You’re Allowed to Cry Over the Guy Who Hurt You
Written by Phylicia Masonheimer | March 28, 2018
You put on a strong face. You go to school and to work, your friends know you’re okay. You’re moving on, and that’s good. We all have to move on at some point.
But from one strong girl to another, can I tell you something?
You’re allowed to cry. You’re allowed to cry over what he did.
Moving on is both a choice and an action, and it has to happen. But if you move forward without dealing with the emotions, raw and real as they are, you’ll carry that distrust and pain into your next relationship. And the next guy—no matter how good he is—will be the target of doubt and hurts he was never meant to carry.
So it’s okay to cry.
It’s okay to sit with the pain, to look it in the face, and to face down the anger and betrayal you feel. It’s good to take it, in all its heart-wrenching reality, and lay it at the foot of the cross. Only when you lay it in the hands of Jesus will it become something better than it is right now.
Your strength will serve you well in the long run, but part of being strong is knowing when to be weak—not just ignoring the pain in your heart. If he hurt you, he hurt you. You can let that pain drive you to distrust and bitterness, or you can let it drive you to the one Man who loved you enough to die.
At the foot of the cross, there are tears. There is sorrow. Jesus is familiar with both! Here there is no shame in weeping over what was lost and broken, because Jesus is the shepherd of the lost, and the one who binds up the brokenhearted. There is no safer place for your pain. There is no greater purpose for it.
So it’s okay to cry.
Take everything he was, every memory, every good and bad, everything you miss and everything you regret, and let God have it. And if you need to cry in the process, do so. It doesn’t make you less strong. It shows you that your weakness is safe with the God who made your heart. Accepting the safety of God is one of the first steps to knowing Him deeply. And as you become accustomed to bringing your pain to His throne of grace, you will grow in compassion toward the pain of others.
This relationship was not wasted. The tears you shed here equip you to love others the way Christ loves you.
So dear girl, you’re allowed to cry.
You’re allowed to mourn what could have been, but once you’ve mourned it, leave it with Jesus. He turns ashes into beauty—when we stop sitting in the ashes and trust His almighty love.
He is your hope and your redeemer, the one Man who never disappoints. Your heart is safe with him. Your story is safe with him. Your future is safe with him. Let yourself feel, and then let yourself rise.