Not every young woman is comfortable discussing sex. Of the many girls I’ve met through my blog, a significant fraction never received “The Talk” from their parents. Another fraction has a history of sexual addiction or abuse, which burdens the subject of sex with guilt and shame. Many more girls know a little about sexuality, but aren’t sure how to understand their desires prior to marriage.
Whichever camp you may fall into, the truth of Scripture applies. God has spoken to us about sexuality. He has lovingly given us guidelines for understanding sex before and after marriage.
You were created as a physical, emotional, sexual being. Your sexuality is as much a part of you as your ears, eyes and hands. It is nothing to be ashamed of; on the contrary, it can be celebrated as part of God’s design for your body! Your desires are not a bad thing, but a sign of God’s loving creation of your body—giving you all the potential to enjoy a sexual bond with your husband in marriage.
If you struggle to view your sexuality through this positive light, here are some things to consider.
Desire Itself Is Not the Problem
If you struggle with sexual sin, it’s easy to see your desires as the problem. The Enemy will tempt you to see sex as dirty and evil, only associated with sinful behavior. But your desires are not the problem. Sin is the problem.
Lust and sexual sin are not caused by sex. They are spiritual issues that start in our hearts. As such, they can only be conquered spiritually. In order to defeat lust and see your desires as the beautiful thing they are, you must allow Christ to work victory in you. This means knowing and loving Him so much that your desire to sin pales in comparison to your adoration of God.
This is a process. But as you press into God, and ask Him to teach you about your sexuality and move forward into His beautiful intentions, your heart will change—and victory is close behind.
Your Desires Can Honor God
Our desires can either be weapons for righteousness or weapons for unrighteousness:
Therefore do not let sin control your mortal body so that you obey its desires. Do not present the parts of your body to sin as instruments of wickedness, but present yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life; and present the parts of your body to Him as instruments of righteousness. (Romans 6:12-13)
The very thing that causes you to stumble can be a force for the gospel when you unite yourself to Christ. That is incredible!
When we sin sexually or when we view our desires as evil, we’re “offering up” a part of ourselves to the Enemy. But when we reject those lies and allow our desires to point us to Christ, we’re giving that part of ourselves to God. This is a source of incredible blessing! There, in the center of God’s will for your sexuality, you will find peace and purpose.
Don’t let the world or the Enemy define your sexual desires. Look at them through the lens of God’s Word and Christ’s sacrifice. You are a redeemed person: mentally, emotionally and sexually.
For more resources on sexual discipleship and freedom, visit Phylicia’s blog.