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You Are God’s Girl, Wait Until You’re Married to Have Sex!

Earlier today I was praying to God outside in the warm sun, (it’s a gorgeous day!) and I asked Him what I could write about today that will help you girls. I felt a whispering in my heart to write an article on why you should remain pure to have sex. I believe this is God’s way of reminding you how special you are to Him.

I’m also writing this because I didn’t wait until marriage to have sex.

I was in high school, and I believed in order to be cool and popular, I needed a boyfriend which meant I had to have sex, too. I based my identity on my outward appearance, and if boys thought I was attractive.

I only realize now how empty I was, and that the one person I needed most was God to fulfill my heart instead. When you’re a teenager, it’s all too easy to think you’re “in love” with a boy, when in reality you don’t know what real love is yet. In order to find the perfect man you know you’ll want to spend the rest of your life with, you need to grow up more and establish your identity on who you are and what you stand for. In order to find the perfect man who deserves you, you need to fully accept and love yourself first, or else you’ll compromise on settling with “Mr. Right Now” and perhaps offer sex in order to please him.

It’s an unfortunate fact that most boys use young women like you solely for their own pleasure and benefit. Teenage boys aren’t looking to “settle down” and many times are just looking for the girl they can easily get into bed. Many of them try to prove to themselves that they can sway a girl into having sex with them, in order to brag to their buddies and see how many girls they can get into the sack.

Please don’t be one of them, and please don’t toss yourself around like you don’t matter. Girls who have sex quickly and “put out,” often have a reputation as being “easy” and aren’t respected as much. It’s sad but true. Young boys will try to say whatever they can to you in order for them to seduce you into bed, such as “You’re the only girl for me,” “I love you,” “I’ve never felt like this before,” “I won’t tell anybody,” or “Let’s go out.” Please don’t be fooled by their language.

A boy who truly cares about you and respects your feelings and values will like you even more if you wait to have sex till your married, and if he doesn’t- his bad character will shine right through his seductive language.  Even Christian guys fall victim to this type of behavior, and don’t think just because they believe in God they won’t do this to you as well. Your worth is immeasurable, you deserve the best.

It’s especially hard right now because never before in history have messages about sex been so saturated in the media. It seems like every song on the radio or TV show is telling women they need to have sex with any man that gives her attention. Don’t ignore that inner voice that’s telling you to wait and to say no, because that’s God whispering to you. When you feel tempted, pray to God to give you a way out. Remember this powerful scripture that God speaks to us regarding this issue:

God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, that you may be able to endure it.”

When a girl sleeps with a boy too soon, she often feels used and hurt because he took a little piece of her soul. If only I knew this scripture when I was in high school:

“Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.” Proverbs 4:23.

You may wonder to yourself, “What’s the big deal about waiting till I’m married? Lot’s of people do it!”

I can’t stress enough how important it is to remain abstinent, for several reasons. The first is that once you have casual sex with just any boy, you’re 10x more likely to continue doing so with multiple people until you’re actually married to the right one. God created your beautiful body with special care and love, He designed you to me matched perfectly with your future spouse. So don’t spoil the surprise! You may feel alone and sad without a boy, but focus on your relationship with Jesus. He says to you, “I am my beloved’s, and my beloved is mine.”

He will ALWAYS listen to you, he hears your thoughts, knows what’s in your heart, and loves you infinitely more than any man will ever love you! Please print this article out and put it by your bed, or in your journal, or read it any time you feel tempted to have sex. I Promise you, you will never regret it if you wait. It’s not like it’s forever!

God says to you:

“My daughter, pay attention to what I say; listen closely to my words. Do not let them out of your sight, keep them within your heart; for they are life and those who find them and health to a woman’s whole body.” Proverbs 4:20-22.

 

Have you been tempted by a boy to have sex before marriage?

Image: Thinkstock | iStock

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78 Comments

  1. Project Inspired

    Posted by Unloved15 on January 31, 2013 at 13:11

    I’m lost. My church that I went to broke up and before I loved god so much and I could worship him and now its hard for me to even pray. I still love him! I really do , I just feel like he doesn’t hear me. I’m 15 and I’m overweight, I’m homeschooled so I dont get out much and meet new people but I’m really shy anyway. All my “friends” call me fat and ugly and that I’ll never have a bf or be loved. I sometimes feel its true. I’ve attempted suicide before because I feel like I really don’t belong anywhere. I have trouble with touching myself (as weird as that sounds) and I get freaked out because ALL of my friends have had their periods and I haven’t got mine. I know I’m just some messed up kid. I guess thats who I’ll always be…

    Thanks UnLoVeD15

  2. Project Inspired

    Posted by RebeccaJean on March 21, 2012 at 01:18

    My name is Rebecca Jean Early, and I am new to this site. My cousin/Best friend-Judy Elaine showed me this site and I wanted to join it because I figured it can help me get closer to god. A lot has happened in the past year, and it has caused me and the people around me a lot of stress. I am a christian, but for many years now I have lost a connection between him and I am trying to get that connection back. I have talked to my mom about taking me to church because not everyone in my main family is a christian so we never went to church. Of course when I have talked to my mom about it, it seems as though I bug her and she always seems to be angry at me. I have been to church before and I have asked god to for forgiveness and to be saved but I didn’t feel completely saved or that he forgave me. Everyday my sister tells me that god doesn’t love me and that he doesn’t know me and that I’m going to hell when I die. I feel like he didn’t forgive me because of how many mistakes I have made in the past (I try to forget about my past, but it’s hard when everyone just keeps on reminding me about my mistakes). It is also hard for me to find my connection with god again because of the house I’m raised in. There is constant cussing, drinking, smoking, name calling (even from my parents) and other stuff. Being in a house like that, you’ll find it hard to find a good connection with god.

    A lot has happened in the past year, and I regret it BIG time and well that’s the reason why I’m even typing this. It all mainly started on Easter when this older guy (My step uncle) who is 24 now had asked me out. It was late at night, and I went outside where my uncle was and I sat on our glider set a seat down from my uncle and all of a sudden, he asked me if I liked him and I said yes (but it was just like one of those small crushes every girl gets on older men at times) and he told me he liked me back. I was surprised to hear him say that although I already knew it from the time when me and my sister had to go live with my aunt for a little bit because our water pipes broke. He gave me the impression that he had feelings for me because well for one he would always stare at me, and tickle me out of nowhere and when we were at the fair he found a really pretty ring on the ground and instead of giving it to his wife like most men would, he gave it to me (I lost the ring). But anyways, I went back inside for a little bit and I went back outside and sat on the porch away from him, then he came over and sat by me, grabbed my hand and said he was going to cheat on his wife with me and that he didn’t care, and took me into our RV and of course me a teenager looking for love just went along with it not knowing what to expect. At first I thought he was going to have sex with me in there but instead he kissing me and I tried to pull away and he grabbed me and told me not to, so that’s all that happened that night. After that for a long time, we have been messaging each other and he told me he wanted to marry me, and be with me forever, and of course I believed it, but it started getting serious near the end of April. I went to my “friends” house and apparently while I was there my aunt got sick so my uncle texted me and asked me to go down to the wash with him (and I knew what was going to happen, and I blame myself for this) so of course I went out by myself to meet him there and that was the first time (but that time was anal so I didn’t lose my virginity then). When I first lost my virginity was when I was at the same friends house and he asked if he could pick me up so I said yes (and I knew what was going to happen)and he took me to the park where no one can see in the van and that’s when he put his dick in my vagina. Then once on mother day when of course my aunts van apparently broke down on the way back from her church (me, my uncle, and my cousin-boy went to a different church and got home around 12 PM) so of course my cousin went out to hang with his friends and that left me and my uncle alone so we sat there on the couch together for awhile and I had this bad feeling in my gut saying to back away but I ignored it -Always Listen to Your Gut, It Is Never Wrong-. So after a few minutes or so, he started to kiss me and then he tried to pull down my pants and I tried to hold them up then he said “Don’t make me force myself” ( This is the type of guy who took steroids, had a gun and a knife strapped on his belt at all times) and that’s when my gut told me to run but I was scared that he was going to hurt me, so I just gave in (but we didn’t do it that time but we almost did) but he did take my hand and put it in his pants but I didn’t know what to do so I just pulled it out. It started to get even more serious when I decided to go to my aunts house for a week after my eighth grade promotion. The next day (Thursday) was when we did it again, he took me to the computer lab in the office at the apartments (no one else was in there) and that’s when we did it again, and then there were four more times after that during the whole week I was there, but one time during one of them, I was on my period and I told him that, and that’s when he said “I don’t care, I’ll do it every chance I have” and that freaked me out a lot. The moral story of this is that I blame myself because even though my mom has told me that it was his fault because he’s older, I still feel responsible for it because I didn’t really fight back like I should have, and my sister keeps on bringing it up and pushing it in my face calling me a slut and a whore and a bunch of other stuff. After that had happened, I have became so lost of who I am anymore, and I didn’t feel perfect and I’m a person who has struggled with her weight and still is a bit, so I decided to go bulimic and this has gone on for about a couple of months and all of a sudden I decided to go anorexic and that went on for about three months and I would hurt myself (and I almost killed myself), and every now and then I would break out crying, so finally my mom decided to take me to a doctor and put me on sertraline “Zoloft”, and it helped for the most part. As the months went by though, I have became bulimarexia.
    I am the type of girl who has boy trouble as in finding a boy friend, and I am a VERY picky person of who I date , but apparently the guys I choose just end up lying to me and only want one thing and that’s sex (but I don’t give it to them). I have always thought that I will never be good enough for anyone, but recently I have come closer to finding out who I am and that there is that one out there for me that god has chosen for me and I know he will accept me for who I am and love me and everything I have always dreamed of in a guy, and I just have to wait for the right time. I do talk to my counselor about all that has happened and she talks to me about me eating disorders, so now I have a healthy diet.

    I hope those of you who read this don’t judge me or anything, because all I am asking for is some help like advice for how to get a better connection with god, how to make friends, and how to find myself because I feel empty inside a lot of the time, and I just need someone I can trust who I can talk to. I also want to ask you something, can god forgive you for anything? Can he give me my virginity back?

    • Posted by Nicole on March 22, 2012 at 01:11

      wow I just read your heart breaking story Rebecca, How old are you if you don’t mind me asking? First of all I want to assure you that NO sin is unforgiven if you truly ask Jesus for forgiveness and ask him to cleanse you of your sin. He cannot technically give you yor virginity back, but he can offer forgiveness for all that happened. Your parents are right, that it is his fault for urging you on. To get a better connection to God first is by simply praying, asking the Lord to give you guidance, wisdom, and show you what to do. Trust me, anytime you talks He listens. He is waiting for you to call on Him. Ask questions in the Girl Talk message boards, all of the girls will LOVE to help you and offer guidance and help! I am praying for you, just stay strong and know that tomorrow is a NEW day and you are reborn again in Christ! God loves you so, so much.

      • Project Inspired

        Posted by RebeccaJean on March 22, 2012 at 23:58

        I am 15 turning 16 this year, and it happened when I was 14. Thanks for the help I appreciate it. 🙂

  3. Project Inspired

    Posted by besthete12 on January 28, 2012 at 20:41

    Thank you so much Ms. Nicole! You are absolutely amazing!

  4. Project Inspired

    Posted by besthete12 on January 28, 2012 at 20:37

    This is so true….if you have sex before marriage, you ruin yourself. I would absolutely feel awful if I was married and I wasn’t giving my husband my full self…I think that is is repulsive how people can throw it away. I want to honor my future husband by being able to love him with all of my ability without having sacrificed myself to someone else before, and honor him by being pure for him (and I want hime to do the same for me). I am 13, so I have a long time before any of this, but so many people at my school have already done it!

  5. Project Inspired

    Posted by Tangela on January 22, 2012 at 15:43

    I’m 13 years old, and my older sister, Briana is 19. When she was sixteen she lost her virginity, and ever since then, she’s had multiple sexual partners. I’ve always wanted to remain abstenant, but whenever I express this to my sister, she laughs, like it’s impossible for me to do. She makes it seem like a boy won’t wait for me. I’ve never had a boyfriend, but I have been asked to have sex wih by a few boys, and everytime, something tells me I’m better than that. I’m worth more. Every girl is. And sometimes, it feels like I’m alone in that feeling, but reading your atricle and seeing all these women and girls’ comments, it helps me know I’m NEVER alone! Thank you SO much Ms.Nicole! You are TRULY sent from above <3! God bless!

  6. Project Inspired

    Posted by Alexandra Lyn on January 15, 2012 at 11:54

    I love God first and foremost. But I’m less strict about these sort of things. I’m almost 16 now, and I’ve been dating the same guy since I was 13. And yes, we’ve had sex. And no, I don’t regret it. I love him. We may not end up getting married. But this is the time to learn what will work for you later in life. I believe God is very forgiving and not completely as strict as many people think. He is not entirely against of having fun and he does not relish in sending people to hell. In fact, I don’t believe anyone stays in hells for eternity. God couldn’t bare sending his own child there forever, no matter what they’d done. Yes, we will be punished and have to repent, but only to allow us to come back and live with him.

  7. Project Inspired

    Posted by Alexandra Lyn on January 15, 2012 at 11:53

    I love God first and foremost. But I’m less strict about these sort of things. I’m almost 16 now, and I’ve been dating the same guy since I was 13. And yes, we’ve had sex. And no, I don’t regret it. I love him. We may not end up getting married. But this is the time to learn what will work for you later in life. I believe God is very forgiving and not completely as strict as many people think. He is not entirely against of having fun and he does not relish in sending people to hell. In fact, I don’t believe anyone stays in hells fr eternity. God couldn’t bare sending his own child there forever, no matter what they’d done. Yes, we will be punished and have to repent, but only to allow us to come back and live with him.

  8. Project Inspired

    Posted by luvJesusInHeavn on December 28, 2011 at 00:17

    I will wait, and happily wonder what kind of man God will bring me. Will he be tall, have dark hair, big hands? Stuff like that. Until then, I’ll just have to be patient. (^_^)

  9. Project Inspired

    Posted by lenny3683 on December 16, 2011 at 01:38

    I may not be a girl but I do understand the importance of waiting. I wrote this long ago to try and point out the importance of waiting for the younger males. Please don’t judge. If you feel it’s out of line then please delete it. I apologize just in case that is your judgment.

    I waited because when you find the one, THE one, you never rush. Take a rose for instance. This beautiful bud. So innocent, so pure, so perfect. It can’t be coaxed or pressured into opening or it will be damaged. You have to nurture, respect, treat it right, be honest. Too much heat and they will wither away. Too much cold and they freeze. In time as it becomes ready and comfortable. When it is ready. It will open itself. Allowing love to flow from it.

    When you are young your mindset is quantity not quality, giving into the physical and ignoring the mental. I was lucky that I did not think this way. You should be focused more on the mental aspect. You can have sex as you get older, yes, but if you don’t have a connection, an intellectual connection, then your future will be bland. In other words; you need to learn all there is to learn about this wonderful person. Who are they spiritually, mentally, what are there hopes, dreams, desires. Then you can think about the physical. Sex only takes up a small portion of your future lives. What will you do with the rest?

    Treat them right. Show them that there is a world other than physical. Show them that through respect they can see a kaleidoscope of wonder in this world. People worry about themselves too much. Don’t be selfish, put her before you. It’s amazing how many people out there don’t do this. She will see just how high and important that you hold them in your life. I guess “putting them on a pedestal” is one way to put it. I don’t mean to be weak willed and give in to them. But by developing a mutual honor and respect early on will prove to be wondrous later in life with them.

    If things in the end don’t work out for the two of you, so be it. But because of this foundation that you laid, your life and her life will always have this connection. You both will remember what it felt like to have this kind of love and will desire it from the future. You will always have this friendship. But if you both manage to hold on to this you will have a rich and fulfilling love filled life by which the majority of the population will never know.

    So don’t rush. Take things slow. The fire may take a while to stoke but once it gets going you will never, ever be cold.

  10. Project Inspired

    Posted by godlovesme777 on November 27, 2011 at 14:51

    i never had a boyfriend yet, but i know god will give me a prince!!!! i don’t have to look forward to these jerks i used to like !!!!!!

  11. Posted by on November 24, 2011 at 18:03

    Congratulations Nicole for letting God use you to bless us dithering your knowledge and wisdom that he has given you. God bless you all, I want to share my story which I know will help girls realize what we are doing with our bodies and our heart. At the age of 22 I gave my virginity to a guy who now I know didn’t deserve to be part of my life cause regardless that person will always be in our life. I left my house at 21 yrs old thinking I was old enough to be independent but I met this guy and I started dating him and actually felt in love him. At the beginning (when we didn’t have sex) he was so respectful to me, treated me like a princess that we are and I thought it was the perfect guy for me not just cause he treated me good but because I met him in our Christian Church. After we had sex he started to not have time for me, didn’t respect me and didn’t care for me as before. Everytime we had sex i felt happy cause I was going to spent time together which it was the only time he would have time for me supposedly cause of “work” but after I was with him intimately I felt so empty, dirty, used and lonely. I started to get mature and started go actually care for me and I decided to leave him that’s when I realized I was wasting my time with him and it wasn’t love that felt for me. Now I’m 28 yrs and I’m single regretting having sex before marriage. I’m single and I’m asking the Lord to give me a husband that will actually love him first then me. I’m asking the Lord nit just for a husband but for my kids father. A guy that will serve the Lord with all his heart. I’m waiting in the Lord and it won’t matter how long it takes cause I know God will give me the right husband……! God bless
    Ps… I hope this will help others girls who might be going thru the same situation 😉

  12. Posted by on November 14, 2011 at 17:45

    This is really a relief to read. It’s really hard nowadays to be the only “virgin girl” at high school, and seeing the shock on people’s faces when they hear you choose to stay a virgin until marriage. Sometimes the frustration of it can cross my mind, and, as cliche as it may sound, I feel like it’d be easier to just get it over with. But then God always reminds me that I am HIS and no short term solution can ever be better than a lifetime of reassurance.

  13. Posted by on November 6, 2011 at 18:40

    What if you and your boyfriend have already had sex but you know this is the person you are going to marry? Will God forgive that?

  14. Posted by on October 24, 2011 at 23:17

    But what if it is forever? I am almost thirty and still have never had sex. I am a single woman with no prospects and I don’t envision myself ever getting married. Not because I don’t want to, but because face it: 1) There are fewer Christian men than women. Some of us aren’t getting a shiny ring. 2) At my age, most of the men I know are already married. 3) I am apparently one of the most unattractive women in my church, because not a single guy has ever approached me. Over the last two years I have become increasingly frustrated and angry at God about this. I did everything I was supposed to, I had faith, I committed my life to God, I joined the singles group, I waited patiently. But my biological clock is ticking and I am still a virgin. At 30, being a virgin seems stupid. I’m a grown woman and yet I’m supposed to act like some little prepubescent girl? There are married 19 year olds that get treated with more respect than me at my church, all because, guess what… They are married and having sex and so somehow they are more womanly than I am. I’m discovering that I really don’t want God more than I want a spouse. And I resent the fact that I’m supposed to give up everything and just be happy in Him no matter what BS he deals me. I’m seriously considering giving up on the ideal Christian marriage and going to the bars to find guys. I’m also thinking of giving up on my faith, because I clearly can’t live up to the standards outlined in the Bible, even with God’s help. In all honesty, I don’t know if I want to. I want to be happy. Period. And if God won’t give that to me, then I will take it for myself. And yes, you can say all you want about how I won’t be happy with anything less than what God has for me, and maybe its true. But God is giving me nothing so I am ready to take matters into my own hands and settle for something, anything, even if it is not “God’s plan.” Because I honestly think it would be better than where I am at now.

  15. Posted by on October 17, 2011 at 17:31

    When I was a freshman in high school, I started dating this guy. He “sweet talked” me and we ended up having protected sex. I was a believer in Christ and felt so guilty the whole time. I didn’t listen to that voice in my head telling me not to for a while. I knew in my heart it was wrong but I didn’t care until we had a pregnancy scare. I went on a youth retreat and God really convicted me through this retreat and the pregnancy scare. The Lord had taken ahold of my heart and wanted to grow me in Him but couldn’t because I was still holding onto my fleshly desires. After this, I told my boyfriend that we had to stop because I didn’t want to sin anymore and that I was scared of getting pregnant. The lack of sex amongst a few other things is what ended our relationship during the middle of my junior year. I was heartbroken for a little while, but I prayed constantly and got into the Word of God. The Lord grew me like I had never grown before. I held onto Proverbs 31:30, “Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.” This is the kind of woman I have been striving to be.
    The temptation is still there. It’s hard because I have to draw a line and not put myself in certain situations with boys because I know I get tempted. Following the Lord, I realized that he has called me to be a missionary. I spent the summer between my junior and senior year working with a ministry three hours away from home. This time away was great from me because I was surrounded by Godly men and woman who encouraged me and were great role models for me.
    Throughout my senior year I started feeling lonely because I had been single the whole time while my ex-boyfriend had girlfriend after girlfriend. I was beginning to be frustrated with God. I blamed Him. A friend suggested that I read Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers, and it was then that I realized God is molding me to become the Godly woman I need to be for a Godly man who will one day become my husband. I realized that I need to find my identity in Christ and let that be what becomes appealing to boys. I want my husband to love God more than he loves me. It excites me to know that God has an amazing life planned out for me.
    With all this being said, yes I have already had sex, but I made the decision to stop. I have been forgiven by my Lord and Savior. I am now 19 years old. I just started college this semester at a small Baptist college. The Lord has called me to be a missionary and I plan on living my life for Him. I try to live my life so that when I die and meet Christ he will tell me, “Well done my good and faithful servant.” When I get older I want to be able to tell young girls my testimony and tell them how important it is to stay pure.

  16. Posted by on October 5, 2011 at 16:25

    This article is so important and true! I didn’t have sex with anyone, but I did give away my heart and soul through pictures and inappropriate talks with my boyfriend(now an ex), and it hurt me so much! I heard that small voice inside of me every time, telling me that I shouldn’t do it, but I ignored it, and found myself hurt and crying every time because I betrayed God and sold myself for pointless pleasure.

    The good news is, I got out of it through God’s grace and mercy, and through praying to him and listening to that small voice! It works, and even when I found that the only person I could talk to about it was God, he actually fulfilled my heart’s longing, and in the end, has provided a friend to talk to about my struggles!

  17. Posted by on September 28, 2011 at 07:05

    Thank you so much for writing this… I am a christian, but most of my friends are christians but not as firm in their faith I guess you could say… Sometimes it’s so hard to wait and a lot of times I think maybe I shouldn’t because everyone else is doing it… Thank you so much for the scripture that you put there. Please pray for me, anyone who is reading this, that I will continue to be strong with my descions to wait… It’s been really tough…

    • Posted by on October 5, 2011 at 16:40

      Praying! ♥
      You’re not alone! Remember, there are others here that are doing the same. (:

  18. Posted by on September 11, 2011 at 16:59

    Thank you for this article I’m about to be seventeen & am one of very few people at my school w. a purity ring. Honestly, sometimes I wish I could just throw it away, repent & move on. Junior year I met a guy who can be amazing and complicated; we’re a perfect imperfection. But we’re so opposite that he called me the yin to his yang (he’s a writer). We fell in love and intended to be eachother’s firsts. I know I would regret it but it’s my Senior yr. & still wondering about he & I …

    • Posted by on October 5, 2011 at 16:33

      Be careful; I thought I had met my perfect half, but our relationship was pulling us towards the temptations rather than towards God. If he’s not bringing you closer to God, then there is probably something wrong in the relationship. Be strong, and keep that ring on! <3

  19. Posted by on August 22, 2011 at 12:11

    I am 24. Many men have asked me to have sex with them. They are mostly just friends who flirt and not any one special. I seem to be the only one who’s still a virgin at this age. Many times, I feel like I should just do it for the sake of the experience. When everyone speaks so casually about sex, I feel like I am being very conservative, or too fussy by making a great deal out of it. People make fun of old virgin, don’t they? I am afraid that if I wait too long, it may be too late…I will have in a way, a bad reputation for having waited so long. But I do feel exploited even when men try to seduce me. I feel like I should wait for the right person. I don’t like the idea of having sex with too many men. Still I get the feeling that I am being silly…esp because I am so old..

    • Posted by Nicole on August 26, 2011 at 14:39

      No you are NOT too old Daisy! you are so special, precious, adored and you should NOT give up your virginity to just any boy who doesn’t love you and care for you who you are as a person. Don’t be fooled by boys, they are seducers and the devil is a liar. They just want to get in your pants, and you will regret it- trust me. Please wait until you have found your soul mate, and you are married. you will be SO happy you waited!! I promise 🙂

  20. Posted by on August 21, 2011 at 14:00

    Okay so I’m a 16 year old girl. My wonderful boyfriend and I were 15, had been dating 3 months, and were (and still are) madly and hopelessly in love. Around our 3rd month of dating I opened up to him. I told him that I thought that sex before marriage is okay as long as you truly love them. He, as a strong Christian boy and the son of a preacher, sat there for awhile in silence over the phone.
    “I’m not saying you have to Nathan. But I AM saying, that if I were on my death bed tomorrow, I would want you to have the one piece of myself that no one else could ever have. When you’re ready, I’m ready. Even if you want to wait till you marry me”
    So he finaly said, “I agree. I want to think about it and you should too.” So a month and a half later he told me he was in love with me, that he wanted to give every piece of himself to me, and that he was ready. So on December 17th we walked to my best friend Petra’s house. She had condoms lied out on the nightstand, Christmas lights hung above the bed, and candles lit all around. So under God’s eye, we gave our virginity to each other. We made love four times over the winter break, but since then we’ve just spent our days snuggled on the couch. September 8th makes 1 year, and we’ve have ever been happier. Nathan even plans to marry me after college.

    Do I think God is disappointed in Nathan and I? I’m sure he is. Do either of us regret what we did? Never. Do I think God gave me Nathan as a soul mate? Without a doubt. Nathan has saved me so many times. From death when I blacked out as I was drowning and from myself back when I was suicidal.
    I’ve lost my faith recently and converted to Buddhism, but I still thought I should share my story.
    Thank you for reading.

  21. Posted by on August 12, 2011 at 08:22

    I read a book purely about teen relationships, GUYS ARE WAFFLES, GIRLS ARE SPAGHETTI, and it says that when a guy has to work for something he will treasure it later. It also featured a letter to the author about a teenage girl who had slept with a couple of guys from her school, and how she was teased about it later on.

    I had a crush on a guy who wanted to wait for a relationship in high school instead of middle school. At first I didn’t see why, honestly, but now I see that he was waiting for the right time to start a relationship with someone! I now have guy friends at school (my favorite guy friend is a Christian and he is really smart and funny!) who I love hanging out with and want to wait for a relationship to happen in the future. Thanks for writing this! 🙂

  22. Posted by on August 5, 2011 at 08:34

    Hi,
    Im a 14 year old girl about to be 15 next week. Im in the 10th grade and I’m a christian but i’m pretty with a “nice” body and boys always want to have sex with me but I want to wait till marriage. So far I only have had a couple of boyfriends but they all have ended because of the lack of sex. So most of the time im single or have very short relationships. I feel left out when my friends have plans with their boyfriends and stuff but I feel lucky sometimes since 5 of my friends have babies and 2 have caughten std’s. So If you have any advice I would appreciate it and please pray for me.Thanks

    • Posted by Nicole on August 7, 2011 at 16:02

      Keep staying strong and avoiding sex- you are WAY too young to be doing that- and I promise on everything that you will regret it if you have it now. Please, trust me. You are too beautiful, precious, adored, loved, and sacred to just give it up to some horny boy. Wait until you have found “The One” and you can share sex with your husband on your wedding night. You will be so happy you waited!

      • Posted by on August 15, 2011 at 18:06

        This website is amazing! Thank you so much for inspiring me and encouraging me to follow God’s will and perfect plan for my life! I am not a virgin, 25, and I’m sad that and angry that I did not obey God’s rules and wait until marriage 🙁 I have to break off my relationship with my boyfriend because we were having sex,but once I decidided that I was not going to let anyone use my body up anymore I put my foot down voicinng to my bf that the sex in our relationship is over. He still asks and the answer is and will always be no unless he puts a ring on my finger…..and besides I’m not displeasing God anymore! I am in school full time for dental hygiene and it is all possible through God. Please pray for me and keep me strong!

      • Posted by Nicole on August 16, 2011 at 13:55

        wow good for you Teeka! I am so proud and happy for you that you put your foot down and told him what you wanted! God is so pleased with your decision. And I will pray for you! You CAN and WILL do it!!

  23. Posted by on August 4, 2011 at 17:15

    Hey.. I just found your website and it is amazing you’ve done a real good job.
    what i wanted to say is that i need advice. i have been dating this guy for almost 1 year and a half, we go to the same church but he is 5 almost 6 years older than me. when we first started dating i thought he was the best person ever and i felt like i fell in love with him after the first 3 months of dating, he always acted really mature and i tried to keep up with him. (wrong decision) which led me to losing my virginity to him after 7 months of dating. it was horrible, its been almost one year now after that happened, and even though we are still together i regret it really bad because i know i should have waited but i wasnt strong enough. A little before that happened my parents started saying that he wasnt the right guy for me but i didnt listen (they dont even know that im not a virgin anymore),because i loved the guy i was with and so we kept dating. Then it got to a point where i didnt know what to do with my parents telling me to break up with him like nonstop, and i was really depressed for a long time.my bf was too, so we broke up for 3 months i thought i was over him bc he dated this girl for like 1 month after our break up, after a while we got back together. I said i would never get back with him, but he cried on front of me, did all those sweet little things a guy would do, he started going to church more often, and he would call me to pray with him, fast, go to church together.. he is a changed guy. but my parents still think he’s not the right guy for me. i really like him but i love my parents too much to not listen to them and have regrets for doing the wrong thing. what should i do? because i dont want to hurt any of them. neither myself. :'(

    • Posted by Nicole on August 7, 2011 at 23:22

      can you take some time for yourself, and still care about him and be sweet to him but be single for a little while? That way you’ll have time to grow and mature and figure out what you really want. This is a very hard decision, but pray about it and ask God for guidance! He will give you your gut instinct on what you should do. Don’t ignore that inner voice!

    • Posted by on August 4, 2011 at 17:25

      oh. and I’m 17.

  24. Posted by on July 26, 2011 at 22:34

    He .. U r right.. I agree u… My bf too praises me bt i never.. Bt 1 thing ìs dat he agree..he is nice.. Bt 1 thing i wan to share , he had sex with 4 call girl before loving me… Bt wat to do i dont kno.. Whenever i tel him to leave he cries and be drunk… U tel me wat is right..

    • Posted by Nicole on July 27, 2011 at 13:13

      I would leave him NOW. The fact he slept with a call girl, is very degrading and not good. Also, that he drinks too much and doesn’t care about your needs is a big warning sign. please dump him and do yourself a favor and don’t look back! You deserve the best because you are a daughter of the king!

  25. Posted by on July 8, 2011 at 12:16

    Okay this is replying right? Elaine, I have had problems with that too. I still do actually, but your testimony helped me. Please pray for me. I’m doing the same for you.

    • Posted by on October 12, 2011 at 13:48

      I will pray for you and thanks sooooo much for praying for me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  26. Posted by on July 6, 2011 at 11:33

    im going to make the choice to wait but where in the bible does it say to wait?

    • Posted by Nicole on July 7, 2011 at 16:10

      When we choose to have sex outside of marriage, we settle for less than God’s perfect will — for ourselves and for our partner. And if we do this, we don’t know what we might end up with. Perhaps we’ll end up in a miserable marriage.
      So, here’s some food for thought: If your partner wants sex before marriage, consider this as a warning sign about their spiritual condition. If you are the one who wants sex before marriage, consider this as a warning sign of your own spiritual condition. The Bible says in 1 Timothy 4:12 to “be an example to all believers in what you say, in the way you live, in your love, your faith, and your purity.” (NIV) Also, in 1 Corinthians 6:16 it says
      Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact. As written in Scripture, “The two become one.” Since we want to become spiritually one with the Master, we must not pursue the kind of sex that avoids commitment and intimacy, leaving us more lonely than ever—the kind of sex that can never “become one.” It’s so, so important to wait I can’t stress enough. You are pure and beautiful, wait for Mr. Right!

  27. Posted by on July 3, 2011 at 20:22

    I’m 14 and, despite what people say about being too young, I do have a boyfriend and we have been together for a little over a year (strangely long time, right?). But I would never, ever, even dream of have sex with him. It was 7 months before I even kissed him on the cheek and have never gone farther than a peck on the lips. But all the while, we are surrounded by peers who are making out within the first few weeks (and breaking up a few weeks after). I don’t think he’s “Mr. Right”, because what’s “right” for my future at 14?

    I am perfectly fine with waiting till marriage. I just don’t see what’s appealing about sex, especially while our bodies are still developing. My friend had sex and I can’t look at her the same again. And she and we, her friends, were worried sick about her: what if she’s pregnant? What if she got an STD? What if her little sisters find out? What if her parents find out? If you’re reading this, think about what would really happen if you did. What image might you have to those you love? What might younger siblings, or even your new baby, think about you and sex? How will this affect your physical, mental and spiritual health? What is really good about it, like, at all? Exactly.

    • Posted by Nicole on July 5, 2011 at 11:11

      Addy- you are so well-spoken, mature, and insightful for your age- I can’t believe you are only 14! 🙂 Keep it up with staying abstinent, because you are right you have some growing up to do before you meet your Mr. Right!

  28. Posted by on June 30, 2011 at 17:35

    I too am waiting until marriage to have sex and I’m doing so with God’s strength. And i know that the fruit of the spirit that i need to practice is self-control and being able to trust Jesus and myself that i can wait and control myself.

    • Posted by Nicole on July 1, 2011 at 23:38

      Yes you need those things for sure, but lean on the Lord and he will show you Mr. Right! it just takes patience, and time. 🙂

  29. Posted by on June 24, 2011 at 13:27

    This article was amazing I am 18 years old just graduated high school! I have made a pledge a while ago to wait to have sex before marriage and for my 17 bday i got a purity which is a sign between me and God that I am waiting on mr.right. It may not be easy and it may be hard i know this my friends told me to get laid eveyday because they thought it was good but i stood up for what i believed in! I still have not found mr.right. I know he is out there somewhere waitng for me and i am waiting for him all you girls have to do is wait if you ever need help pray to God he will help you 🙂

    • Posted by Nicole on June 29, 2011 at 17:06

      Hannah- you are so strong!!! You can do it, you go girl!! keep being an amazing example to all your friends!

  30. Posted by on June 3, 2011 at 14:07

    this is so incredibly important! i have chosen to stay pure and will keep to that promise!! i think all girls need to read this and see the way that god loves them!! he loves us so much its crazy to think about!! i mean we r useless, unwanted, ugly, broken, shattered pieces of junk!! but god loves us and anytime u r put into a situation where a boy wants to take it to the next level remember how much god loves you and that he desperately wants u to wait and to love him most!!!

    • Posted by Nicole on June 3, 2011 at 15:28

      Rachel- you are so amazing that you are going to keep this promise! God will give you the strength to do it.

  31. Posted by on June 2, 2011 at 22:17

    I notice no negative comments on any of your posts, and many of your articles are incredibly biased.
    I feel that the idea of feminine ‘purity’ is colloquial and is one of the many hindrances to women’s battle for equality in our culture. I have nothing against waiting until marriage, and I also think it is a wise choice. However, I do not like the idea that a woman is ‘impure’ if she chooses not to wait until marriage, and I do not believe that it should be a source of regret. I feel that this issue is a double standard for men, and this is unfortunate.

  32. Posted by on May 31, 2011 at 20:06

    confession:
    caught up in the whir of being a counselor at a secular camp with a really cute boy, although i didn’t sleep with him lying in that field i might as well have. Having not getting what he was after, he dumped me the day after, clearly not mr. right. Lesson: girls, wait till you’re ready for marriage to date, and even then don’t become a serial dater, maybe even pray about courting.

  33. Posted by on May 31, 2011 at 06:52

    Im such a big fan of yours! I love what u wrote I always tell my friends even if u had sex you can still stay pure until marriage all you have to do is ask god for forgivness Thank you for writing this! god bless you

    • Posted by Nicole on May 31, 2011 at 10:40

      yay!! I’m so happy you’re sharing this important message to your friends. You will be such an inspiration to them!

  34. Posted by on May 29, 2011 at 23:13

    this is amazing i mean i have a purity ring on me. but some of my friend there mostly say why do i wear that and that i would hold it that long and i mean to my response is that you will never know when that rite guy will come and on when i will feel its the right moment some of my friends say that they would not wait and my response to them is that if they dont take care and thing they will be cool just to fit in there wrong they may be pregnant have a disease i mean so many stuff going around in society and at some point they tell me that im right because when i want to have a child will be the day im married and wont have to tell my mother im pregnant at a very early age no i will love to tell her once im married. thank you for sharing God bless 🙂

  35. Posted by on May 29, 2011 at 13:13

    It is such a blessing to listen to the things things that were written in the article and on the first comment. I try to strive for the things but it seems that the older I get, the harder the World’s influences get.

  36. Posted by on May 28, 2011 at 11:46

    I’ve always planned on waiting, I really don’t see why one WOULD have sex before marriage…. it doesn’t make sense to me.

  37. Posted by on May 28, 2011 at 08:05

    i am still waiting and will continue to do so. In everything that we do let us be reminded that our future is being affected by our present choices.

  38. Posted by on May 28, 2011 at 06:06

    I am in High school and stuff and I am 15 years old so that really helps me out because everyone is doing it in high school and not really caring about their body or really getting seduce by young Boys thanks so much and may God bless you

  39. Posted by on May 28, 2011 at 03:51

    I’m 13 and I’m fat I’ve never thought i was good enough for anyone, and I’ve never had a real Boyfriend. I’ve always and boys that where friends. But when I was 9 (this is so hard for me to tell) I had a weird feeling. I did’nt know what it was so I have keep it a secret even from my mom in til just a few months ago,but anyway this feeling came on me so I went to the bathroom and I started to touch myself down there and it felt kinda good then I felt so bad so I stoped,then when I was 11 I had it again by this time my mom had given me “the talk” so I kinda knew what sex was so i started useing other things like pillows or towels rolled up so they would fit between my legs,I knew I should have stoped but I didn’t. Then my couisn showed me all about sex and showed me vidos of people having sex and then i started to think it was ok. then my mom bought me my first bra i felt i don’t know sexy maybe and i started to think that i was a slut or a hoe a girl who wants to get “laid” or “knocked up”. And i was a “christian” but i didn’t know god I knew of him but i didn’t know him, but then god saved me a sinner,a piece of junk,worthless. then god bought me and my family to a church that loved me greeted me with open arms so i started going to youth church and the youth pastor seen me in a couner bawling sobing crying for mecry and forgivness, so she (the youth pastor) took me aside and ask me what was wrong and could she pray for me i said sure,and she started to pray and i broke down told her every thing the sex the playing with myself the sin, and then she asked me if i wanted to become a christian i said yes and here I am without having had sex a christian speaking in tounges and loving god so much, up front danceing in the sprit praiseing god! thank you jesus for saving a sinner like me! may god bless you Miss Nicole! please pray for me! thank you so much

    Elaine.

    • Posted by on August 22, 2011 at 20:31

      After I read this I realized that I’m not alone. I’m sixteen and I have done this before too. Reading your comment Elaine helped me to get the courage to tell my mom about it too. I’ve always felt terrible about giving myself feelings like that, and I wanted to tell my mom, but I was afraid. After I told her she wasn’t even mad at me, she just told me how I have already been forgiven and the devil just tries to make me feel bad again and again, trying to tell me that God hasn’t forgiven me, when he already has. And like my mom’s example, stealing a cookie is stealing. Our sins are equal in God’s eyes. After we ask forgiveness, our sins are cast as far as the east is from the west.

      • Posted by on October 12, 2011 at 13:46

        I know same thing with my mom! I thought she was going to be like ewww get away!!!! but she wasnt she said that when she was my age the same thing happend! I was sooooooo shocked! I thought my mom was PERFECT!!!!! I’m soo glad I’m not the only person who did that and now I understand why I did it…. to help other people! Before I would sit in my room and cry and cry asking god why me!? Whats so special about me? Now I know why!!!! thank sooooooo much Miss Nicole!!!!!!and I have question or two for you! If I may ask them. Well there is a guy I really like but I dont think he knows I’m there. I dont want to force my self on him! He is a methodos and I’m a Chirstian!! and in my chuch they say we shouldnt be unyocked from eachother and hes 17 I’m still 13 and a half and fat lol!!!! So should I try to get him to like me or is he not my Mr.Right?!!! I need help I pray to god and ask him to show me but I never feel like gods listening to me I never hear his voice am I just not listening hard.
        my dad is older then my mom but 6 years I think so…. is 4 years to much of a jump???? Thanks for making a site where girls can come a talk about god!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! also my real name is Judy Elaine not just Elaine at first I was like is this site for real so I just put my middle name! lol I feel a bit silly now!lol thanks!

    • Posted by Nicole on May 28, 2011 at 18:09

      Elaine- this is so amazing that you are able to share your personal experience with us. I can promise you this that so many girls (even ones who come to the site that will read your testimony!) struggle with this issue and will feel like they’re not so alone. It takes guts for you to share this, and I applaud you. You are most certainly right, that God HAS forgiven you and you don’t need to hold on to that shame from your experience. Please wait until you’re married to have sex, it will be one of the greatest decisions you’ll ever make! God Bless.

  40. Posted by on May 27, 2011 at 19:25

    I am waiting to have sex until I am married. A lot of my friends joke around about losing their virginity, and I dont think it’s funny. I know God wants me to wait, and that is why I am waiting. And I pretty much know that my parents wouldnt be too happy with me either! Thank you for this article! 🙂

  41. Posted by on May 27, 2011 at 19:13

    I am 16. Never had a boyfriend. Never have slept with anyone. None of that. I am very driven in school (no, I’m not a nerd lol). I was also homeschooled for the majority of my life (I’m not building a very good case here, am I?). I’m not one of those people who you look at and KNOW with one glance “they are on their way to the homeschool convention”. I know that I don’t NEED a boyfriend. But I find myself everyday WANTING one (or should I say the affection and love that a boyfriend gives). I’m not talking about a trophy bf, I want the real deal. Mr. Perfect-for-Sarah. I’m firm in the fact that I am NOT going to be sleeping with ANY smooth talking slick boy that winks in my direction unless the preachers says “You are now Man and Wife”. I’m moving from a small nowhere town to a big guy-overpopulation metropolis and I’m excited about meeting a possible Mr. Right. After reading this, I am more stubbornally determined to stick to my guns and keep this temple shiny pure. Thank you so much for boosting my morale and confidence that even though I may WANT someone special I don’t NEED one.

  42. Posted by on May 27, 2011 at 12:09

    I have never had a boyfriend before even though I’m 16 years old. But, i really don’t feel that it’s necessary to have a boyfriend at such a young age. No matter how “grownup” we think we are, our minds still are not fully developed for a good maturity level. Even though i have never had a boy friend before, I love this whole article! and, I love the title of the article and the picture! It truly gives a whole new meaning to me on how important it is to wait. This also really gives me something to think about because we are all God’s little children and we should think “okay, would God be pleased if I do this? Or would He be dissapointed that I fell into temptations?” Thank you so much for the article! 🙂 Jesus loves you! 🙂

    • Posted by Nicole on May 27, 2011 at 12:23

      I’m so, SO happy Jessica you like this article and it will help you even more to stay pure! You are so wonderful. 🙂

  43. Posted by on May 27, 2011 at 10:52

    It is! My aunt gave me a purity ring for Christmas this past year…it reads True Love Waits- 1 Timothy 4:12 so I first discovered the verse because of the ring! 🙂
    Thank you SO much and you’re welcome! God Bless.

  44. Posted by on May 27, 2011 at 08:11

    Thanks for writing this article Nicole! I, thankfully, have never been tempted by a boy to have sex. I’ve always been very driven and focused when it comes to school and other obligations, therefore, I never paid attention to guys haha. I’ve never had a boyfriend so that’s helpful too!

    I’m very honest and open about my beliefs and I’m not afraid to let people know. I am going to wait until marriage to have sex. That decision is final! I have a few friends and I know a couple of other girls that have had sex and each of those girls now have a little baby boy or girl. I’m not trying to say that if someone has sex they will get pregnant because that certainly may not happen but please be aware that it can happen. I’m 20. I know that I don’t want a kid….not now, anyway.

    To any young woman that might be reading this right now don’t let the pressure from your boyfriend or your peers get to you. “Everyone is doing it” is a line that people use to get what they want. Please stand up for yourself and stay strong. You’re perfect to God! If you’re in a relationship your guy shouldn’t make you do anything you don’t want to do. If he REALLY loves you he will wait 🙂 Your body is a temple, a masterpiece, a work of art. Don’t let it be tainted.

    Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity. -1 Timothy 4:12

    • Posted by Nicole on May 27, 2011 at 10:34

      Kathy- this scripture is so beautiful, I’ve never heard it before! You are so amazing for sticking up for what you believe in and waiting until you’re married to have sex. You won’t regret it! God Bless you and thank you for sharing your story with us!

  45. Posted by on May 26, 2011 at 17:06

    The guy I really like and I discussed this. We both agree with you, Nicole!!! He does especially, he is from a single mother home who’s father left him at 2 weeks old! I want girls to know that not every guy is looking for sex; those are the ones you’re going to want to be close to!

    • Posted by Nicole on May 26, 2011 at 17:12

      I’m so happy Kayla that you are talking about this with the boy! You are so smart. Thanks for taking this message to heart, you are amazing!

  46. Posted by on May 26, 2011 at 16:32

    Thank you for this article. <3
    A lot of the times I feel so lonely without a guy and I always feel like I need one now, because when I look around, and see couples that actually love each other, I feel so sad and alone. Especially on Valentine's Day, when every year, guys buy roses and give them to their favorite girls. I never got a rose before. Sometimes I'm afraid I'm destined to be single…has God destined all girls who put their faith in him, to find the guy that really, truly loves them for who they are? I sometimes wonder…

    Once again, thank you for this article when I needed it the most. c:

    • Posted by Nicole on May 29, 2011 at 21:16

      you are so welcome Breanna! You are amazing and deserve the best, don’t EVER settle for a boy who isn’t a believer!

  47. Posted by on May 26, 2011 at 15:43

    I love this article, Nicole. I completely agree with everything you said, and I really love your message. This really helps to remind us to remain strong in our faith and that we are God’s girls.

    • Posted by Nicole on May 26, 2011 at 16:46

      I’m so happy Audrey- please share this with your friends, so you can help spread God’s message! You are beautiful. God Bless!

  48. Posted by on May 26, 2011 at 15:28

    I am another who didn’t wait until I was married to have sex. My husband, on the other hand, did wait. Something that I will always regret is that fact that I know I am special to my husband. I’m the only person that he has ever had that special, physical connection with, but he will ALWAYS know that he is not the only person that I have shared that with. It breaks my heart to know that the man I love will always have that in his mind.

    Girls, it’s so true what Nicole has said here. So many of us who have had sex before marriage try to hide how used we feel. We become hardened and act like our hearts are not affected by this, but that just isn’t true. Even if you ignore the pain in your hearts now, even if you bury it so that you can ignore it for now, eventually it will surface again. That kind of pain and regret only gains strength as you ignore it and continue to do things that cause more pain and regret to enter your heart. God is the only one who can give you the love that you need to be whole. Follow Nicole’s advice, find your identity in the Lord first and He will take care of the rest!

    • Posted by on November 12, 2011 at 22:04

      Thanks; I needed to hear that. My boyfriend worries that one day he will not get married so he will not be abstinate starting around 18. And he asked what will I do. I said, “I believe that a sex is a bond between only a husband and a wife. If you are working around God’s Word, you are not respecting Him. I want to be abstinate so that I can honor my husband. And hopefully, he will do the same.” 😀

    • Posted by Nicole on May 26, 2011 at 16:49

      Jenn- thank you so much for sharing this, that is amazing that your husband remained pure until marriage! You are a blessing to him and to God. 🙂