as your spouse—even if that were to happen one day—is counterproductive. God wants your focus. Concentrate on Him during this time.
Don’t Confuse Personal Desire With God’s Voice
When girls spend a lot of time consuming romantic media, they tend to romanticize reality. Looking for romance in every situation causes us to confuse our personal desires with God’s desires for us. If your heart is consumed with finding a spouse and you can’t be content in your singleness, it’s more likely your mind and heart wishing someone was your spouse than God actually speaking this over you.
But if you have been seeking God faithfully and working toward His will right where you are, are you open to hear His voice? It’s possible He would indicate a certain person is your spouse. But God is wise, and if He knows telling you your spouse’s identity would result in rebellion against your parents or a rushed, impure relationship—He will wait until the correct time to direct you.
You Might Not Marry the First Person You Date
In reality, it’s not that important that you know who you will marry. Knowing ahead of time would be more of a distraction than anything else! What’s more, the person you like at 18 may not be in your life when you’re 24—and you’ll change along the way. You might not marry the first person you date, and that’s okay.
So is it possible that God could tell you who your spouse is? Possibly, but it’s very rare. Don’t seek this. Seek Christ! It is more important to know the God you serve than the man you’ll marry, because it is God who guides you to a man who loves Him.